How can I help my friend

[dora1234m]

My friend lost her only parent earlier this year. She lived with her parent in a council property. The property is in bad condition- mould in bathroom and I think they also had a problem with hoarding and poor physical and mental health has meant that general jobs and tidying in the home has got on top of them.

The house is piled high and has dirty rubbish in the piles and the kitchen and bathroom are not clean. She has said she feels suicidal and has contacted the Samaritans and another grief counselling locally. I find it hard to sleep at night as I’m so worried about her. She is on medication from the GP but isn’t taking it and is finding lots of reasons not to do so, when having review with doctor told him she was taking medication which is a lie.

I wondered if anyone knows how I can get more support for her. She is definitely depressed and in a rut. Currently signed off work but due back in two weeks. Her sick pay runs out then so needs to go back to cover bills etc. she has no motivation to move anything forward which is making her worse.

thanks for any suggestions you can offer.

Firstly is her housing tenancy secure? That's a top priority.

What would she say if you offered to help clean a small patch of her own choosing - is she also a hoarder or is it more the scale of the task plus the bereavement do you think?

Would she go for a walk with you or watch a film with you at your house?

I'd start very small, a big plan would potentially be just overwhelming.

Her tenancy is secure but not necessarily the property as they’ve said it’s too large and she may need a one bed. Again we’ve found CAB who can offer support but she won’t find any motivation to access this. Myself and another friend have been to her house we’ve offered to clean or sort things without throwing anything away but it is all refused.
we have been taking her out and having her round for meals and films. She has also stayed over at our houses. We have tried to support in as many ways we can.

All you can do is offer.

I understand your concern but she's an adult and you can't force her to do anything.

If you have genuine concerns about her mental health then you do have an option of involving adult social services, you may want to think that through with your other friend.

Focus on protecting your own mental health, your lack of sleep needs watching.

OP the best thing you can do currently is not join her in despair. If your sleep is being impacted, you need to firstly step back and refocus on your own life. Once you have this in check you can once again reflect on what you are prepared to offer and what you are not. Also be aware that whatever she says to you, you are not attending any of these appointments with her so you have no idea what is being said. If she is spiralling, which she may well do, there is, unfortunately not much you can do to stop the momentum. It may just have to work it's way through. The worst thing you can do for your own mental health is to take on too much responsibility for her. She is an adults, she does have choices. Let her make them.

Thank you. I really needed to hear something like this

Thank you