Grief and moving on

[Whyaminotmovingon]

Hi I’ve always been a person prone to low mood but the past few years have been the toughest! Prior to being 50 I always felt positive and enjoyed a great family life with trips abroad and good health. My parents died within months of each other at an age I would’ve stayed was young. They were a big part of our lives but I feel I’ve been stuck in the depression bit for over 3 years now and would love to get back to feeling hopeful and positive. But how do I get there! After the parents died I had trigeminal neuralgia for 1.5 years and was in constant pain. I discovered the cause of that but then I had issues at work and eventually laid off. Got a new job and all is going well but I feel I’m going to fail. I have anxiety which I never used to have and suspect (after child’s diagnosis) I have ADHD and I find it hard to discuss how I’m feeling with my husband who has got frustrated. I want to find my mojo but struggling.
anyone been in a similar situation? How did you get back to your normal self

Hi OP
Sorry you're having a tough time, that's a lot for anyone to deal with. I'm also sorry to hear you lost your parents young. I also suffer from anxiety so can sympathise and it's very difficult, especially when in the thick of it and it can feel like a downward spiral. I went to see my GP and she prescribed sertraline for me which has helped (side effects were awful for a start until my body got used to them. Nausea and dizziness etc) and I also tried talking therapies (I think it used to be called IAPT or something). Not sure if it's available in all areas but ask your GP about it and if they can give you more information.

Sorry pressed send too soon before I'd finished typing...

Talking therapies helped me just getting my feelings out and being given strategies to help deal with my anxiety. I can recommend it. I do hope you are ok and wish you well

If you are interested in looking for help in working through your grief can I suggest Ataloss.org they have lots of resources.

A symptom of neurdiversity is a tendency to ruminate on things. Dealing with loss of parents is also a huge life stress. I think expecting the worst would probably be quite normal in your shoes and may be a sign to take things slowly. One thing that has always worked for me (I have ADHD by the way) is looking at what has worked in the past. This helps us look to our strengths and what we can do. You survived until now so what in the past would you say has helped in times of adversity? What hasn't worked?

Re anxiety I would say speak to GP - options would be medication and therapy. Re anti depressants, my psychiatrist recommended citalopram for people with ADHD as it also helps with focus and motivation.

It sounds like you've had a really difficult time in your personal life. Losing a parent is really rough and two close together, like you've had, is a major trauma. I lost my father last year and while I'm feeling much better, I still have ups and downs.
I think it's helpful to let go of the idea of 'getting back to your normal self.' Experiencing the loss of my Dad and events around it changed me. There's a care-free part of me that is not coming back. I've found the Good Mourning book and Instagram account quite good for this. Like coping with the initial grief but also your emotional changes.
Definitely echo what others have said about antidepressants if needed and talking therapies. Sometimes I allow myself to just be a little sad when I hear a song he liked or when I miss him. And I allow myself to celebrate him. I'm in an online grief support group that meets a couple of times a year. It's very anonymous but I've found that very cathartic.
I've also found pleasure in some of the smaller things and try to find joy in my hobbies, a nice book and cup of coffee, my Netflix shows etc.

Congratulations on your new job. It sounds like you must be making great progress to have managed to get that. Best of luck with feeling better and I'm sure it will come with time, xx