I am having a crisis with my mental health. I’ve tried to call the ‘crisis team’ and I was holding for an hour and 45 minutes and got to number 23 and the line cut off. I am so tired.
I'm on a plethora of medication for my issues, but basically the last 3 weeks I have not left my bed. I can’t. I can just about make it to the bathroom but aside from that i am back in bed. I have nothing left in me. This is THREE DECADES of shit. 30 years of missed life. 30 years of hell. I have depression, GAD, PTSD, BPD and severe agoraphobia. I recently saw a psychiatrist who said ‘yeah, you’re fine’ - REALLY!? Jeez!
I am struggling with loneliness, no friends, I am doing it tough with my son who talks to me like I am a piece of shit. It’s like asking him where’s he off to and what time he thinks he’ll be back is the WORST thing in the world (backstory of that is he has tried to CS several times so I like to feel comfortable when he leaves the house and I really don’t think asking those 2 things are crossing any boundaries when he’s living in my house).
I am up to my eyeballs in debt. I can’t see a way out of that. Mounting bills. Increasing bills. A very very basic food shop with zero extras is coming to 90 and I genuinely don’t have that money. I put back things like milk, coffee, clothes liquid, shampoo… I just can’t afford to live.
After 30 years, when do I say ‘this is enough’? I’ve been through therapy countless occasions.
Family just tell me to get out of bed and do something - I wish I could. I just want to sleep. I don’t want to have the days. They bring too much sadness.
I am at a loss. I am all alone with no support from anyone who understands and I don’t want to join any Facebook group because I don’t feel they’re beneficial for me…. On top of all that I have had 24/7 tinnitus since 2007 that is driving me insane. Couldn’t get help for that either … gotta live with it. Oh, and I have a permanent headache. Every single fucking day.
just ranting really because I couldn’t get through to the crisis team.