Body dysmorphia?

[namechangex1]

Hi. Name change as might be outing and I haven’t spoken to anyone about how I feel.

im suffering with what I think is body dysmorphia when I google how I’m feeling this is what’s coming up.

im really really struggling and it is taking over my life. I fixate on small things and think I’m a big fat ugly whale, I avoid the mirror at all costs. I really panic if people look at me as I think they are noticing my flaws and judging me on them. I cover up all the time and really really try and avoid leaving the house as the thought of having to put an outfit together stresses me out so so much and I have to put on over 10 (no exaggeration) until I just give up and have a meltdown.

its causing a lot of friction in my marriage as I don’t like my husband touching “my fat bits” and I push him away. He’s getting very frustrated as in his words there is nothing of me and absolutely nothing wrong with how I look. But he has to say that right? I am constantly comparing myself to others as well which is so draining 😔

it’s honestly ruining my life and I don’t know where to turn. Does anyone else feel this way?

I think lots (most?) of us have bits of us we don't like and dress to skim over, however it doesn't dominate our lives in the way it does yours.

Can you remember when this started? Finding the root cause, be it in childhood or later in life is the best way of resolving it.

@Eyesopenwideawake Thank you for replying. I honestly can’t pin point when it became such an issue. I’ve always been very insecure about my body but like you say I would just skim over it and get on with it but it’s gradually got worse and worse. I take a blanket in the car to cover the tops of my legs or I’ll panic and always sit with a cushion on my lap on the sofa. It’s sounds absolutely ridiculous when I type it out but it’s making every day so hard, I get so anxious every evening about what to wear that next day. I don’t know maybe I need to speak to a professional.

Yes you need professional help.

Have a look at my AMA – lots of info on there as it's the sort of issue I work with.

@EyesopenwideawakeThank you

This sounds really hard to live with. You must be exhausted by it and you deserve to be free of it. Go to your GP and tell them what yiuve told us. Or print out this thread if you would find it hard to say out loud. Ask to be referred to an expert. Or find a private practitioner who specialises in body dysmorphia, if you can afford it.
Good luck.

I think most of us have thoughts of I don’t like this bit of my body but your thoughts sound completely exaggerated.

The only way to get over this would be to really work on changing your thoughts and learning to love and accept yourself as you are - which is perfect.

There will be self help books on this but counselling and cbt would also be useful.

Thank you. I will look into counselling.

@namechangex1 Go and talk to your GP about all of this - they can refer to a specialist body dysmorphia clinic with therapists and psychiatrists available. You can also discuss low does medication. The clinics are really good so push for that.