Where can I find my vavavoom?

[Realfunwow]

It's gone, it's disappeared down the alley. I feel so flat and have for maybe 15 years. Each day rolls into one without much happening and I feel flat, lazy and tired. I sit at my desk for 8 hours a day Monday to Friday and occasionally venture out to a face to face meeting where I see one other colleague. At weekends I clean, shop and cook. My partner stays in bed for long periods of time (he's been unemployed for a few years) and is frequently moody and irritable. Recently he said there was nothing to get up for, so stayed in bed for 4 days. He's done this before as he's rarely had a job in 21 years. In 2023 I had a trip to London where I stayed with a friend (all the people I used to know are living at least 200 miles away now and/or abroad and semi retired.) I'm tired of this shit. Currently looking for a job that a: pays more so I can visit people, maybe go away on holiday (not done that since 2007) b: gets me out of the house a few days a week and helps me feel excited about life again! I've also had loads of blood tests to see if im physically OK as im sluggish and tired a lot of the time, and im fit and well. Just in a quagmire of stuckness. Any tips and hints to get my vavavoom back would be much appreciated!

Ditch the partner?? I can imagine having such a...person in your life can only drag you down. What would you do with your evenings and weekends if you were single?

Any changes you make yourself are unlikely to be enough to offset living with someone who can't get out of bed and who is unpleasant to be around. If he is moody and irritable to you, don't put up with it.

You could have a fresh start somewhere as it sounds like you don't love your job either!

You’ll need to stop funding the slug that lives in bed. Get rid of him then you can start living again ❤️

I know what you mean regarding my partner. I would up and go, but I've no money saved for rent and deposit (im 62 and the house we rent was sorted out by his mum, 21 years ago when we first moved up here with the baby, so we were lucky as its cheap compared to most properties, and still is). Year before last I tried looking for something else, but could not afford anything on my own. I saw 5 properties and each agent called to say I'd failed the eligibility tests. Im on 4 HA lists too. But i really just want to get my energy and passion back and see some friends. I've no family either, bar my daughter who's a recent graduate and is living in a different city after landing her first professional job. I know it sounds like an excuse, but I've literally zero money yo move.

Also, I am looking for a job with a better salary. Although I'm a professional, my career prospects dwindled quite a lot when we moved to a different area. I'm currently in a decent job, but it now pays less than the job I had before this one (because of restructuring in the company. )

Have you thought about looking at local community groups or volunteering opportunities?

There might be something that you find fun and meet new people - what would you spend time doing if you could? A community choir or garden?

I spent a few months volunteering at the weekend with a children's art group, and it gave me a bright spot during the week at a difficult time.

At the moment I am gradually walking the length of the Thames with my dog, a few miles at the time.

I went to a CBT group for a while, and one thing that stuck in my head was planning activities in categories of routine, necessary, and pleasurable. Routine e.g. housework, necessary e.g. job hunting. When we are struggling then it is easy to focus on those things and forget we also need to plan in things we enjoy.

I use the Finch app (the free version) to help me focus a bit more of self care.

@Baital , yes! I am actually currently looking at community stuff that is nearby (nothing at a suitable time in my area, but a few things 20 or so miles up the road that I could get to after 7.) I will certainly look at the self care app now. I was offered CBT in a group a few years back but could not carry on attending as there were clients there i actually work directly with.

Our local mental health team provides access to an online CBT website, it might be worth finding out if that's available?

I know I trot this out often but do you exercise? Even a brisk walk would work. It gets you out, gets the blood going. I always feel better after exercise, even though, objectively, I loathe it.

@BitOutOfPractice yes, I do weights (a bit, every other morning)and quite a bit of walking at the weekends. I have always said I'd walk on my lunch, but I end up getting disturbed by things I need to see to/staff emergencies etc.. I think I may start to go out after dinner at 7pm or so too. Will start that tonight. Thank you.