What little things do you do to make miserable aspects of life better?

[CarrotCrusader]

Let me start by listing the positives; I have a lovely home right near the beach. Gorgeous pets.. I am healthyish.

The issue is my job. Overworked massively with a never ending workload and unsupportive managers. It pays well though. The stress it causes me is unbelievable. I'm always hyper anxious and have depression because of it.

If you have similar stress, what do you do to make that stress more copeable?

My sister takes antidepressants. It's been life changing for her (similar situation).

I joined a gym when my job got like that. It had a pool and I swam and that gave me some headspace and exercise. I also eventually got another job.

I don't particularly sleep very well so I'd go with the above suggestions: anti depressants & exercise. If I'm really tired I'll have a lovely cappuccino or latte & a nice cake later in the day. Also chatting to a friend or loved one helps me

I ride my horse in the forest.

For me, putting things into perspective. E.g. Your work don’t care about you… to them everyone is disposable. They are not worth your health and unhappiness. You work to live, not live to work. It works for me.

Can you get some life coaching or counselling to reframe how you take on stress at work?

You need to shoulder less - too much work is a management problem; not yours. You flag it, ask for their input on priorities. If that’s not forthcoming you do your best to get done what you can but mentally write off task x, y and z as ‘incompatible with workload’ rather than you failing at something.

I guess you’re a high achieving perfectionist?

Equally, unsupportive management is something you need to accept and work with. Rather than being stressed and resentful that they aren’t behaving in a certain way. They obviously are never going to behave like that so instead amend your behaviour / approach around the fact they won’t do it. If that means that tasks that impact other people aren’t done, well, again that’s a management issue not yours and you can pass that information on to the rest of the team.

I know that to you that sounds completely alien but believe me there are so many very very successful people who are able to take the emotion out of it and remove the stress. Same situation; completely different reactions.

As someone with chronic health problems I find it helpful to reframe my misery rabbit hole with ‘I get to’ statements.
It’s a bit like the gratitude exercise but as an ongoing chat during the day. ‘I get to do this difficult thing because I’m still here, I get to walk because my legs are working today, I get to have tea because I can put the kettle on today, etc.
You would also add in ‘I get to look for a new job because this one isn’t working for me anymore, I get to see the gp and book a therapist because my health is important to me.’

Just because your misery trail is a well worn path doesn’t mean that you can’t tread a whole new happier trail.

Sauvingnon blanc.

I like this idea. I have a chronic illness. It is unpredictable. I feel like there is always something new. I get on my own nerves. This change of mind set might help. Thank you.

This can be so true. . I was at my place of work gor 25 plus years. They didn't even get the duration right in my leaving presentation

Change your job.

Literally.

Gym/gym friends and crafty/crafty friends

I do a few very small things that bring me a bit of self care joy; nice herbal teas (I like the twinings immune support and strawberry glow ones at the moment), crochet in very bright colours, I’ll buy a new planner diary thing a few times a year and transfer the old one over to a nice new one- always makes me feel a bit refreshed; go on wandering dog walks with a good podcast / audiobook. I have a lovely very expensive hairdresser I frequent every 8 weeks or so. At weekends I sometimes go to bed early in lovely fresh pjs and bring my old yorkie dog to bed with me, put on an facemask and we watch something on tv having a nice cosy cuddle. These things I enjoy especially this time of year!
As you can tell, I have a very rock n roll lifestyle 😂😂😂

You LEAVE that job. Nothing is worth feeling like that.

Saying no to things I don't want to do. It's SO liberating. And completely rejecting mum guilt when it creeps in.

I changed my lifestyle to one that left me with far less disposable income, as I value time so much more than money and possessions. Im older now so my house is paid for. As long as my bills are paid and I can afford healthcare for my dogs and my cat, who are my main financial drains, I work the bare minimum so I can spend more time with them.
Oh, I also discovered during lockdown that I thoroughly enjoy a ‘party for one’. The only guest is me. That is a glass of fizz, a sandwich with crisps in lovely bread or a wrap, and a few peanuts. Or a home made scone or two with butter and a cup of tea. And a magazine. Bliss 🤩

Nice notebooks, a fountain pen and a month's supply of peanut Nakd bars go a long way in keeping things a bit more pleasant for me at work.

