I can’t sleep…this time brought on by my ‘friends’ all getting together without me. I’ve seen photos all over social media and to top it off one of them lives with a garden backing on to mine and I can hear everyone having drinks.
I’m sure I have rejection sensitive dysphoria and feel suicidal from it almost every day. I wouldn’t do anything though because my children need me - which is even worse because I have to live with my broken body and mind for the rest of my life.
The RSD made me realise in the last year that I’m autistic (after also realising my child is!) and probably have ADHD as well. My GP said I wouldn’t be able to have meds for ADHD anyway because they can’t be taken with my heart condition. I’m too embarrassed to say out loud to my husband or family that I think I’m neurodiverse. I’ve only told one good friend when I was at breaking point. I don’t know why I’m so ashamed to say it out loud, I just can’t get the words out. People must know, my boss calls me autistic as a joke…
I also have to manage 2 chronic illnesses and feel like I’m constantly fighting for / chasing up / attending appointments. I had to give my dream role at my job because of my health and go part time. I have chronic fatigue because of my health conditions and every single thing I do is a battle. My limbs feel like lead and it’s such an effort to do anything.
i apologise for my ramblings, im hoping it might allow me to sleep. I really need help but it seems hard to get. I’ve had CBT but didn’t feel any benefit. I feel like there is so much going on I need someone to talk it through with longer term, I can’t do it in 8 sessions or whatever.