So burned out—ADHD?

[Twocrazycats]

I’m a 39 year old woman and I’ve always suffered from anxiety and some depressive episodes. I’ve been wondering for a while if it could be related to undiagnosed ADD. I didn’t consider it seriously before because I used to have a good capacity to focus on something for long periods of time, but since learning about hyperfocus I’m not sot sure. So here’s a list of my symptoms/issues:

-As a child, I always felt too messy and disorganized. My first memory of being overwhelmed by procrastination was when I was 4 or 5, and I was supposed some sort of activity notebook during the summer (looking back, it was probably optional but I thought it was mandatory.) I just couldn’t do it and felt absolute dread thinking about going back to school because of it.

-I had lots of trouble remembering exams, due dates, assignments, etc. I remember feeling great stress about missed assignments, forgotten deadlines and so on. In primary I got good results because I was relatively bright, but in secondary I began to struggle more and felt like a fraud. I knew what I had to do but just couldn’t bring myself to do it

-In secondary multiple times I had to ask a friend to let me photocopy some pages of the text book to be able to prepare for the the next day exam, because I’d forgotten mine at school. .

• I have always struggled with being organized at home, I just create a mess without even noticing and then feel absolutely overwhelmed and don’t know how to start organizing. This has happened since childhood, I remember crying over the toys just spread on the floor and being unable to put them back to their places. When I was doing my PhD I shared the office with a super organized friend. Years later she confessed she used to organize my desk when I left…I hadn’t even noticed.
• I have always had a tendency to forget things, such as keys, wallet…this has improved a bit though
• I also struggle a lot with being on time. I try really hard, but somehow always end up being late or rushing a lot.
• It’s very difficult for me to make decisions, even “easy” ones such as which microwave to buy. I end up doing research for hours (and then feeling crap about it)
• I was unable to attend lectures, I just became very agitated and needed to leave. I studied at home and did great on exams, but at my own pace.
• I struggle with finishing things, am great at starting new projects but finishing them not so much. Doing things like reviewing a manuscript (I work in academia) or double checking things take me a long time and I always feel like crying while doing them.
• -I just can’t create habits, I don’t stick to them no matter how hard I try. Exercise, meditation, journaling and planning…they just stop working after a few weeks (because I don’t keep up with them)
• I have coped so far more or less ok, although I have always felt like a fraud or less competent for life than my peers, but in the last few years (especially since I became a mom, my child is 5) I am really struggling. I feel overwhelmed most of the time, unable to think clearly or make any more decisions, I just can’t. I think I’m also a bit burnt out due to a stressful period at work and home, but still…

I have been on therapy multiple times due to anxiety and am currently on therapy again, which helps to an extent, but I feel like there’s something broken in me and I’ll never be able to function like a normal person without huge effort. Not sure if pursuing a diagnosis would help somehow, and I would love to hear your thoughts if have had similar experiences

I also apologize for my English, it’s not my first language, and for the long post!

You could be me and I have been wondering exactly the same things, I only began to think about it as a possibility when a colleague had been diagnosed as an adult and through conversation as she related what had made her look into it I felt like she was describing me exactly. Brain fog and menopause have worsened this a million times over.

I can tick every one of your bullet points and the fact that therapy hasn't really every helped me despite trying endless variations over the decades.

I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD earlier this year, at the age of 52.

I would recommend trying Right to Choose, the waiting lists are much shorter than the NHS (that's obviously if you are in the UK).

I can relate to a lot of what you've written and I am diagnosed with ADHD. It was a few years ago and I think I was around the age you are now, although I'd already been looking into being assessed for a couple of years by then. ADHD medication was the first medication that actually helped with anxiety rather than making things worse (I had tried a few different anti-depressants and anti-psychotics when younger.) So I think it's definitely worth pursuing an assessment. It really helps with understanding yourself and not feeling shame about not being able to do things that other people do without even having to think about it. To be honest some of the shame has snuck back in but at the time it helped a lot. Good luck! (Your English is perfect!)

Thank you so much for your responses! I see that my symptoms make at least worth looking into it…
@flippityflip I am entering now peri and don’t know if it’s related but brain fog has really become an issue lately 😔 sorry to hear you’re going through something similar.
@BorntoDillyDally I’m not in UK but I’ll probably seek a private assessment due to long waiting times here. Has your diagnosis helped you?
@orbital12 omg, getting rid of anxiety would be a dream. I haven’t felt relaxed since I was a (very young) child, and I am just so tired 😔

I asked a therapist (psychologist )a few years ago if I should pursue a diagnosis, but was told that being an adult it wouldn’t make any difference, since the only treatment would be teaching me organization strategies and things like that. Maybe medication would be a different story.

My adult son was diagnosed a few years ago with inattentive adhd, and would tick 90% of the things you list. Good luck if you go for an assessment.

My diagnosis has helped me to be a little more gentle on myself. I have always put myself down due to the fact others have always labelled me as being highly strung, too angsty, over sensitive, messy & unorganized etc and I have always seen that as a bad thing but I now tell myself that I can't help it, it's the way I am made and I cut myself a little more slack.

And I totally understand when you say you have never felt relaxed, like ever. I can not recall a time when I felt fully relaxed within my body or mind. I often daydream what it must be like to feel totally laid back - how wonderful that would be.

It doesnt sound like ADHD to me, it just sounds like anxiety, and perhaps a bad memory. Anxiety and forgetfulness run together, ones mind becomes over loaded.

Hi! Just a quick update ☺️ I finally found a psychiatrist who specialises in adult ADHD and had an assessment last week. Turns out I’ve got ADHD, combined type

We also talked about meds, and since he said they’re usually pretty effective, I decided to give them a go. I’m on day 3 of Concerta now and not totally sure it’s for me yet. Day 1 was fine — hardly any side effects, and I actually felt a bit more emotionally steady (though I didn’t have to work that day). Day 2 was rough though: super stressful day at work with stuff that could affect me, and I nearly had a panic attack. No idea if that was just the situation or if the meds played into it. I guess I’ll just have to keep taking them for a couple of weeks and see how things go once the work stress calms down a bit. Today (3rd day) was much better but still felt anxious and jittery…we’ll see.

again, thank you so much for your responses, you really helped me to finally decide to seek help!

I've felt like you before and wondered but i forgot to return the nhs forms (twice) - probably a diagnosis in itself. How did you go from wondering about it in August to being diagnosed and having medication in September? Was it easy to find a psychiatrist? Was it expensive? Sorry for questions im just amazed at how quick it was given I've been wondering about this since 2019 🙈

I went private, as it’s almost impossible to get an appointment through the Public Health Service. I found a clinic specialising in ADHD and asked for information. I was lucky that a slot became available just a week later — normally the waiting time would have been around three weeks. They also offered medication straight after the assessment, so the process was quite quick.

I’m still trying to process it all, have read a couple of books…I really hope the meds help, but, for some reason, don’t have a lot of hope. If I’m totally honest I’m kind of grieving somehow? I don’t know, in some way I expected to be told that my problems were more due to lack of willpower and that someday I’d overcome them. I’m both relieved at knowing it’s not my “fault”, so to speak, and sad that it’s not my “fault” as well (and solvable with more discipline). Not sure if this makes any sense

Sorry, edited: forgot to add that it was the standard fee for private psychiatry here. I just paid for the required sessions at the usual price (I’m not in the UK, so it might be different there).