I'm also, after many, many years, just getting a bit better at just being okay, rather than striving to be perfect in everything.

I'm in a very bad patch with my chronic illness and what helps me is the little things- listening to the birds at dawn (I have pets so up early!), the morning sunrise, listening to a new audio book or a new cd with my eyes shut, emailing a good friend, having a hot bath, cooking a new recipe or baking some cakes when possible, writing in my journal, blogging about my day, visiting a relative, feeling the sun on my skin, listening to the rain, having lunch with a friend, sitting in the park with a book or just watching people and enjoying nature.

I know it all sounds a bit silly and trite but these things help to put life into perspective as before we know it 50 or 60 years have passed and we've missed it.

It’s hard when you’re under so much stress and your body is most likely in flight or fight mode. My last job was like this and it was making me so unhappy, I got a new one. It just wasn’t worth the toll it was taking on my mental health.

I have been a full time carer for my adult son who has autism and learning difficulties for a long time. It's challenging and exhausting despite the fact that I love him dearly. Things I do to manage the stress are:

Walking in woods and fields, being surrounded by nature is peaceful and grounding

Coffee or a meal out with close friends - not often but when I do manage it, it's lovely and life affirming, we have a good old moan and laugh a lot.

Long hot bubble baths with a good book - my way of winding down at the end of a long day!

Buying myself little treats like a favourite yoghurt or ready to eat nectarines - they might be a bit more expensive but worth it.

Yoga class once a week - that hour is just for me, and a good stretch helps with the tension in my neck, back & shoulders which is often the result of being stressed.

I hope you can build in some stress relieving activities into your day - even 10 minutes of mindfulness or meditation can make a difference. In the long term though, can you look for another job? Long term stress will have an effect on your health and no job is worth that.

I have a monthly back/neck/shoulder massage and that’s made a big difference- I was carrying so much tension there. It’s an indulgence but totally worth it.

Also (and I need to get better at this) but I try to have something booked in for the weekend at least every couple of weeks, so there’s something to look forward to. It doesn’t have to be massive- even just booking to go out for breakfast. On weekends when nothing is planned, at the very least I make sure to go for a walk and a coffee.

Hobbies that you can do in the house are good too. I’ve taught myself to sew, so treating myself to some fabric and setting aside a Sunday to make something is really satisfying.

I tend to have stressful jobs as my role is to turn problem projects around. I have resorted to antidepressants once when my personal life was awful as well. These days, though, I use a variety of techniques. Always having something to look forward to is useful. Having supportive colleagues I can have a laugh with is the best. On the worst days, I have an app called Real Time Pay, where I type in my hourly rate and start time, and it has a ticker that updates my pay for the day every second; I then plan what I’m going to do with the money.

I got a dog. He has dog walks in the when while I'm at work, but I walk him three days a week after work in the woods for at least an hour, plus at weekends obviously, and the dog himself plus the walks adds to my sense of wellbeing. He is a family member. I love the fact he lays around luxuriously and stretches, and he has a lovely collar and bow tie. He's gorgeous. Other dog walkers chat to you about your dog and it doesn't all seem so work orientated. He has dark and (seemingly) compassionate eyes and he's good for my son's, who walk him when I'm a bit pressed for time. As you can see, I recommend dog ownership!

I also take a somatics and yoga class every week, which is not negotiable and the somatics, particularly, helps.

For context of work, I am always rushing and attempting to make everyone satisfied and happy and take home work also (secondary teaching).

Get away from your job for a bit, a day or a week, till you feel you have enough time/distance to have perspective. And work out what would have to change to make it bearable/better/good. Work out what level works for you. If you know you’d lose money changing jobs, do the same exercise as that..

I moved from an incredibly stressful job to one that, admittedly paid the same but had fewer prospects. It was life changing realising I didn’t have that stress anymore and realising how much it had been slowly chipping away at my mental and physical health. No amount of beachy dog walks had been going to cure that.

I am now better paid, more relaxed, healthier, I’ve got my sense of humour back.

get your blood pressure checked.