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Anxiety, depression, ADHD, health issues and caring for a parent with dementia, I don't think I can mentally survive this.

5 replies

JustJane73 · 29/07/2025 09:52

Oh! Perimeneopause too!

I can not cope and don't know how I am going to get through it all.

Lifelong issues with ocd, panic, anxiety and depression all eventually lead to an inattentive adhd diagnosis this year, at the age of 52.

And decades of digestive and gynae issues which have really taken it's toll on me physically. Diagnosed with ednometriosis and adenomyosis 18 months ago and now on a waiting list for a hysterectomy which scares the life out of me and has made the anxiety a million times worse (not to mention my digestive issues which are now daily).

Between my dad, my sister and I (and 2 carers) we look after my dear mum who has been suffering from Alzheimer's for 7 years and breast cancer for the last year. To make issues worse mum fell and fractured her neck 3 weeks ago and has been in hospital since. Physically she is doing ok but the hospital stay is having a very detrimental effect on her dementia, she can no longer talk well or articulate herself which is heartbreaking. Just seeing her like that is breaking my heart and pushing me further into depression.

I feel rotten. I am exhausted and sleeping from 7pm until 8am. I don't work anymore due to my physical issues and worry constantly about money and the pressure it's putting on my poor dh (but he never complains, bless him). I feel constantly nauseated, have stomach pains all the time and feel the need to use the loo so much throughout the day. This makes eating difficult and I have no desire for food at all but do try to eat throughout the day.

I am trying to keep to the same daily routine but it is so hard. I walk my dog every day to try to get my exercise in as I know it's good for my mental health (I used to exercise all the time but I am too exhausted now). I don't smoke or drink alcohol, I only drink water. I listen to the Calm app daily, I do yoga stretches every night but nothing is helping to ease this feeling.

I have tried so many antidepressants but they mess with my already messed up digestive system (as do the adhd meds), I have tried hrt but that made the endo pain worse. I don't know what to do. My GP doesn't know what else to try. I have had CBT and counselling but it hasn't helped either. I have seen many people say betablockers help but these have never been suggested by my GP, has anyone tried these for the physical issues from anxiety? I know they wont help with the mental aspects but the physical ones trigger my mental health and then I spiral into a vicious cycle.

Urgh, it's the combination of so many things hitting me at one time which is making me worse, I hate watching my dear mum slowly dying, it is actually driving me insane, then the physical issues start which makes things so much worse. I can not catch a break from it all.

What can I do, has anyone been in a similar position and regained their mental and physical health?

OP posts:
Pineappledancer · 29/07/2025 11:12

@JustJane73 So sorry to hear how difficult things are for you just now. You have such a lot to deal with.

I think it would definitely be worth asking your GP about beta blockers like propranolol. I have taken them before to help deal with physical anxiety symptoms. Like you say having the physical symptoms controlled should then have a positive impact on your mental symptoms and stop you spiralling.

Well done for getting out walking everyday.

Did you not find CBT or counselling any help at all? Would it be possible to try again, perhaps with a different type of therapy?

Which antidepressants have you tried? How long did you stay on them for? I understand they caused digestive difficulties but this can be a side effect that can pass relatively quickly for a lot of people. If you can get past that difficult initial period you might find it settles down and then you can get the benefit of the medication?

JustJane73 · 29/07/2025 12:30

Thank you Pineappledancer, I have been trying to get an appointment with my GP, can't get in for a couple of weeks yet but I will ask to try some betablockers in the hope they may help relax me as the physical issues do cause me to go into a panic. I do try to put into practice the things I have been taught via CBT (and Acceptance Therapy) but I often find it's the physical issues which drive my anxiety to unacceptable levels. Sadly, I can't afford any private talking therapies atm and my local NHS can only offer online CBT which I have tried several times now.

I have tried Sertraline, Citalopram, Escitalopram and Prozac over the last few years. Each for around 2-3 months but I just could not tolerate the nausea and diarrhoea they caused me, nothing settled. I do have a very sensitive digestive system though.

I just live in hope that I will get through this darker stage of my life, I can live with my 'normal' anxiety as I have lived with it all my life.

OP posts:
Pineappledancer · 29/07/2025 16:02

@JustJane73 Glad to hear you have a GP appointment coming up, hopefully the betablockers will be helpful.

Sorry that you have not had a good experience with the antidepressants, sounds like you gave them a really good try. I have also been on sertraline and fluoxetine and currently starting on escitalopram. I have had awful side effects on them all so I can sympathise. Still trying to get settled on escitalopram at the moment after 6 weeks.

I hope things get better for you soon. Keep on doing the little things that help.

JustJane73 · 29/07/2025 16:03

Pineappledancer · 29/07/2025 16:02

@JustJane73 Glad to hear you have a GP appointment coming up, hopefully the betablockers will be helpful.

Sorry that you have not had a good experience with the antidepressants, sounds like you gave them a really good try. I have also been on sertraline and fluoxetine and currently starting on escitalopram. I have had awful side effects on them all so I can sympathise. Still trying to get settled on escitalopram at the moment after 6 weeks.

I hope things get better for you soon. Keep on doing the little things that help.

Good luck with the Escitalopram, I hope you have success with them.

OP posts:
Jenkibuble · 30/07/2025 11:42

You mention peri . Do you take any HRT?

I am on a combo of both HRT (gel and Mirena ) and I also take a low dose of Venafalaxine.

My dad has dementia ( a year now and it has been quite rapid)
Whilsy mum looks after him predominantly, I try to give her respite (I am 4 hours away) and it is upsetting when I am with him.

Selfishly, I do not / can not offload my MH struggles anymore on my mum either (she was a great support to me previously)

The exercise / dog sounds great.

Do you enjoy reading / audio books. I love escaping this way . I have recently taken up knitting (I am definitely a beginner, but it is positive /rewarding to see an albeit dodgy creation)

x

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