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OCD. Any hope for a normal life?

11 replies

RedLeggedPartridge · 02/10/2025 22:41

DS is 18. Has been suffering from OCD for some years but is in a real spike. It’s so distressing and all consuming for him.
He is getting CBT. We are considering SSRI.
My heart breaks for him. I feel all his plans will never happen- he will never be able to travel on a gap year or cope at uni. I can’t see how he could ever marry - it would be too much of a strain on both him and any partner.

I am desperate for a light at the end of the tunnel. Is there anyone out there who has coped with OCD at uni, been able to travel. Are there successful relationships?

Please be gentle. I am not after negative stories- I know they are out there - but I am really needing something positive. I am physically exhausted myself with all the extra work his OCD creates for me and I am also mentally rock bottom myself. Can anyone offer any positives?

OP posts:
Hurumphh · 02/10/2025 22:50

CBT can be quite surface level. Have you explored a deeper psychotherapy eg Jungian as really gets to the root cause of anxieties. Look up Sheryl Paul’s work/book The Wisdom of Anxiety for both yourself and him for a feel of the approach. You’re very anxious about his future… it’s difficult to tell from your post if there’s a genuine reason to be this fearful, but I suspect not.

https://conscious-transitions.com/this-is-one-potent-way-to-find-freedom-from-ocd/

theocdstories.com/episode/sheryl-paul-279/

This is One Potent Way to Find Freedom From OCD

Highly sensitive people and those with OCD are highly conscientious, sensitive, empathic, and moral. This comes with trying to be perfect, which doesn't exist

https://conscious-transitions.com/this-is-one-potent-way-to-find-freedom-from-ocd/

Muddlemummy · 02/10/2025 22:52

My husband has OCD and we've had some really tough times but with right balance of medication, exercise and cbt in past we have git there. Good jobs, very happy together, honest about our flaws, 2 kids. 18 is so so young but can understand the worry Xx

Wowwhataworld · 02/10/2025 22:56

I have ocd as health anxiety. Cbt made a massive difference however I am also medicated and I put a lot of work in. I set myself weekly targets and goals, made a journal with all the paperwork provided and used these to fill out and look back on. Don’t get me wrong every time I feel I’m there I have a set back to remind me but I am determined to keep pushing through and not let a set back derail my progress so a lot of will power and wanting to change needed too!

AramintaWildbloode · 02/10/2025 22:58

First of all, OCD can come and go in strength so just because it is powerful at the moment certainly doesn’t mean it will be this bad in six months time let alone for his whole life.

I have had OCD since I was a child of 8 (am now 58) but it has ranged from seriously interrupting my daily life to almost just a small quirk.

I have had three courses of CBT (because it is the NHS only offering) but it doesn’t work for me at all and in fact I find it very annoying and facile so I ended the last course and will not be having anymore.

Medication helps a bit. Not just ssri’s. Definitely worth trying.

For me it is all about anxiety and my OCD is worst when I have too much stress to cope with.

Stress is part of life so unavoidable but I do try to manage and pace myself as much as possible.

I would also say that at 18 the work created by his OCD should be for him to complete rather than you.

So if it is germs and cleaning, or order, or checking then he needs to be the one to do it.

In doing things himself he will get more of a feel for the sheer boredom of OCD which is motivational in trying to cut down.

I say cut down because stopping is often too big to contemplate when really in the grip of it.

Despite my OCD I had a very successful nursing career, in fact my attention to detail and organisation which were part of my OCD were quite helpful.

I have also been married twice and although I am divorced now my OCD was not the cause.

MidnightMeltdown · 03/10/2025 01:07

A friend of mine had OCD as a teenager, so bad that she could barely function at the worst point. She had therapy and got over it. She’s now in her 30s and you would never know that she ever had it. I don’t know whether she ever thinks about it now because I haven’t asked, but if even if she does, it is completely under control and it doesn’t impact her life anymore. Just because he has OCD now, it doesn’t mean that he will always have it. People can and do get over it.

