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One sided friendship or not?

5 replies

sunflowers365 · 02/10/2025 12:50

I have a friend. I feel a huge sense of emotional connection / kindred spirits / lots in common on a deep level and a lot of shared interests. I get mixed messages from her about how she feels about me though. I'm so keen to be friends due to how strongly I feel this 'connected', but equally I don't want to keep 'putting myself out there' emotionally if it's not at least somewhat mutual.

The positive are: lots of chat when we meet, she always says yes when I ask to meet, shares things with me from time to time (eg: books), replies quickly to my texts, says she enjoys time with me, kind and warm to me emotionally when I open up about my life, kind to me when I show anxieties etc (she knows I have a trauma history).

The negatives are: almost never messages me first (done this like twice in several years), never initiates a meet up, doesn't ask follow up questions or say 'i'm here to chat' etc when I open up about my life, doesn't share as much about personal life as I do (sometimes they share a lot though). I'm just so confused. Maybe they are struggling to 'shrug me off', maybe they do like me but just vaguely.

I don't know and it's driving me up the wall feeling so confused about it. Advice would be appreciated!

OP posts:
FlyingUnicornWings · 02/10/2025 14:26

Honestly? You’re overthinking it. The friendship sounds so lovely. I’m struggling to see what the problem is?

sunflowers365 · 02/10/2025 20:41

Thank you so much. Maybe I’m just overthinking it.

OP posts:
Bonden · 02/10/2025 21:15

Maybe you’re not showing enough interest and care for her - it could feel lopsided for her. Maybe.

sunflowers365 · 02/10/2025 21:37

It’s a useful perspective to think from, thank you. I ask a lot about her life, how she is, tell her that I’m here to chat, etc. I am very encouraging, always cheering her on etc. I would be surprised if she felt that I wasn’t showing enough care, but then again people can be surprising!

OP posts:
Bedheadbeachbum · 02/10/2025 21:55

Yes I have friends like that! Sometimes I overthink it, she sounds really nice. I think you just accept you're the initiator - although things like this bother me so I get where you are coming from.

Chances are you're doing something to annoy her too that she won't tell you either! We all have a different 'love language' where it comes to friendship. I value people checking in with me, maybe I have friends who want me to be more expressive in our friendship.

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