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Mental health

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Original poster

Struggling and not good enough.

50 replies

MistressMary · 19/01/2005 23:02

Hiya, first and hopefully not a too common occurance under this topic, for me.
The title says it all really and it's getting me down.
Everyday is the same,nobody to talk too, my partner is self employed and works daft hours all the time.
My boy is good except he does not sleep a lot and he is still awake now after what 4 hours CC, rubbing back, etc. etc. I don't get rest during the day as he sleeps an hour at the tops.
I get very tired and my eating is poor too.
The more I try to get my act together the more difficult it is to actually achieve anything.
I feel a poor mother and letting my son down somehow, even the birth was a struggle and am currently waiting for my birth notes to read and chat to someone about my experience.
I know I have nothing to maon about really compared to some folk and I feel bad for even posting this. However something is wrong for me to feel like this and it needs correcting, it's eating me up too much to let it go untreated.

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Original poster

MistressMary · 25/01/2005 22:27

AND I'M LONELY!

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Original poster

MistressMary · 26/01/2005 09:20

Sorry do I frighten people off or something.
Perhaps thats where I'm going wrong.

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jangly · 26/01/2005 19:01

You don't frighten people off MistressMary! I think its just that posts go off Active Convs so quickly they don't get picked up on. Hope you're feeling better this evening!

doggiewalker · 26/01/2005 19:04

{{{hugs}}} MM hope you're feeling a bit better soon.

Original poster

MistressMary · 26/01/2005 20:11

Well getting hopelessly addicted to mumsnet and I apologise for feeling sorry for myself.
Hopefully will make some online friends here though.

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marj · 26/01/2005 20:40

I have only just picked up on this thread and I just wanted to say that I understand fully how you feel.
My ds is 20 months now but I can honestly say I still have the odd day where I get those depressive feelings back. (Not saying this to make you feel worse.)
I went through exactly what you are describing, felt like I couldnt cope with ds - even though deep down I knew I could.
I felt isolated and lonely as I was suddenly at home on my own all day after working full time since college. I was lucky it was summer so I used to go out walking miles every day just so I didnt have to stare at the four walls. I know you may not be able to do this due to the weather, but I really found the fresh air lifted my mood.
I honestly felt like I had a black cloud hanging over me constantly but I wanted to tell you that it does get better. I had vit b6 and magnesium too and it really did help me.
I think the feelings worsen in the evenings because you know what you are in for and you are already tired. I did cc with my ds and it was hell, but it worked and we have never looked back since.
Sorry to go on, hope this helps. Look after yourself.

Original poster

MistressMary · 27/01/2005 09:24

Thanks marj, I feel like I want to live and not merely exist, if you know what I mean.
Most days sort of merge into one another.
I try to get out and go for a walk with little one, but today is drizzly/ miserable and I have no inclination to go anywhere.
It's a kind of numb feeling.
Partner was gone again at 3 this am and prolly won't be back til 8 tonight.
So another day here at home.

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jangly · 27/01/2005 09:37

MistressMary - I know what you mean about the weather today! But if you can make yourself wrap up and get out for a little while, you will feel loads better for it when you get back! Have you got shops near enough to walk to? Just being around other people for a while can cheer you up. Hope you have a good day today.

marj · 27/01/2005 20:55

Hi MistressMary. I hope you have had an ok day today. I remember like yesterday the feelings of just not being bothered with anything.
Please hang in there as I promise it really really will get better, it just takes a while.
When you go to mother and baby groups have you made any friends you could meet up with? They were a godsend for me, and even when I really felt that I couldnt be bothered to go out I had to, as had made arrangements to meet someone else too and didnt want to let them down. Even if you have a friend over your house for coffee its a bit of adult conversation that you are probably really missing.
Good Luck. Hope you are doing ok.

Original poster

MistressMary · 27/01/2005 21:21

Hello, just hopefully settling his littleness to sleep, done the routine, bedtime story,etc..
Now just crying on and off, hopefully he will drop off soon!
My partner is asleep on the couch, he is knackered.
Got mums group tomorrow am, I have a friend I go with,and talk to one or two other mums too.
It's my highlight of the week and our boys too.

