Is this normal for an almost 25 y/o?

[JustSeal]

I can't stop worrying that I've ruined my life already because I don't have a partner or a job or any savings and I'm almost 25. I'm terrified or running out of time to have children and I'm obsessed with reading and researching about fertility and pregnancy and marriage - it's all consuming and I'm awake until 4am most nights. I feel so overwhelmed with panic whenever I'm awake that I'm basically non-functioning; I can't focus long enough to cook and I have no motivation anyway so I haven't eaten a proper meal in weeks, I never tidy up after myself, and I'm surrounded by clutter all the time. Every day I try to make to do lists to try to sort my life out but my mind feels like such a chaotic mess that I struggle just to write things down. I feel like I won't be able to relax until I'm in a relationship but I have no chance of meeting anyone because I have no friends or hobbies. I'm constantly horrendously stressed about time passing and I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. I'm averaging a couple of hours of sleep a night and I'm starting to feel desperate.

Enjoy yourself, loads of time! When I was 25 I lived in London for a couple of years, moved home to Scotland 27, met partner 29 , engaged 31, baby 32! Was so ready for family life, enjoyed my 20s travelling to Europe, Asia , America while also building career 9-5. You won't find true love until you learn to love and accept yourself!

make a list of things you want to achieve, including marriage and baby, but also decluttering areas, reading new book, visit a different city and trying new hobby etc! Maybe ticking little things will help you feel accomplished and you can reflect back to things you have done and not focus on what you haven't..... yet!!

Having no savings and not yet meeting a partner is not at all unusual for someone of your age but I would be more worried about not having a job and focus on what you plan to do about that.
Have you had jobs before, are you training or studying towards something to make you more employable ? It sounds as though you may be suffering form some level of anxiety generally so have you sought help for this? Do you think you could have ADHD ? I honestly think if you describe yourself as non functioning and constantly in a panic then you need to seek help.

Not having a partner or children isn’t a crisis at 25, but why no job or money, and do you have plans? I’m in my 20’s, in my friendship group we are all at different stages of life despite being the same age, me and a few others have bought houses, got married and had kids, we have a couple of friends who are just this year graduating after finishing PHD’s and who are off to start crazy and exciting career’s, I have a friend who is currently travelling South America and has been for the last year who is having the time of her life, a friend who has recently moved to Australia with her boyfriend with working visa’s to start their adventure, I’ve also got friends who aren’t sure what they want to do with their whole lives yet but for now are enjoying their current jobs, festivals, nights out and holidays- we’re not all in the same place or stage of life despite being the same age.

What worries me though is that from your post it doesn’t just seem like you’re not doing what you want to be doing, but rather that you’re not doing anything at all. Have you spoken to your GP?

Please print out your post and show it to your doctor – it's well written and explains your situation very clearly. They will help you get back on an even keel so you can become less stressed.

How are you surviving if you don’t have a job? No it isn’t normal at 25 not to have a job or any money. It is more normal not to have a partner or kids yet but not to have any of those things is very unusual. What are you doing about the job situation? I’d sort that first and then the rest will come. What qualifications do you have, what are you interested in?

I don't have money because I've been studying and altough I've had part-time jobs I haven't managed to save much. And I don't have a job because I've had no luck with job applications over the past few months. I really haven't prioritised thinking about career stuff at all in the last few years because I've been so stressed, I've been in a bit of a freeze state. I think I'm going to start studying again in Sept so I can get another qualification to hopefully get a job but I'm so worried about it... no, I haven't spoken to my GP but I doubt they'd do anything except prescribe antidepressants which I don't think I want

I'm living with my parents, which I hate, but the last couple of times I tried moving out and living independently I ended up running home because I got myself into such a mess. I have somewhat of a career plan and I'm planning on getting another qualification that should lead to a stable job in the next year (being vague because I'm afraid of doxing myself) but I really can't see myself coping with moving out again/further study because of the state I'm in at the moment...

I would focus on a job- any job- rather than more studying OP. It’s easier to get a job when you’ve got a job x

I haven't spoken to my GP but I doubt they'd do anything except prescribe antidepressants which I don't think I want

Don't presume – what harm is there in having a conversation?

