Anxiety and nerves with driving

[Anxiousgirl9619]

I passed my test 1 year ago and have only really been driving to work and local supermarkets as my partner does all the long drives as he enjoys driving.

When I know I have to drive somewhere that isn't my usual route I worry and stress about it. For example today, I went to the dentist in an area I don't drive around often and on the way home I had to come to a round about. I went around in the left lane and exited in the 3rd exit. As soon as I was almost at the 3rd exit I knew I made the mistake. Thankfully there was no one else on the roundabout so I didn't confuse or worry anyone. I havent stopped thinking about it since.

I recently was diagnosed OCD which makes these worrying thoughts worse and more compulsive (checking dash cams, maps etc).

I know I need to practice roundabouts more but any advice for someone who struggles with anxiety and has OCD?

Practice more – if necessary have some more lessons to focus on roundabouts and driving in unfamiliar places. Remember it's natural to be nervous about things you are not used to doing. First day at school, first job, first date, first time driving alone...

You might benefit from using a sat nav. The kind that shows the lanes, so you will be more confident that you are in the right one.
People make mistakes driving all the time. Wrong lane, not indicating, etc. My advice for what it's worth is to keep a good distance from the car in front. A lot of people drive far too close these days, then have no patience if the car in front brakes or changes lanes.

You need to do it more. Like anything else, it's easier the more you do it.

I also had a DH who did most of the driving. It was never a concious thing. He liked driving, I didn't particularly, so I let him crack on.

Then he died during lockdown. I well remember being genuinely terrified the first time I went on a motorway afterwards. Not helped by the fact we hadn't really been anywhere for a year and I was out of practice.

4 years on, I regularly take myself off on trips of 100 miles + without a care in the world, just because I had no alternative but to do it myself, so I got on with it and gained confidence.

If I had daughters I'd definitely be telling them never to let their DHs become default drivers. If I'd been old when he died, I suspect I might never have conquered it.

@Primespace sorry to hear about your loss. I'm happy to hear you now have the confidence to take on the road and go wherever you like, I hope to be like that one day.

You are right, I do need more road exposure (especially round abouts/motorway).

I always check out google maps before I make an unfamiliar journey. I use it to check what lanes I’ll need to be in for turns and roundabouts. Then I feel more confident about the journey.

This, check out Google maps also at places that look daunting go on street veiw and it is like you are driving on that road so you can see what it is like in real life.

@Iloveeverycat@GingerPaste I usually do this, just today I messed up and now I can't stop worrying about it 🤦🏻‍♀️ like in my head I know what lane I should be in but in the moment I chose the wrong one 😞

I would honestly look at CBT or similar alongside practice. I have OCD tendencies and I’ve never managed to get over my fear of driving and of making mistakes. I’m nervous every time I drive and I hate it, it’s been over 15 years since I passed my test! I’m starting CBT soon and this is something I will be working on

Honestly, it doesn't matter. Nothing bad happened and next time you use that roundabout, you'll know.

People go a bit wrong all the time in unfamiliar places on unfamiliar roads. I know I do. And I have been hooted at once or twice, but we should all try to be a little more patient with each other.

More than once I've had to go twice round a roundabout because I've missed an exit - so what, no-one got hurt.

The most hideous roundabout I ever did was the Hanger Lane giratory. Omg. Went wrong, nearly missed my exit, it was awful. So next time I had to do it, I looked it up on Google Street view and saw which lane to get into.

Don't be put off - you did well - got off the roundabout with no-one hooting at you!!

My driving anxiety disappeared since being on Sertraline. I now enjoy driving on the motorway!

Awwww, try not to worry about it. I’m often in the wrong lane. So long as you’ve negotiated it ok you’ve succeeded.

@MidLifeWoman I've actually just been prescribed Sertraline and I've noticed a huge improvement in the past 5 weeks or so. It doesn't help these sort of moments for me unfortunately 😔

I do agree with others about more practice and using a satnav. You‘ve got this!

