Will social service take my childen away if I suffer for deprassion and anxitey?

[Dhano21]

Hi everyone, I’m looking for some advice and reassurance.

I suffer with PTSD and heightened anxiety, and I recently reached out to my local mental health team for some extra support alongside the antidepressants I’m already on. I asked about therapy, as I really want to work on things for myself.

I have two little ones (ages 2 and 4), and my husband is their main carer. We also have a good network of family and friends who support my husband and the kids. Despite this, when I spoke with the mental health team, they decided to refer me to social services/social care.

When I asked the lady why she was making the referral, she said, “what if one day something happens to your husband?” I explained that I have friends and family around who would step in and support us if that ever happened. Even so, she didn’t listen and still went ahead with the referral. She also said that if I refused, it would be seen as more concerning, and told me they would need to carry out an “initial assessment.”

I love my children to bits — they are my world. My daughter has just started nursery recently, and both children are happy, loved, cared for, and fed.

My husband is a full time stay at home dad we have a good support of family and friends

We currently receive state benefits

The kids are happy healthy

Me and my husband don't drink or smoke never had any sucidal thoughts or anything like that

I'm a very religious and spiritual person.

I’m now feeling really anxious about what this means.
• What exactly is an initial assessment like?
• What sort of questions do they ask?
• What are they looking for?
• What can possibly happen after this?

I’m just so worried about what to expect and whether this could somehow mean social services trying to take my children away.

Any advice or experiences would be so appreciated. Thank you 💙

@Dhano21 So sorry to hear you're struggling with anxiety and depression- it's horrible and relentless, but definitely doesn't make you a "bad" mum.
Assuming you work if your husband is a SAHD? This shows resilience in itself 💐

They won't take your children away!

@everychildmattershey both me and my partner don't work. My husband is the primary carer for my childen and I support him.

@VikaOlsonwhy are they doing this if we a managing ok. I'm so scared I haven't got anything to hide but the thought of them is bad enough. I love both my kids they are my everything

@Dhano21 Ah I see. So I take it you wouldn't perhaps see yourself as capable of looking after the children if your husband returned to work? How old are they? Is the reason you're not in work due to your anxiety and depression?

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

When you are in contact with mental health services and have young children, a referral to social services is routine and normal. Just go along with seeing them.

If there is a supportive wider family and no other concerns they will categorically NOT take your children away. They just want to support you and prevent things spiralling.

@ Im not working due to my Anxitey and PTSD but I'm capable of looking after my children with the help and support of my children.

I do support him in taking care of the children. We split duties.

Will they take my kids away if I can't take of them by self? Even if my husband is supporting me and being a full time stay at home dad?

@everychildmatters
It’s right there in the first post - they are 2 and 4.

The initial assessment is just to check that you are managing and to see if there's any support they can offer. The mental team aren't qualified to make an assessment so the referral will just be automatic.

Removing children from the home is an absolute last resort where there is no one safe to care for them and they are at risk of significant harm.

@Dhano21 Of course not. But I can see why they might just want to check things are OK. Do you envisage a time when one of you at least can return to work so you can perhaps better support yourselves? Must be tricky for you all.

Nothing you've said indicates your children would be taken away (things have to be pretty bloody bad for that to happen). It's probably just the combination of your health needs and the fact that you are on a v low income has just about hit the bar for a check in.

They will just come round, check things seem OK, and then you'll probably never hear from them again.

Everyone is v critical of social services every time something awful happens - it is their job to check kids are OK - it does not mean anything awful will happen.

It’s very unlikely you would lose your children unless you’ve omitted information. I guess their concern would be that you clearly feel unable to manage the children alone hence your husband needing to be primary carer. Obviously in an ideal world, one of you would go out to work. Well done for asking for help. I hope you get the therapy you need.

No, they won’t.

But, I’d imagine he won’t be able to stay at home forever and claim benefits. There may be some leeway if you are incapacitated but it’s not automatic and I agree with you that help/ counselling is the way to go. You want to be able to look after your kids yourself at home, I think? You could also go to work and use childcare but this doesn’t actually make you anything less than the primary or secondary parent.

X

Hey, thank you for commenting. We don’t want to be living on benefits for our whole lives. I actually want to start working next year, hopefully by then my mental health will have improved. I’m really working on it with things like meditation and breathing exercises and stuff like that. I hate being on benefits and I don’t want to be on them. I want to be able to go out and work, and also teach my child the right way of doing things in life. My husband also wants to go back to work, but right now he wants to give this time to his children, and my mental health is improving. Don’t get me wrong, but I’m just not 100% there yet; fingers crossed, in a few months I will be. @MusicalCarbuncle

Please don't worry..... I went through the same thing and actually ended up being a good thing. SS offered to help with nursery twice a week so I could rest or attend appointments

@ninjahamsteri havent ommited any Information,

Yes in a real world both of us or at least one of us should be working. I really want to get back into work but I'm also very confident that once I get therapy I should be good enough to go to work or atleat be able to take care of my childen.