Starting to hate my life… I feel like I’m too young to be this depressed.

[Loocieloox]

I’ve recently realised I’ve started to HATE my life. I hate everything I’ve done so far and I’m regretting so many things. I’ve been in a relationship since I was 14, I’m 23 now and have a 5 year old. I think I’m falling out of love with my partner, who is literally perfect in every way, and I hate myself for it. I keep thinking about what could have been if I wasn’t such a fragile, anxious mess my whole childhood. Who I could have been and the things I could have done… I could have travelled and I could have had friends, I could have left the house more often, I could have had more experiences and not felt so bored all of the time. I dread waking up every day… I love my child so much, don’t get me wrong, but I keep daydreaming about where I could have been if I wasn’t so young and stupid. What have I missed out on? How do I stop this feeling..?

In my experience you can’t stop this feeling. Look at it another way; all feelings are valid and point you towards something you want to change now. If you try and suppress these feelings they will pop up again soon as these feelings are telling you that something needs to change. You can’t change your past but you can make small changes to feel better in the present. If you feel like you need medication then contact your gp, as medication can help. Also try counselling to help you understand the circumstances that have led you to be who you are and then grace and forgiveness for yourself. These feelings, although really unpleasant, can lead you to a different path.

I keep thinking about what could have been if I wasn’t such a fragile, anxious mess my whole childhood.

Can you expand on that a bit?

Oh, and try to stop hating yourself – when you beat yourself up you just end up beaten and that does no one any good. Aim for neutral if you can for now.

The great thing about having your child when you were young is that you’ll only be 36 when they’re 18. You have the whole life ahead of you, you have plenty of time to travel, go out, party … whatever you want to do.

Like the previous poster said, get some therapy now to work out what drove your anxiety and blocked you from these things when you were younger. ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) might be right for you.

All of those things you wished you could have done are still there for the taking when you are ready.

I went through a period of depression around age 23, for no good reason at all. Depression is non-discriminatory like that!

You seem to be regretting a lot of things you haven't done yet... but you are only 23. You have a LOT of time ahead of you. My mum was 18 when she had me. It blows my mind how young she was when I was an adult - eg when I got to 38 I couldn't imagine me with a 20 year old child.

You've got sooo much ahead of you. There's time. (My mum went backpacking alone around NZ at 54.)

You've obviously got some feelings to unpack. Please do seek help. I just wanted to reassure you that there's still plenty of time for living the life you want.

Thank you all for your kind words, I have a lot of childhood trauma that I’m working through in therapy. It led to me being a really anxious teenager and sort of relying on my partner constantly for support or a feeling of safety etc. I think I’m just really down at the minute, it feels like I’ve messed everything up!

Travelling, having friends and going out more aren't things that have to be done at any particular age. If you were dealing with childhood trauma, maybe none of those things would have been appropriate at the time. Now, you are blaming yourself for leaning on someone who was/is happy to be leaned on. Talk to your therapist about turning the page instead of re-hashing the past. Start small, library, book club, sports like swimming baths, voluntary work like cheering up old people in hospital. Once you start, it's endless. This way you meet people, hopefully make a few friends and move on from there. Does that sound feasible?