It took me 4 years after I'd passed to go on a motorway, going down slip roads terrified me. But the more I go, the stress gets a little less. Don't get me wrong, I'm still not a huge motorway fan, due to watching other drivers terrible driving. But I can deal so with it so much better now. Luckily my husband was a lorry driver and loves driving so he does a lot of the longer drives, big motorways etc.
We're currently down in Cornwall and I've driven every day and loved it. Although I've never drove down here before. But remember a lot of the roads from our 2 yearly trips down here as a youngster. I think if your uncomfortable in places etc. get someone who you feel comfortable being in the car with and get them come with you. Preferably another driver who is also able to drive if it gets to much for you. Good luck OP I know how hard/scary it can be when your uncomfortable doing something.

I only started driving two years ago at the age of 43 due to my anxiety around it (best thing I’ve ever done!!). But like you, any new journeys had me extremely anxious and in a pool of sweat, and any mistakes I made I would beat myself up for it for ages. The only thing that started to ease this was just lots of driving, and driving to places I hadn’t been before which boosted my confidence no end. This was greatly aided by splitting up with my husband, as he used to do the long drives etc so I just had to get on with it myself, and my car actually became my lifeline and sanctuary! (Not advocating a marriage split 🤣). Don’t get me wrong, I still get a bit antsy driving to completely new places, but now I know I can do it and I just try to enjoy it! Yesterday I ran a red light in an unfamiliar area, mistakes do happen 🙈😳 (thankfully there was no-one around)

Ive only been driving a few years I passed in my late 30's, in my 20's I was in a car accident that nearly killed everyone involved and I had PTSD from it. I hated driving when I first started well until fairly recently really. I used to have intrusive thoughts while driving, like you I really punished myself for every minor mistake and it made me ill.

I have to drive for work but only fairly short distances. I've found the only thing that helped me was driving more. Realising others make mistakes while driving helped me a lot, I've seen somes stupid people on the road and it helps me think bloody hell I'm not that bad a driver. It's ok to take the wrong the exit on a round about occasionally as long as you do it safely it happens, Google maps before each journey helped me massively in the first couple of years but now I don't really use it. I've even started going short distances on the motorway now only at quieter times of the day. It's a hard but I've found for me the only thing that works is desensitising myself. I'm still not great with others in the car but again I'm trying to desentise myself. It's gets easier with practice I promise. Take yourself out alone on some short drives to areas you aren't overly familiar with just 20 mins a day it will help.

What you did by mistake other drivers do on purpose because they're idiots when you make a mistake just learn from it and tell yourself you now won't do that again.

I am a chap , come on how can a lovely lady give up , drive a little at a time , some of us who have had ocd for um 55 years get used to it , please don't let it beat you , how many lanes on the round about if 2 what's wrong with the left hand lane , at least people are behind you and should take notice of the driver in front ,left lane is safe anyway at least boy racers in there BMW cam over take you safely , come on don't give up

Unless this roundabout had about 7 exits you Def shouldnt be in the left lane to take the 3rd exit. A rule my instructor gave me as a general rule unless lanes state otherwise, is if the turning is 12 o clock or before then left lane, after 12 o clock right lane. You could try using Google it does show what lane to be in, it's not always correct but will help most of the time.

But the only way you will get used to it is practice.

My mum hates driving unknown places and motorways always has and at 61 I don't think she will change now but she never practiced motorways to get used to it.

I have been just like this. You need to force yourself to drive a little every day…say 15 mins a day.
I would say ‘right this week I’m gonna tackle roundabouts and do roundabouts daily for a week’ Then week after say ‘right this week I’m
gonna do a slip road every day’ You only need a short drive daily and your brain will get used to doing it. I also found it helpful to
watch the YouTube channel ‘clear-driving’ and ‘conquer driving’ these are real life driving tips and lessons from an instructor with great tips. Really really helped me. I would
watch one video a day, they are also on Instagram. It helps jog your memory of driving rules and what to do in different scenarios. X

I’m exactly the same. I beat myself up about any mistakes, and ruminate on them for days. The thing I try to remember is that millions of people make these mistakes every day, I’m far from the only one. And experienced drivers no less! Not to mention the people who deliberately take the wrong lane on the roundabout to get ahead. You’re still a new driver, give yourself a break.