how long does pnd last?

[gingernutlover]

dd is now 2.5 and although i did seem to get better for a while i am really down again

dh says i am not depressed, just dont like my life

i love my dd and dh, so why do i spend most of my time wishing i was in a dark cupboard completely alone?

am thinking about going back to the gp and maybe asking about going back on AD's but i really not sure, i went to see her a few weeks back and told her how i was just constantly exhuasted and down and she did do blood tests (which were all fine) and said to go back but to be honest i could just see her thiking well of course youa re tired woman you are a mother "snap out of it" just like dh does

i am just so completely knackered all the time and no matter how many rests i take i never feel better, its not just a physical exhaustion, it is mental too i think

i wonder if its possible i still; have pnd, how lng has everyone else lasted? how long on the ad's and councelling etc?

only have chance for quick post sorry. go see another doc is that is how she makes you feel, tho she may well be having bad day. it does sounds like you are still feeling depressed tho whether or not this is pnd, i do not know. good luck sweetheart, ttfn. fmxxx

(btw i had pnd too and am recovering xxx)

Please don't think badly of your gp. She sounded really decent from what you have said. And when you go back and explain how exhausted you feel, if she is a good gp she will definitely understand.

I think it may be your low self esteem or possible depression that makes you worry about what your gp is thinking of you - she won't judge you, only give you the best treatment to feel better.

Please go back, she can't help if you don't go.

And pnd lasts a different amount of time for each of us. It can't really be compared.

I had pnd too. Really horrid, isn't it? And very confusing with changes in how you feel all the time.

thankyou, no i do not feel badly about the gp - i do think its the way i am feeling which clouds things people say - end up having loads of arguments with dh because i aleways hear things in a negatiuve way - am suprised he is still about to be honet, only cos he adores dd

i will go back i think and try againw ith gp, the other things is that it does seem worse and then better agaoin for a bit and then worse again, sometimes it seems so much better that i think i must have just been a stu;pid self person for feeling the way i did last week but then it comes back again and i feel like i must go back to gp

i have been off ad's about a year now and in that time we have moved house, so i do wonder if thats what has set me back

Unfortunately that's the pattern with depression. Sometimes everything feels manageable, and then, seemingly without warning, everything is overwhelming and it feels like there is no way out again.

However! It is so very important to try to do the following EVERY DAY: negative thoughts have got to go. Every day say (out loud if poss) 5 things in a positive way. Such as, "I am having a great day today", "I am a happy person", "I stay relaxed and calm" etc etc. Tailor it to you.

Its called positive affirmations. And it works. Your subconscious takes on board your thoughts, so give it positive vibes. Every time you think negatively about ANYTHING, drown it out with the opposite.

I know it sounds loony, but it worked for me and I had terrible severe depression. I don't have depression any more, pnd or otherwise.

Would you give it a try?

i would give anything a try now, did you get yourself pout of the depression just on positive thinking?

Yes. There was a definite method to it. Because it's so hard to stick to anything when feefling so bad, there had to be a routine to follow.

I had to write out my positive affirmations. They had to be in the present tense, and personal to what I wanted myself to be. I put things like "I like myself", "I stay calm all day" (I suffered terrible anxiety), "I really enjoy walking in the fresh air every day" etc.

I had to read them out loud at least 3 times a day. Definitely when just out of bed, definitely before getting back in bed, and sometime during the afternoon. I got someone to be a helper ie. to nag me to do it every day (my mum would phone every day to check).

I also had to leave the house for fresh air and a walk EVERY DAY. Even when I felt particularly bad.

And, within a few weeks, no more, I felt lighter.

It works because the subconscious listens to the internal chatter, and thinks it is real. For example I used to feel negative about everything, and so my subconscious must have thought I was in the middle of a war zone! Once I put positive thoughts in, my subconscious suddenly realised life was actually enjoyable and safe.

Once I felt better, I then could push myself to do things I felt a little uncomfortable with, to help myself realise that I was now ok and could handle anything. Such as going to the pub with a friend (couldn't do it before due to mass anxiety), etc.

Hi gingernutlover

I was diagnosed with pnd about 4 weeks after DS was born and was prescribed amitriptyline at 150mg a day. I'd previously been on various SSRI antidepressants since about September 1999, though when I became pregnant I'd been off antidepressants for over 6 months.

The reason I'm telling you this is because I think that sometimes you're never 'cured' of depression; you just find ways to cope with it and get through the black days. When I was first diagnosed with pnd DP wasn't really aware of how low I felt and how it affected my day to day existence. I finally came off amitriptyline almost 2 years after DS was born, gradually reducing the dose over a period of months and doing so completely off my own back. I don't want to go into personal circumstances too much but DP split up for a short time and this change in circumstances seemed to be a catalyst for the change in my mental health, coupled with a very supportive mother and sister who themselves have gone through periods of depression at various points in their lives.

I still have black days. I still have days when all I want to do is sleep. My mother died 12 weeks ago and I have periods now where all I can do is cry, and I can sometimes feel myself standing on the precipice of that black hole again, but something stops me from slipping and I don't know what it is.

I now realise that when DS was first born I didn't actually 'like' him. That sounds a dreadful thing to say but I didn't like my own son and I thought I was the worst mother in the world and that I just wasn't meant to be a mother. It took me a long time to accept that my son loved me and that being with him was the best thing in the world, and now I can't imagine there was ever a time when I didn't love him with all my heart and soul. He is my reason for being and that might be what's changed my mental outlook. I now have a reason to keep going, a reason to get up in the morning. It just took me a while to realise it.