From your post I think neurodiversty and anxiety is a high probability.
PP suggestion of showing your post to GP is a good idea. Not allGPs are that good so don't put put off if you get an unsympathetic one, perhaps speak to the receptionist and see which GP they would recommend.
Have a look a Adhd and Autism in women and see if it rings any bells.
You are very young, not having a partner and still living at home with your parents is totally normal.
If you've just finished uni it's also very common to find the adjustment period hard and the job market for graduates is brutal.
Keep going and keep applying don't give up, maybe look at volunteering or a temporary job as a way in or to get relevant experience.
If you were at uni they will still be able to offer you career advice, interview skills etc even after you've left.
There's plenty of time for children.
My favourite quote is from Mark Twain.
"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which have never happened"
Im an expert in overthinking and it sounds like you are too.
Small steps is the way to go.
And talk to your GP, good luck

I would listen to what @Dutchhouse14 says.

You can do anything as you have no real commitments. It’s a great place to be.

The best way to find a life partner is to be interested and also interesting. I would love to be in my twenties again, I tired so many things. Doing a first anything is so exciting. You could try and get a live in job, maybe look for housesitting opportunities. Some are unpaid but you get new places to experience, do this through a reputable agency.

Do volunteering, try a few different things.

@Eyesopenwideawake thank you for the advice... I have actually tried talking to my GP before but I feel so guilty for wasting their time that tend to get extremely embarassed and freeze up

@Justlurking101 I do want to make the most of the time and freedom I have now but it's so hard to motivate myself to get up and out of the house... I considered booking a holiday a couple of months ago but I discounted it because I know I just wouldn't enjoy it and it would be a waste of money... thank you for the reassurance and advice, though - I appreciate it :')

My favourite quote is from Mark Twain.
"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which have never happened"
Im an expert in overthinking and it sounds like you are too.
Small steps is the way to go.
And talk to your GP, good luck

@Dutchhouse14 thank you, this did make me feel a bit better :)

If you live at home you can probably afford to have counselling with a psychologist/ counsellor. Just get yourself off to someone to offload all this worry.
You could be neurodiverse - your anxiety seems unreasonable.

My DD has just had a baby at age 39 - stop panicking.

Not having a partner, savings or kids is very normal. You have a decade until you need to worry about fertility really.

Not having a job is something you should work on purely because it will give you money and fulfilment. And because I don’t see how you can live without a wage…

In terms of tidiness and food well lots of young people are like you, though it would be best to seek help for your anxiety and treat your body well with nutritious food. You should also see the doctor about your sleep - sleep deprivation will make you very unwell and will be making your mental health worse.

Honestly…. Stop stressing about a relationship or you’ll fall into a bad one. And you can always have a child alone if it gets to that eventually. Most people haven’t met their life partner at 25.

I understand, that's why I suggested printing out your post. Never feel guilty for asking for help. You are as valuable as everyone else.

I had elements of my life like yours OP. I was diagnosed with inattentive ADHD aged 39.

I'm going to try and give advice I would have liked at 25.

You genuinely have time to find a relationship. And you have time to get on your feet. What you cannot do is try and do everything all at once. It is a series of steps broken down.

The three important buckets are finding something you love to do for work, working towards doing things you enjoy in your spare time, and getting enough physical exercise (would also put things like getting enough sleep into this bucket).

Re health, you might find it helpful to speak to a GP about the stress. You may find an anti depressant helps - citalopram is good for focus and motivation. You might also benefit from CBT - there are a lot of 'terrified, can't, overwhelmed, panic, struggle' words. This could be reframed. E.g. I can't do this YET. Switch it around...from I don't know how to...to..how might I...etc.

Make a meal plan. Put a timer on and do a 25 minute tidy up blitz. Do a dance to a song. Have a container for every piece of clutter. Start small, with a list of 3 things to do a day. Find enjoyable things to do- what did you love to do as a child? Go for a walk when you feel anxious.

Look into voluntary work. Also The King's Trust which is set up to help young people up to 30:

www.kingstrust.org.uk/

In terms of savings, as soon as you have a job, open a help to buy ISA and put aside £200 a month. With that you could buy aged 35.

And start a pension when you have a job too, make sure you put in £150 a month. With compound interest, this will give you freedom later on. You have something many don't have - the gift of time for savings to grow.

Stop reading about pregnancy atm, but more practically you could look into egg freezing - may be a viable option if you are under 30 and have good egg reserves.