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Original poster

I think I am going mad, can't cope anymore

36 replies

rosyrabbit · 31/05/2008 23:10

Is there many of you out there that feel like this?

I have been for a while now. I am usually very strong but I now feel that I am falling apart.

DD is 10months old and has always been hard work. I am now getting fed up of her being so demanding. I really need to get away from her more.

I also feel it is time to stop breastfeeding and do some type of sleep training. But I know it will stress me out more and I have not got the energy or patience at the mo.. I feel like a failure.

I have recently started having panic attacks and crying for no reason. It is making me feel weak and useless.

I have worked from a very young age and I am now starting to find it hard to be home alot with a clingy baby (even tho I love her so much).

DP knows how I feel and is trying to be supportive. He keeps saying I need time out for myself but he is always busy with work and is lazy tired when at home.

I really don't know how to get back on top of things. This feeling has been comming and going for awhile now. I really want to get over this and not let this crazy feeling take over my life..

OP posts:
harpomarx · 31/05/2008 23:12

rosyrabbit

do you have friends with babies of a similar age?

Original poster
rosyrabbit · 31/05/2008 23:17

No, i havn't really got many friends anymore as all the friends I had before dd was born are single and have no babies.

I have got one friend that has just had a baby but don't see much of her.

I have just joint the NCT but have not been to a meeting yet, I think it might be quite cringy but know i should do it really.

OP posts:
Dalrymps · 31/05/2008 23:20

I know how you feel, hav efelt like this on and off myslef. Seem to be a bit more on top of it at the moment but when i feel down it seems to come out of nowhere. Maybe your dp wants to help but needs some insructions, men are like that, give him the lo and say, 'i'm off for a bath/to read a book/going shopping/on the internet' etc, whatever you do to relax.
I think you maybe sound a little depressed or a least a bit down, usually I find depression is linked to feeling out of control but when you feel donw you don't feel able to be in control as you lack the motivation so it gets worse.
It wouldn't do any harm to speak to a gp about your feelings, they might be able to suggest something that can help.
It is very demanding looking after the lo, especially bfing, I gave up bf at 5 months due to problems but I found it very draining having to physically give so much of myself on a regular basis, also the responsibility of being lo's main source of nurishment can wear you down too.
I find I have felt a lot better lately from getting a little excercise, not too much, just making sure I get out for a walk with ds most days, every day if I can, it definately lifts my mood.
Sorry, i'm just babbling quite a lot, hope some of that helps... (((hugs)))

Dalrymps · 31/05/2008 23:22

sorry about all the typos in that post!

harpomarx · 31/05/2008 23:23

what about mother and baby groups?

are you in a surestart area? they usually run loads of free stuff, including groups for breastfeeding mums. Otherwise try your health visitor or kids' library for info.

I don't think it's cringy meeting up with people who are going through the same stuff as you, it's how I made some really good friends. It's also a hell of a lot easier to cope with babies when you realise you're not the only one going through everything.

harpomarx · 31/05/2008 23:24

I would have been really bored and stressed if I hadn't had other mums to meet up with when dd was little - do try and find some!

Original poster
rosyrabbit · 31/05/2008 23:27

Dalrymps - Thanks for the advice, its nice to know i'm not the only one.

I was going to the gym before so perhaps that will help if I start going again..

Been to the doctors who put me in touch with a councellor. I have seen her twice and I feel it is a very slow process. And when I feel down out of the blue it seems nothing can help..

OP posts:
Dalrymps · 31/05/2008 23:28

Oh by the way, a friend of mine had panick attacks for a while and she found hypnotherapy helped, just a thought.

Dalrymps · 31/05/2008 23:31

I know exactly what you mean, when I felt down the other week I just almost felt numb most of the time... It's good that you're in touch with a councellor, at least you're making progress even if it's slow.
Definatley a good idea to do some excercise, there was a doc on tv the other day who said that people with depression can really be helped by it and some find they improve with excercise alone rather than medication. Advice was to do a bit every day.

Original poster
rosyrabbit · 31/05/2008 23:33

Not sure about surestart, will look on line to check it out.

No the cringy bit is going to the groups for the first time, as I feel everyone will know each other and I will be the "new 1". I am not usually this unconfident, I really don't know what is going on with me..

Also the mums in my area seem older then me (not that I have a problem with talking to older mums), I am 23 and when I meet other mums in the area they just make me feel so young. I know it sounds really stupid. So I just feel like a kid..

OP posts:
Dalrymps · 31/05/2008 23:34

Read this - it's kind of how I feel sometimes, it might help, scroll to the start .

