Trying to understand myself

[ChipperChou]

I’m in my mid 50s and have been working from home since Covid. I feel as if now I struggle to hold a conversation with people when we occasionally go into the office (meetings, etc). There’s always an opportunity to ask questions at the end of the meeting, but it’s always the same few, questions that don’t really have an answer. I find it time wasted so just sit there usually. I rarely join in with anything, I just don’t always know what to say as someone else has usually jumped in before me. I do have friends but rarely see them, different times in life.

. I’ve got an adult DD with ADHD and possibly ASD and I do worry about her a lot, I feel so different to anyone else who seem to have things set up. I’m on ADs and sometimes wonder if I need a higher dose. Can anyone relate?

I think a lot of people have become more isolated since the lockdowns. It does feed into depression and anxiety as you aren’t socialising and getting out and about.
I’m not preaching as I rarely leave the house now following a devastating bereavement.
Might be worth speaking to your GP and exploring other solutions and strategies such as walking or engaging in a hobby if you can.
Do you feel like you were sociable and engaged at work before? Sounds like you are feeling like your opinion doesn’t matter so why bother. If you do have things to say or ask you could email your line manager or write a question down and jump in to ask.
Could you change jobs or do something different? That probably feels too scary atm.
Re your daughter it’s understandable that you worry about her. You could get more specific advice on the SEN boards.
Hope you can start to feel more positive soon.

I worked from home since 2015 and it has definitely affected me cognitively. I can only describe it as I need to move to be able to think.

It's different in many ways but when I was on maternity not long past covid I was at home or alone with ds a lot and I went from being really confident in an extremely social job to actually very anxious and shy, I didn't really notice how much of a difference there was in myself until I went back to work and found it really difficult (not even counting the element of leaving ds).

If you're working a lot at home and not getting much opportunity to socialise then that will naturally create anxiety and make you feel 'rusty' when you go to use those social skills again. I wonder if you could work from the office more often? Even by adding an extra day a week or something might help you to feel like you're easing back into things more. Or if that's not practical with work could you join a hobby in your free time that allows you to socialise more on a regular basis?

It's understandable you worry about your dd a lot, and that's very hard to navigate especially if you provide care for her as it's not easily stepped back from. But I do think that having a full and fulfilling life helps us to keep those anxieties in perspective. Another thing that might be worth considering is that often ASD or ADHD can be genetic, is it possible that you may also be ND and have just been so used to masking that having this space where you didn't need to has allowed you to notice the actual energy that was taking?