Different people react differently to different treatments. As I've mentioned, I've tried pretty much every SSRI going, and although amitriptyline 'worked' when I was initially diagnosed, it left me so tired during the day that I was, effectively, a zombie. I've had cognitive behaviour therapy in the past and that has worked. I still use some of the thought processes and techniques to this day so maybe that could be something you could investigate with your GP? Or if you don't feel up to an intensive therapy session (which CPT is), how about talking to a counsellor? Your GP should be able to arrange a session at your health centre, although you may have to wait a few weeks. Most of all I think talking helps, even if it's to your partner or family member. Sometimes, even just posting something on MN helps relieve tension and get things off your chest.

thankyou ladies i will try the positive thoughts thing, but to be honest i kmostly feel like my brain works on several levels and i can make my conscious thopughts positive but others seem to creep in uncontrollably - and i dont know how to stop them

i too didnt like dd when she was born - well maybe not disliked her but def disliked the whole situation, the constant crying and other people telling me i was so lucky and my mum saying that it was normal to feel like that and how dd was being "just like you were, you know" with that smug look on her face

i can honestly say there hasnt been a day since she was born when i havent had those thoughts about wanting to hide in a dark cupboard with no noise noone touching me, nothing at all and every time dh opens his mouth is as if hes saying i am wrong, worng wrong, wrong, i should snap out of it, i should be happy i should get over it etc etc etc etc

i wake up every morning deciding that today will be the day i am happy and will enjoy my life and enjoy dd and be a good wife to dh but somehow it always seems to go[earshaped by about 10am

dh does have dd for me at times, like this morning he stayed in with her while i went bargain hunting at a boot fair but this was marred by him saying "you know you want to leave her behind, so just go". i know he is totally fed up with me and probably doesnt love me anymore but i just cant seem to talk to him without him seeming to be having a go at me or making me feel crap and guilty

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgggggggggggggggggggggggg g

i just want to excaPE FROM THIS WAY OF EXISTING and am so scraed of thinking that it may be this way forever with me never feeling properly happy and dh leaving me

wanted to say i am not blaming dh for this, he is just like his dad and has a crappy way with words, not always thinking how they sound

this is not helped by the fact i have a way of always seeing the negative in what people are saying

he helps with dd a lot and i always feel extremely guilty for this and i can sense he is beginning to resent me

Morning, Gingernutlover. Reading your last post, I wonder how much time you have for yourself. Does your dd go to nursery/playgroup? Does you dh have her while you do what you want to do?

Because it is absolutely essential that you have time to yourself - everyone needs that time, every day, just to be yourself.

If I looked after my dc 24hrs every day, I would have been put away a long time ago!

Do you see friends (alone, no children!) or have hobbies etc?

Keep talking to us, it really could help, I sincerely hope it does help.

xx

yes dd goes to nursery while i am at work teaching but it is expensive so obviously she can only go while i am being paid. I work 3 days a week and am at home with dd the other 2 days.

she can still go in half terms etc as i pay all year round so i do get that time but it is mainly spent doing the masses of paperwork from school that i dont get time to do in evenings or weekends in term time

dh will have dd but everytime he does i feel very very guilty as if i shouldn't want that time if you know what i mean, i am unsure if this is because of the way he is towards me or if i just imagione it all because i am down anyway

dh doesnt understand waht it is like to look after a 2 year old from 6.30 am to possibly 6pm completely unaided, because he never does this. I know he works hard but i can see him looking at me and thinking i am selfish

on the days i work i get dd up, drop her at nursery by 7.30 go to work, work through the day, leave work at 5.30 pick her up at 6pm then come home to start settling her for the night i have 20 mins lunch. He gets annoyed if i want us all to eat together as he prefers me to do her somthing at 6 then do us somthing later but i find this so wearing and hard to fit my schoolwork in around 2 different mealtimes so i have been making sure we all eat together more to ease the load

he has taken dd to nursery once in the time she has been there and collected her maybe 3 times bcasue it would mean him having to get to work late or leave early or spend more time in traffic. I used tpo be at work at 7.30 and leave around 6 and now have about an hour less at work everyday to do the same job

i am so exhausted all the time

today was another day that i decided i would be happy today and although i feel ok i am so tired, i am always tired and dont really know why

Hi Gingernutlover. I hope you have made the gp appointment. It sounds like a viscious (sp?) circle, where you are so tired, and then have loads of work to do with your job, and loads of work at home PLUS a lively 2year old. I don't think you ever have chance to recuperate and recharge your batteries.

From reading your first post, it sounds like you are screaming to have time to yourself (eg locking yourself in a cupboard). And you deserve and need it. To ask you dh to look after your dd is your right, and it is your dh responsibility to look after your dd too, not just your job.

You need to find some way of getting across this need to your dh. Any chance of a night out together, nice meal etc, and then discussing how you need time to do things just for YOU.

Practically speaking, do you/could you have a cleaner? To have a clean pleasant house takes a lot of pressure off.

Hope it is a better day today. xx

thanks 2isplenty yes today is better, and yesterday was okay, I am keeping postive

the night out with dh would be a nice thing to do, lots of people who are always offering to baby sit but it just never seems to materialise and dh doesnt seem that interested, for him a night in front of the tv is enough, maybe cos i am such a miserable moo that he doesnt want to come out with me

Hi,i had pn after my first 2 lo's. It lasted 18mths thge first time but i went cold turkey to get pregnant with 2nd lo. I got it again really badly,lots of ads and ended up having therapy. Really helped and i didn't get after lo3 but i had loads of really positive things on,was trying for no4,moving etc so i think i kinda didn't have time. After lo4 i got it mildly and still get black days after 2 years. I think i always will but i now take them a day at a time and remember all the positives and try not to let being down get me more down iyswim. I guess i have had pnd for 10yrs,on and off.