I've posted about how I'm feeling at being pg many times before - I probably have a reputation for being a complete moaner by now! I have a very supportive GP & HV who I have already seen. They know me and have talked it all through. They offered counselling, but I had a bad experience of that and don't want to fail at something right now. Otherwise they've told me to be easy on myself and to take it easy. I'm not good at this, and have pushed myself over the edge at work, so now occupational health are involved too. Everytime I see someone they make me feel better and that I can push on, but then within a day or two I back to square one, or even lower. I am seeing my GP again tomorrow and am scared that I'll get the same old supportive words that make me feel better for 24 hours but really do nothing at all. So my question is, do I say about the disturbing thoughts I've been having? How when it kicks I get an image of shoving my hand in my stomach, grabbing a limb and shaking it? Do I say about how when I was dressing ds and he was having a toddler strop about holding his toy tractor and while flailing he hit the tractor in his mouth by mistake and I just carried on because I felt he deserved it and it was only when dp said "there's blood pouring down his chin" that I stopped? These things really disturb me, and I don't like being like this - I'm usually so in control. But if I say this to my GP or anyone else, will they take my babies away cos I might hurt them?
Sorry, I've just decided that I'm going to change my name because I feel so ashamed. You do know me well, I'm not a troll, and actually I am lacking the inspiration to think up a true disguise name anyway! Please help.