Should I go?

[Smam123]

14 years I've been with my partner, he's always been verbally abusive but makes it up to me, is nice for a while then will do it again, he's had his hands around my neck a few times and spat on me but recently smacked me full force in the face, I'm trying my best to get somewhere to go but he's constantly pulling me back trying to be nice and it makes me feel guilty.. we have 4 children someone please tell me its OK to leave and things will be OK because I'm absolutely sick of my life my head is all over

Yes,
Tell your GP and mental health team, get supporting documentation , ask mental health or GP to make a marac referral
Report to police
ask local authority for housing given you have children

You should contact somewhere like women’s aid so they can help you make a safe plan to leave, don’t attempt on your own. He’s a very dangerous man.

As stupid as I sound and probably am, I won't get anyone involved because I don't want to upheave the kids and cause a shitstorm, peacefully going is my hoped for option, to just find a home and go, my only concern is he won't leave me alone

It is v unlikely he’ll just accept you and the children moving out. You might be peaceful, he isn’t peaceful. At all. He’s violent
Practically how will you sort new accommodation to move your children?
If you don’t reveal the DV, on paper you’ll be an adult with 4 children seeking new accommodation, it’s hard without GP and or CMHT and supporting documentation etc

Clear your browser history and phone history

You should at least call and speak to women’s aid, get their advice before you attempt to leave.

Just give a fake name if you’re worried about them contacting anyone.