Anyone else overthink after saying / messaging stuff?

[Honeysucklelane]

Why do I often feel like such a knob and overthink things when I’ve sent a perfectly harmless message or said something?

I’ll feel anxious about it for hours afterwards when the person receiving it in all likelihood doesn't even give it a second thought.

It’s never anything bad - for example, years ago I made a passing comment I’d like my parents to take me to the new Globe theatre when I graduated. I still cringe about that when I remember it as it was possibly the ‘wrong audience’ and maybe it sounded pretentious.

I'm like this too. I think its part of having GAD and ADHD.

Yes I'm like this. I usually write most messages (WhatsApp) to myself first and then have a think before I send them. I'm like this with f2f as well, I feel like I either don't ask enough questions or I worry I've asked something prying. It means usually I go quiet and people think I'm standoffish.

I do have a lot of ADHD traits tbh, but then some that seem to contradict ADHD. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I still overthink things from 50 yrs ago. I lose sleep!

That’s a great idea! Usually it’s all fine with friends and family. I think it’s more on group chats with people I’m not close to when no one responds to what I’ve sent. I just feel stupid.

Yes absolutely. I get my husband to read over WhatsApps before I send them - even if it just to a school mum I don't know that well!!

I blame it on my ADHD and autism, but maybe I'm just pathetic 😬

Aww bless you, it’s such a curse isn’t it? Other people will have totally forgot it by now - unless it was something mega offensive which I’m sure it wasn’t.

Definitely - I could have written your post. Whenever I attend a social event I get hit by a wave of anxiety afterwards that I said something wrong or didn’t say something I should have done.

Hey you are NOT pathetic! Don’t be so hard on yourself. My mother calls me pathetic when I’m telling her about work situations I’ve struggled with, it’s horrible to be called that when it’s my sensitive personality and ability to pick up on things that are going on.

It’s usually texts in my case, but can be face to face too. I mentally kick myself afterwards.

Yep, all the time. I spend hours going over in my head messages I've sent/things I've said convinced that I'm sure to have upset/offended someone or that my comments will appear stupid.

I know, its ludicrous, but my brain doesn't switch off and will randomly think of something I didn't or said throughout my life. Trying to sleep is a nightmare, I have to use relaxing lighting, play music or put films on to switch off the inner thoughts. Nuts at nearly 60!

You sound lovely op. I completely identify with your worries. Like other PP, I’m still thinking about interactions from 30 years ago. Awful and exhausting. I try so hard to consider everything I communicate but then worry that I come across as awkward! It’s endless and tiring 😢

I sometimes do this but I'm sure it's because I've had people misinterpret what I've said. I've also had friends or one family member in particular, tell me about so and so who sent a msg saying xyz "but if you read it again carefully she is actually getting a dig about abc."

This nonsense made me scrutinize every msg I sent to make sure it can't come across as something it's not.

Me too. It’s annoying to care / worry about things on such a deep level.

Thank you.

In a way it’s better we’re like this. I was talking about this with a friend, (who is often outspoken and says rude things) if she ever worries about conversations / messages afterwards and she said no. Which leads me to think the people like us who do overthink it, probably aren’t causing offence.

Several people can read the same message and come up with different takes on how it comes across. I guess this modern lifestyle of texting makes it even harder for overthinkers as we can look back at the message - and the recipient might misinterpret the context / tone.

NT and this happens to me all the time, especially if with people I'm keen to impress like colleagues I look up to

Me too - I always cringe at my messages and worry I've said something wrong until I get a positive reply back, then I realise I was worrying for nothing.