Struggling with thoughts of work party

[Senatta]

I’ve been on sertraline for the past four years and have never felt better. My anxiety has lessened making me feel more relaxed in myself. The issue I’ve got is our works Christmas ‘do’ as the thought of sitting with people I don’t know that well, just terrifies me. I know I’ll have to chat and some of them I just know I’ll have nothing in common with (just work for the same company). There’s only about three colleagues I know in the 20 that’ll be there.

It makes me feel a bit pathetic writing this, but I don’t really have anyone to share this with. Has anyone felt like this, if so, what did you do? Thank you.

What is it about being seated with people you don't know that well that 'terrifies' you? Are you able to make small talk generally?

Obviously you don't have to go but you might find it useful to try to figure out exactly what scares you. Then you can invalidate it.

Haven't been there exactly, but have lots of social anxiety.
Is it a general milling around kind of party or a dinner table thing?
If it's general milling around, I usually stand close by to people so it looks like I'm part of the group, but don't join in with the conversation (unless someone talks directly to me).
It makes me feel more part of it if I tell myself I'm going to be floating around between groups, and just do smalltalk.
Practice small talk phrases, and practice moving on to another group.
And don't be scared of disappearing to the corridor or toilets if you feel overwhelmed

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I do find it difficult to keep up with conversations when there’s more than one person talking. There are some colleagues that know one another well, and I’m more reserved and quiet. I can cope with small talk (just about) but I know it will be more groupy.

I think it will be more dinner table set up which worries me as I might up end stuck in the middle of two colleagues and I’ll have nothing to say. I struggle so much with people I don’t know and can’t get my words out properly.

"which department are you in? Do you enjoy your work?"
"how long have you been with the company?"
"have you travelled far to get here?" (apparently a favourite question of the last queen)
"what traditions do you have over Christmas?"

There you go – five simple questions to get a conversation going. Worst comes the worst, eat one or two courses then have an 'urgent call' and make your excuses. No one will notice.

Most people like talking about themselves or things they love so if you maybe ask them about themselves and show interest.People live a good listener.

What have you got planned for Christmas?

Do you love Christmas?

What do you like to do a on a break?

I've been thinking what i'd do if I win tattslotto - how would you spend the money?

(Also think about his you might answer there as they might ask you back) .

Is there something topical in the news like some legal case that's sparked people's interest?

'Have you been following the X case and do you think they are guilty'

But I think the key is focusing on the other person.

In the group situation likely you don't have to do much.

I feel like this sometimes and therefore don't always go to social things outside of work. It's no big deal just say you're busy!

Don't go then.

I feel like this about work social events. I like my workmates so it’s not that, but the whole thing just causes me a lot of worry and anxiety for similar reasons to you. I now just don’t go, I don’t make up an excuse, I just say no, honestly no one cares.

Firstly, if your meds aren’t working they need adjusting.
Secondly, very few people enjoy socialising with colleagues they don’t know. You just have to realise that nobody cares if you’re the life of the party. Just be polite and ask them questions about themselves.

Or, just don’t go and claim you’re sick. It’s only a work party it’s not like you’ll miss much.

Sorry but these questions are very clunky or apropos of nothing and I’d honestly struggle to answer them or go further than a simple yes or no. I’d be desperate to get away! ‘What do you like to do on a break?’ I’d be at that. Asking my opinion on a criminal case. Weird.

Agree tho that people like nothing better than to talk about themselves but start broader and simpler. Then continue to ask questions without it being the Spanish Inquisition. If you find a point of connection bring it in.

“what are your plans for Christmas” is a foolproof starter as it brings in family, friends, travel that you can continue to discuss in detail and likely to find some connection. Easy to bring others into the conversation too and everyone has a good Xmas anecdote.

“which department do you work in” is also good but could end up in a dead end if it’s a bit dull or technical.

“I’m desperate to find some new binge worthy tv/podcasts, what have you liked recently?” Then bring in what you have liked.. maybe discuss some part of the storyline as a general conversation starter. At a wedding recently I had endless very funny and interesting conversations with strangers ( who I would now count as friends) that started with them asking me how the flight was and me saying I’d watched 3 seasons of White Lotus on the plane there.

’im already thinking of my summer holidays as it’s so cold but I’m trying to decide. Where did you go this year?’

etc etc

It was good to hear your perspective.

People will obviously ask questions in their own way and I agree just blurting out a question would be a bit strange. But if you do find common ground conversation normally comes easy.

What questions resonate is very personal.

Don't go - don't force yourself to do something you don't want to do - be sick. If there are a couple of colleagues you are comfortable with, perhaps suggest a quiet drink another time. Glad the sertraline is working well for you!