Dalrymps · 31/05/2008 23:36

By the way, going to the groups might feel a bit cringy but I bet you anything you'll feel better just for making contact with other mums, like on here, it really does remind you you're not alone, worth a try.

Desiderata · 31/05/2008 23:37

Poor old rosy.

You're not falling apart, and you're not going to. It's tough, and we've all been there, so we understand totally.

You have to gird your loins, kid. You'll have good days and bad days and indifferent days. Don't aspire to be the perfect mother, because there's no such thing.

If you go back to work now, I think you'll feel worse. I'm just getting this from our OP. You'll feel like a failure (even though you won't be, in any practical sense).

In a few months time, DD will be emptying all the cupboards, strewing crap all over the floor, and generally being even more wonderfully irritating than she is now. Take her out in the pram more, go out more, and don't be intimidated by the small person.

It won't last forever, and always remember that from 0 to 7 are crucial in the development of the adult. You raise your game now, and you can pat yourself on the back later, when you can get sleep ...

Original poster
rosyrabbit · 31/05/2008 23:37

I would try hypnotherapy if nothing else works after a while. As it might be expensive so try the cheaper options first.

I think I really do need to have friends with babies and get more exercise, I feel both would help.

But I have started feeling like I don't want to go anywhere as dd is such hard work, she wont stay in the pram so I have to carry her everywhere and I have got a bad back which is made worse by carrying her..

So I give in and stay home as she prefers to be home alot...

OP posts:
harpomarx · 31/05/2008 23:39

have never found age to be an issue with new mums - I have a bunch of friends aged between early 20s to 40 odd. We all get on and the youngest mum is probably also one of the coolest with her kids. You'll find older mums are feeling all shaky for different reasons to you!

Sounds like you are feeling insecure but take a deep breath and try some groups out. If the Nct thing is not for you then no big deal, you can make friends all over the place. Other new mums are probably desperate to make friends too and it's perfectly ok to swap numbers with someone that you chat with in a library or cafe.

Original poster
rosyrabbit · 31/05/2008 23:40

and don't be intimidated by the small person

Thanks your post made me laugh..

OP posts:
Dalrymps · 31/05/2008 23:43

That must be difficult having to carry her everywhere, could you maybe swap the pram for one she 'chooses' or something so she's excited about going in it? Probably easier said than done though and might not even work, just hinking out loud here...
Maybe you could go to the baby groups, make some friends and then invite them to yours so you get company without having to carry lo anywhere?

Desiderata · 31/05/2008 23:44

Good!

My mum was the same age as you when she had me. It is a drag, a wonderful drag .. but as a young mum, don't lose sight of the fact that you'll still be young and attractive when dd is out for the night on her own!!

Dalrymps · 31/05/2008 23:45

Sorry, got to go to bed now, hope you feel a bit better for chatting about it, glad desiderata made you chuckle. Will be around tomorrow, night

Original poster
rosyrabbit · 31/05/2008 23:47

If I let her choose what she wants she will still only be happy for a few mins (she is 10months).

I do drive so can drive places, its just if I want to go out for walks or shopping I have to carry her..

I will make an effort to go to some groups tho as it is great to have the support from people in the same situation, MN is a great help..

OP posts:
Original poster
rosyrabbit · 31/05/2008 23:48

Dalrymps - Thanks for the advice just trying to read your post at the mo...

OP posts:
harpomarx · 31/05/2008 23:49

good advice from desiderata

why do you say she won't stay in the pram? does she cry?

Original poster
rosyrabbit · 31/05/2008 23:54

Yes she cries then goes crazy screaming and I know this sounds so weak but half the time I take her out as I cannot stand her crying, it makes me go crazy, I feel like crying or screaming myself..

Or again sounds weak people look at me like I am being mean, even tho I know dd is being spoilt I take her out as people are staring...

OP posts:
Desiderata · 31/05/2008 23:59

You have a bad back at 23. Is it possible that she does, too?

Maybe sitting in the pram hurts her spine. Have you thought of going to a cranial osteopath?

A session is usually about £25, but the benefits can be enormous.

harpomarx · 01/06/2008 00:01

rosy, it's not weak to take your baby out of the pram if she is crying, nor is she being spoilt!

I couldn't stand dd crying in the pram either, I totally understand why you would take her out, can't stand to see babies being pushed around crying!

I was lucky that dd mostly loved being in the pram but I did also use a sling this one is great for carrying them on your hip - I used it from about 8 or 9 months till she was over 2.