Hello everyone 🤗 New to the group and new to exploring the possibility that I may have OCD along with generalised anxiety. Since I was a child, I have been obsessed with the number four and will at times have to do things four times or I will get uncomfortable. I will even think to myself that if I don't do something 4 times within a quick period then something bad will happen. When I was a child I would have to turn the light off four times in a row or something bad would happen to a loved one.
I obsessively worry about things and build scenarios in my head, I mean for extended periods and feel the need to do so to stop whatever I am worrying about from actually happening (magical thinking in a way). I also have to seek repeated reassurance from people (even people I don't trust) just to feel better but then the excessive worry starts again. I know this can be part of anxiety but seems really excessive. I also can't let go of the past and constantly think of all the bad things that have happened to me.
I mentally check things all the time and replay conversations in case I insulted anyone or they have me. I hate someone touching or moving my stuff but not worried about contamination. I do kind of freak out if someone close to me gets ill though. When I changed my daughter's nappy as a baby I would get intrusive thoughts about hurting her (I have some sexual trauma) and even during it imagined slapping my partner when he was assisting me changing her). I have in the past, held knifes in the kitchen and thought I could kill this person (no intention of doing so), I could jump off this hill and die but no suicide intent. Just very odd thoughts to have.
Is this an indication of OCD or traits?