Missing feeling carefree

[Val1985]

Wondering if anyone can relate...I've struggled on and off with anxiety (particularly health anxiety) since the birth of my last child. This coincided with a few things - general postpartum/covid/geopolitics/sickness of family members. I feel every so often it just flares, but for me, it's always bad after a dose of covid.

Today I painted some sitting room units. The room is big and I had all the windows and doors open, but it had a primer in it so was string smelling. A couple of hours in I got a bit woozy so stopped and got some air. In my 20s I would have laughed it off, thought it was hilarious I was lightheaded on paint fumes and got on with it. But today I was riddled with anxiety, convinced I was going to drop or have done so awful damage (straight down the Google rabbit hole). I felt fine again after some water and a sleep (I did learn my lesson - I'm not a seasoned DIYer).

Sometimes I just miss how carefree I use to be though - when I didn't always jump to worse case scenario and just rolled with it. Just a vent really 🫠

Hi op

I can relate. A lot. Google convinced me this week that I caused my dog to go blind and ended in up having him pts. It's really weighing heavy on me. I've got ocd. Im convinced it's my fault my sons autistic. Everything's my fault and im a horrible human basically.

My uncle is budist and he explained that I didn't ask for this fragile human form and I need to be kinder on myself. It's true. We can't help who we are.

Have you tried talking therapy?

Hi @Helplessandheartbroke that's tough going - and I know your uncle is right logically, it's just hard to let it go isn't it? My husband says similar to me - today he actually told me "there are teenagers passed out in a field somewhere right now from huffing and here you are, having a breakdown because you're lightheaded after painting a unit" 😅 and he had a point I suppose!

I tried talk therapy when I was really in the depths of postpartum anxiety. It did help a bit, but I never really clicked with my therapist. I do loads to try and combat it - yoga, meditation, acupuncture, walking - but then something small like today can trigger me into a total downward spiral. Then I get the guilts because I've wasted a day ruminating rather than play with my kids.

I'm timing time will help? I do believe mine is part hormones that haven't fully settled yet (I finished BFing 2.5 years ago but GP days hormones can take years after a difficult pregnancy) and also just the world. I found covid hard especially with a family death and death of a friends child.

Have you found anything that helps?

God I haven't been carefree for a very long time either. Also have health anxiety along with PTSD and about a million other fucking things.

Do you find anything helps with it at all?

Hey, nothings helped yet op im still searching. I ruminate a lot it drives you crazy doesn't it! Logic doesn't come into for me because it's always the what if....

Tbh it depends on environment and life stressors, some times some things work and other times they don't. I try really hard to keep self care a habit and quiet relaxing activities like baths, reading, colouring in, word searches, jigsaw puzzles etc but it appears to be a lifelong battle. I've tried CBT, talking therapy both more than once, I've tried havening which is similar to EMDR but I couldn't afford to continue it, I've tried hypnotherapy, I'm on medication. Nothing is a cure apparently.