Do I need anti depressants.....

[Onthefence87]

I've felt myself getting increasingly worn down, drained and exasperated in recent months....years.....root cause is parenting but there has also been other contributors I think.

I have a very short fuse nowadays- the kids trigger me incredibly easily especially eldest who is 8 has ASD/ADHD and can be a wonderful child, but also an argumentative little trouble maker on daily occasions, metaphorically poking the youngest (3yo) for a reaction, not sharing, using a threatening gritted teeth voice, physically hurting etc which i feel I have to come down hard about as it feels like bullying.

I am NOT concerned that I would ever really lose it with them or harm them.DH and I have always been very against smacking and never would do that or be verbally abusive in the sense of swearing at them, nasty name calling etc but if I'm honest I know that I get too angry with them sometimes and overreact.....I do say some quite critical unkind things to them and things like 'why do I have such naughty children' or 'I can't wait to go to work and have a break from you' and i don't want that to continue long term as know it can be damaging.
I do spend quality time with them but don't have alot of motivation to do things sometimes like joining in their play, and the noise, mess and demands of patenting easily overwhelm me so i withdraw into my phone or housework.I often feel the anger rising inside me, gritted teeth etc and do shout at them quite alot as I find the disagreements between them so hard to manage.
It's a vicious cycle as I get angry at them because of their behaviour, then it gets worse and they can both be angry at times too especially eldest.I know it needs to change and they are are probably getting some of it from me.

I am still often enthusiastic, complimentary and loving with them despite all the above, and always apoligise and own my mistakes, and they both do this too, but then things keep just happening again.It used to just be around the time of my period i got to this point; but lately the negatives in how I'm feeling and parenting them have become more and more prevalent and I'm finding whining and arguing is really pushing my buttons.

I want to reduce the constant niggling stress resulting in anger which kicks in like a switch when they annoy me.I want to teach them healthy conflict resolution not angry reactions, storming off, sulking and shouting etc but just feel like that's my default reaction which is hard to override.
I've read all the parenting books etc and have a good understanding of the 'ideal' and child psychology etc, but struggle to remember it all in the moment when im consumed by frustration :(

Would anti depressants help me cope? Just wondered others experiences in a simular situation? Ive always been put off as tried Fluoxetine once and had scary side affects hallucinations etc, so stopped after a day or so.Thanks for reading x

@Onthefence87 I think therapy would be more useful. You seem to be stressed not depressed so maybe antianxiety meds could help, but more it's just that you need a better outlet so that you don't put your stress and feeling onto your children. You need to take more time for yourself, get outside gor a walk and get coffee or meet up with a friend. Maybe exercise classes that you enjoy as well. I'd recommend doing some therapy (not CBT, but something like IFS, or someone trained in somatic approaches. Parenting is hard but remember to prioritise yourself.

Also if your symptoms exacerbate around your period, you may have PMDD which is a serious condition. Antidepressants can help with that. I think go to the GP and outline all of your issues, ask about antianxiety meds and/or antidepressants. Then ask for a referral to therapy (or go private if you can or want to).

Thanks for your reply....I have considered PMDD....I've never been suicidal, but I've sometimes felt hopeless and despair etc like I can't cope with life and in the hardest moments like I wish I could just escape it all.It got better after second child....before I would sometimes throw myself on the bed and cry etc, but there's definitely still a pattern of issues around that time.
I will see what doctor says....I didn't realise there were anti anxiety medications that aren't anti depressants- are they what 'beta blockers' are?

@Onthefence87 Yes sometimes people get beta blockers as well. I'd recommend getting antidepressants if you are feeling hopeless, just because you aren't suicidal doesn't mean you shouldn't seek help or might not have PMDD. With major depressive disorder or persistent depression or PMDD, there is a list of symptoms and suicidal ideation is only one. Perhaps get a referral to Psychiatry for an assessment and more long-tern therapy. Hope this helps.

Thanks so much for your supportive messages.I will make an appt and go from there.Most of the month i've usually been fine but i think the stress of parenting these past few months has worn me down more other weeks too.Just want to feel calmer with less cortisol flooding going on! x