Need to offload, advice please?

[CaffeineAndChords]

Evening all, hope you’re ok.
I have suffered with my MH all of my adult life. I have a diagnosis of bipolar type 2 (diagnosed over the phone in lockdown), however my symptoms don’t generally align with this (told by my CMHT) and I was told recently it’s more like chronic depressive disorder, anyway, I feel as though I need to speak to a professional about certain things. My childhood was generally good other than growing up with my mum who had addiction issues and used to make me lie for her, hide things from my dad, almost lost the roof over our heads, generally lots of arguments and what not.
I was then sexually assaulted by my nans male friend when I was 10, and told my nan and she made me swear I’d never tell a soul (she frightened me with the police etc) as he is just being ‘friendly’ (we were in her care for the weekend and I do not talk to her anymore for this reason)

I did finally tell my parents about this when I was about 17/18, and the man had died at this point. It hasn’t bothered me much over the years but when I was younger I was very afraid of men. Recently, I’m dreaming every single night about it/the man who did it. He’s popping up in every dream. I’ve never spoke to a GP etc about this, but also, I’ve spent my life being therapist to my parents with all their issues and, I really think it’s contributed to my poor mental health from time to time. I had to mature very quickly and carry quite a big mental load.

I am not confident, I’m not trusting, my MH has held me back so much. I’m feeling really low at the moment and just keep going back and forth with things that happened years and years ago and blaming myself.
I’d like to speak to my GP about this honestly but, I’m worried there’ll be a backlash. I wouldn’t want anything to come back on my parents regarding my childhood. Does this happen? Only my very close family members and partner know about these things and my parents, obviously.

Would a private counsellor/therapist be a better route?
Sorry, I am aware I’ve rambled here. I don’t want to give my life history but wanted to outline certain things that really stick with me.

If you got this far, thank you. X

I’m really sorry to hear you are struggling - it sounds like you’ve been through a lot. Unfortunately I have no advice x

Hi @CaffeineAndChords I would go back to your GP and ask for a referral to a psychiatrist for a full mental health review/assessment as you got a diagnosis over the phone (explain your history) and explain how you know you have x symptoms which don't match with bipolar 2 symptoms (look at the criteria on NHS or NICE website). Then ask to go through your symptoms with the GP, ask about medication (if you aren't on it already) and also about a referral for any therapy (EMDR. psychodynamic or DBT) if you want it.

I'd definitely get EMDR for the SA trauma (if you can bring all of the above up to your GP, perhaps ask for a female on if you feel more comfortable and/or a double appointment so you don't feel rushed). The GP can do it all for you, if you're specific and give as much ss information and ask specifically for EMDR and DBT therapy - based on what you've said you should get both, ask to be referred for both. I'd go for EMDR first if they say you can't have both and them DBT (perhaps ask your EMDR therapist for a referral to DBT as well if you get them). Book a GP appointment and go through all of this and it should all be fine.

I wouldn't go anywhere near the NHS for this personally. I am still scarred from misdiagnosis and awful mistreatment albeit 20 years ago.
I found a private trauma therapist and have never looked back. But you may be lucky and find someone who knows what PTSD is..