MoonWasBlue · 03/10/2025 02:02

I’m in my late 60s OP and I’ve had OCD -on and off, and in varying degrees - since I gave birth to my first child at 19 and came home concerned I was going to cause his death by ‘germs.’ I had anxiety prior to that though, which manifested as anxiety attacks - a topic also not spoken about back then.

l’ve had CBT, talk therapy and medication at different times. They were somewhat effective - and what I’ve come to realize is that in times of unavoidable stress my OCD starts kicking back in. I challenge it, and as things start to get better, as the stressor resolves, it drops off again. It’s always there a bit, but nothing that stops me living my life.

After first experiencing OCD at 19 - when no one talked about it and few doctors knew about it, there was no treatment and I really feel that if there had been I would have had an easier life, although I still went on to bring up 3 healthy children (who don’t have any signs of OCD, one did have social anxiety), and I returned to my education and got a university degree, and held down many different jobs. I really didn’t have a career as such, but this was not due to OCD, it was because I became ill with something else.

My granddaughter aged19 has OCD, and I first recognised it when she was about 10. And she’s undertaken CBT - and talk therapy and now is on effective medication. She’s had her struggles, but she has finished her schooling and qualified for a place at university, but after a year of intense study she decided to take a year off. 6 months of which she worked in a ski resort. It was a bit of a rocky start at that job, but once she’d settled in it went fine. She’s returned with new confidence and is looking forward to taking up a university spot next year. One thing that has really helped my granddaughter was a 3 week in house hospital program she completed with other teens around her age last year. I’m in Australia so I don’t know if they have something similar where you live. It was difficult for her parents to persuade her to stay there during the first week, but after that she thrived. She left the program with new friends - a group of teens that stay in touch and are very supportive of each other - but I think what was equally as helpful was just being around kids in their late teens with similar problems. She realized she was not alone in this.

I’ve read they there are people who do manage to put OCD behind them completely, but I think for many of us it’s a matter of dealing with it and applying what we know when we need to - usually in times of stress.

I do think that the internalized pressure ocd sufferers have to hide their ocd because of judgemental people is unfortunate. If the world would just realize there is no normal, and that we all have our different stuff, maybe we could all just be open about it, and not fear social judgement, and all have a better life as a result.

hhtddbkoygv · 03/10/2025 02:08

Nope. Been suffering since I was 4. Tried every med.

nolight · 03/10/2025 10:05

OCD is such a horrendous condition. You have my full sympathy. My DS (16) developed severe OCD in summer 2024 but he has made progress. He is on SSRIs which he says have helped him, and has been fortunate to have some sessions with a psychologist. He has now been able to go to a local college to do a course he wants.

My username is nolight because I started a post about it when I felt there was no light at the end of the tunnel but I should change it now because there is definitely light. He continues to suffer from OCD but has managed to stop some of the really bad rituals which were causing his body to be red raw with washing, and also cause him a lot of distress.

I've learnt a lot about OCD over this last year and it's a response from the part of the brain which is there to keep us safe from harm (the bit that triggers the flight, fright or fight response). Unfortunately this part of the brain is not connected to the rational part of the brain. It's like it is on overdrive and instead of helping, it causes more harm than good.

Do you know what is causing his increased anxiety at the moment?

JellyRains · 03/10/2025 10:32

I'm sorry to read about your ds. You are, of course, worried sick.

I have had OCD since my teens and am now nearly 40. It has come and gone in its intensity over the years, at some points I have been hospitalised, at others it was just in the background of my mind. I’m a mum, I'm happily married, I'm well educated. Don't give up hope.

If you can afford it, get him ERP. It's the only thing that is proven to have a significant impact.

Also start to wean yourself off if you are involved in his compulsions. I know that's difficult but enabling them doesn't help in the long run.

justnottinghill · 03/10/2025 10:35

Try EMDR - it’s magic. I received on NHS for OCD. Obviously not cured but my life is normal now!

Zemu · 03/10/2025 10:42

Yes, absolutely. Get a blood test to check for vitamin deficiencies.

Read Brain Energy by Christopher Palmer.

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