Feeling like a shadow of former self.

[Hubby2]

Im a 37 year old currently living day to day struggling with my internal thoughts, feeling not right and no one I can talk to so I'm on here...

I am a very positive person and always see the brighter side to people even when others can't. I always put myself second to other people including strangers work colleagues or family. I now just feel very lonely and not enough

However due to recent events my wife a comment which hurt me more deeply obviously because I love her so it really has affected me so much so I'm just questioning life because it hurt her words coming from someone I trusted with my whole heart. We have been married 5years together 15years

But it's changed me completely. Most days I feel numb and I unable to think about any other things in kind of just constant

Hello I didn't want to read and run. I'm feeling very low myself. Is there anything little you can do to comfort yourself tonight? I've been for a run. Still feel suicidal but the sun is shining

Have you spoken to your wife about this comment? Could you have misunderstood what she said (or more to the point, what she meant)? Difficult to advise without any context.

If you're in the UK you can always speak to the Samaritans on 116 123 or contact https://andysmanclub.co.uk/

Sorry for getting back so late, just been trying to deal with stuff. Fingers crossed your ok. Most days feel don't know any other way to describe than numb or disconnected however I do also enjoy fitness even when times are hard and I struggle to feel joy or see light but being outside helps me. Restarting exercise is helping. Thank you for your message keep strong :)

That is certainly what she is trying to tell me now however. It's just the words she chose at that moment in time and how she said it really made me feel worthless.

We talked about it and I got to told she meant something else but hearing her say that to me for the first time ever changed me so much so I had to go to the doctors 3 times to seek the counselling which I never had before but I recognised myself I was struggling. Still have to wait at least 4-5months, on waiting list.

However she told me she thought I didnt a doctor. The thing is a lot of the time I know maybe we don't always see eye to eye but I feel she could respect me a bit more by listening.

Usually what she has to say is more important even though it supposed to be 50/50 my voice usually gets drowned out. Believe me I'm used to it now, it happens everywhere home, work, school when I went there some time ago now.

The point is iv never really been properly heard or valued so probably won't start now, I will always put myself second. Maybe I need to look at myself in that regard.

Anyway it was a comment she made when we were being intimate and for someone that you love to say something hurtful just put me in a bad place which I never been to before.

I really appreciate your input and thank you for taking your time to help me figure this out, you really don't know how much it means but being heard is a start, thank you for listening :)
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I have tried Samaritans once before never again, I felt worse after the call because most of it was just silence, just letting me talk but not comforting or reassuring me in anyway. I know they can't get personally involved but how I felt at the time like I was talking to a robot you know like automatic response.

The point is iv never really been properly heard or valued so probably won't start now, I will always put myself second. Maybe I need to look at myself in that regard.

Yes, you do.

The thing about what other people say is that we can either accept it as truth – even though we are the only experts on ourselves and they are amateurs at knowing our thoughts (that works both ways, by the way) – or we can get curious about the reasons behind the words. Maybe it's to cover a failing they see in themselves. Maybe it's a barb as a retort to something you said that hurt them that has nothing to do with the present discussion. But assuming her words are true is not a good starting point.

Wow I love your positivity, that certainly brought a smile to my face reading it. Your quite someone, honestly it makes a difference to me and how you see things is certainly refreshing.

Your really sweet, your words will fill me up and I will have a good day. This is just the start of my journey but you have played such a pivotal role today, I can't thank you enough.
Your amazing 😀 ❤️