I’m reaching out because I’m feeling really unsure and confused about my relationship, my mental health, and how the two are affecting each other. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in March 2024. I’ve started medication and I’m trying to understand myself better and take steps toward stability.
But my relationship of the past four years has become really difficult, and I’m unsure if what I’m experiencing is just a reflection of my own struggles, or if I’m in a situation that could be considered emotionally abusive.
My previous relationships had ups and downs, but never like this. Since being with my current partner, I’ve felt more triggered and mentally unwell than ever before. I recognize that my symptoms can be hard—like mood changes or “splitting,” where I become distant or shut down—but I’m working on them, and I often ask for space during those times.
What troubles me is how my partner reacts. Instead of giving me space, he escalates the situation: he won’t leave me alone, gets angry, yells, calls me names, gets in my face, throws things, and has punched walls and doors. Once, he even pushed his head into mine, which caused me to hit the wall behind me. These moments leave me feeling scared and on edge.
He often tells me things like “Is it any wonder everyone leaves you?” or “I could never have a child with someone like you.” Last year, when I had an unplanned pregnancy, he said he wouldn’t be able to cope and would leave either 6 months into the pregnancy or after the baby was born. I ended up terminating the pregnancy because I didn’t think I could cope alone, and that still breaks my heart. He’s brought that up in arguments since, blaming me or using it against me.
During arguments, he tells me to “shut the f* up” or says “cry me a river.” He knows I can’t sleep alone, yet he’ll leave the bed deliberately after fights. He also proposed to me once, then took it back later during what he called “a rough patch.” Every time we fight, he tells me to leave because it’s his house.
But then the next day, he apologizes. He tells me he loves me, acts caring, and things feel good again—for a while.
I’m trying to be self-aware and take accountability for my own mental health issues, but I honestly don’t know anymore if I’m the one making things worse, or if this is emotional abuse. The constant back and forth is exhausting, and I don’t know what’s normal or what I should expect or accept in a relationship.
I just want some clarity. I don’t know if I’m overreacting or minimizing things. Any guidance or insight would be really appreciated.
Thank you,