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marj · 27/01/2005 21:28

Hope he settles soon and you get a good nights sleep. That always made things ten times worse for me if I had been up loads in the night. It was always me who got up as ds would scream if dh went in to him.
Have a good time tomorrow.

Original poster

MistressMary · 27/01/2005 21:43

I can rest now, he is asleep!
Nice hot mug of tea and a light hearted thread to start maybe.
Thanks Marj.

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marj · 30/01/2005 11:13

Hi MM. How have you been? Hope things have been a bit better for you over the last couple of days. How is the cc going? I hope you have seen some improvement!
Take care.

Original poster

MistressMary · 30/01/2005 15:43

Yes, getting back to a routine with the sleep hopefully, he knows once he goes in his cot thats it fo the night. That's to my parnter, BTW.
My Ds is also picking the routine up now hopefully she says......

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marj · 30/01/2005 21:47

Glad things seem a little better for you! The cc thing is really hard to do but is worth it in the end, its just harder if dp is struggling with it.
Look after yourself, I am around if you ever want to chat or just get things off your chest!
Take care.

vict17 · 30/01/2005 21:51

Sorry to interrrupt this thread but how much magnesium and B6 do you guys take? Is it in one tablet or 2 separate ones? Thanks

marj · 30/01/2005 22:09

I dont take the magnesium anymore, but its a yellow tablet and I think it was called magnesium ok. You can get those in boots.
I take big doses of b vitamins. I get mine from holland and barrett and they are called B100 vitamin b complex. The b6 in them is 100mg but they also contain b1, b2 etc. They work for me!

Original poster

MistressMary · 30/01/2005 23:29

Ah cheers folks!
Yes getting the husband trained is more of a challenge to say at least!

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Original poster

MistressMary · 01/02/2005 18:26

We have teething this afternoon and being whingy and whiney, chucked two lots of food away as refused it and ended up having weetabix and petit filous instead.
Hubby home at 9ish tonight and am cooking too, actually feel like curling up in a ball right now.
But then I'm due on in a few days time so maybe its the PMT feeling exasperating the situation.
And it was fine for a day or two too.
Ups and downs then for a few days I spose.

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marj · 01/02/2005 22:18

How was your dinner? Did ds go to bed for you to eat in peace!
You will get good and bad days, but eventually the good far outweighs the bad. I still get rough days now. Today has been horrible, just felt really down and miserable and wanting to cry all the time.
I havent had a day like this for many weeks or maybe even months now. I am sure pmt does have a lot to answer for! Am feeling much better this evening though.
Glad you have had a good couple of days at least. Hope tomorrow is better.
Look after yourself.

marj · 01/02/2005 22:20

Meant to say, when ds is teething he gets really miserable. Doesnt normally put him off his food though, he eats like a horse most of the time!
Do you give him anything like calpol? I give my ds the nurofen syrup from the chemist. Works really well for him and helps to settle him at night too when his gums are playing up.

Original poster

MistressMary · 01/02/2005 22:28

I try to be sparing with the calpol, I like the ashton and parsons and chamomilla powders too.
Oh stopped off and got fish and chips tonight, not up to cooking.
Tomorrow another day.

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marj · 01/02/2005 22:41

My ds likes the chamomilla powders too. They do seem to help.
I could really do with some fish and chips now you mention them! Havent been to the chippy for ages.
Hope tomorrow is ok, just take every day as it comes. Cliched I know but it is the only way to get through it. I am hoping the weather is ok so I can take ds for a long walk in the buggy, havent done that for ages due to rubbish winter weather!

ionesmum · 01/02/2005 23:06

Hello, mistressmary, I just want to say that I think you are doing a grand job. I can really relate to you as I had a smiliar experience with dd1 (surprise package, bad birth, loved her to bits, lots of crying, no 'me' time') and I want to assure you that it does get better. And we have dd2 now and the whole experience is soooo different.

Original poster

MistressMary · 18/02/2005 11:44

Well just rang the docs and have an appointment, on the 17th march. Nearest one to see my own doc.
And still no word on those borth notes, the HV ringing again today.
Trying to join up with lots of things to keep my mind turning negative.
My boy teething again , big teeth?
So feeding time is a bit stressy for me.
Will get there in the end as you all say, thanks.

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