depressed mums roll call, anybody else out there...

[limecrush]

feel they are staying alive only for their kids atm?

I have just put ds2 to bed. God I love him so much. He and his brother are really all I have to live for. And I will, but everything else seems so shite.

(have long term depression, bipolar episodes, stupid behaviour, divorce, etc etc- academic but can't work- only a while til someone finds that out- life is a car wreck really)

I want so much to be a better parent to them. I want to be happy and pass them the gift of that but I fear them growing up to be as unhappy as I am. Whether genetically or because as a depressed mother I repeatedly fail them.

Anyone else out there or am I the lone nutter this evening...

Nope, def not alone.

My appointment to beg the doctor for ADs is tomorrow morning

I am a lot better these last few days, but I have definitely been where you are

Sucks don't it?

xx

Not a lone nutter by any means. Know that can't work thing very well - should be working now. Sounds like you are trying to sort the depression out - is it not working?

oh thank god!! there are more of us out there

just wish I knew some. I seem to be in happy Stepford Wife ville here.

Goosey, nightmare not being able to work eh.

I am trying. Was on sertraline but went manic and behaved abominably Think I have bipolar tendencies.

Changed to prozac and promptly got depressed

now I am trying citalopram!

I've got trichotillomania which has gone rampant recently so I'm balding as well as depressed lol

I'm taking Sertraline too. Actually it seems to have helped a little. Citalopram didn't work for me - but then different things for different people.

I think the whole work thing just adds to the depression as I am waiting for people to work out how little I have done. Its amazing that no one has so far!

yeah I think you can skate on the surface with work for a while...lot of people do who aren't depressed lol!

my head of dept was surprised when I told them I was depressed (thought I should as eventually I will have to justify my lack of research) although he did say what with divorce and small children etc he could understand I 'faced challenges'

still feel in the end though, no one wants to employ a dead weight, which is what I feel like.

What do you do for a living goosey

I'm a lawyer. Dh is an accademic though and I have taught in universities - I found them a pretty unpleasant environment I have to say. Work have no idea that I am depressed and I can't imagine telling them.

What field are you in?

not depressed but suffering other mental health issues.
am with you on living only for the kids.
Definatly not alone..

sorry to hear that. you are not alone.
i feel depressed too. am single mother to ds 9 months with no contact from his father. what his father has said and done is utterly vile. i comfort eat every night once ds has gone to bed. i am putting weight on all the time and v unhappy. lost a dd in pregnancy almost 4 years ago and have other issues too which all seem to be building up.

i don't know if this is the done thing on this site but i'm sending you some (((((hugs)))) anyway.

take care. just remember that to your wonderful ds's you are their world x

aw no cath so sorry, big hugs.

I know what you mean re. comfort eating. I lost loads of weight while manic, now it's piling back on. so fat bald and depressed, not a good look

are you in treatment cath. Sounds like your depression stems from uncontrollable events, were you ever depressed before this? (I feel mine is from childhood/genetics and events simply have an impact on its severity)

lawyer goosey? am a legal academic and ex lawyer- couldn't take the corporate pressure of being a solicitor!

I would say not really the best career for a depressive?? flaming stressful anyway.

Ooh limecrush, that sounds familiar. Corporate law is immensely stressful!

Are you teaching on the LPC or on an undergrad course?

hi goosey- how was your evening

I hope not spent entirely in the pit of despair I did watch the Apprentice which always cheers me up a bit for some reason

I teach undergrads and postgrads, have a research position too which is the really stressful bit cos it never ends, and of course I can't concentrate atm.

Pretty rubbish as I am still at work trying to catch up on the back log from all those weeks of not doing anything!

Wow, you teach proper law! I always thought about making the transition to lecturing but never thought that I could learn enough. What type of law do you do?

For DH the stressful bit is teaching - he hates undergrads with a passion. He has just got a reasearch fellowship so at the moment he is happy. Are you under pressure for the next RAE?

Have to say if either of my kids say they want to be lawyers, I will not be happy.

Are you feeling better today?

a bit better cos period started- pms really doesn't help chronic depression eh

I always just cry for about 2 days now and feel really suicidal

today just the dull dragging sort of despair lol and I still can't work.

I teach all sorts of undergrad things and don't mind it too much though I understand your dh's pov.

My research is in feminist legal studies. All very interesting if only I could concentrate on it!

you trying to bill atm? presume no one at work could possibly know you're depressed, those environments are not very supportive are they...how are you treating your depression?

I dont have depresion but definatley get depressed about the things that have happened to me. Problem is I cant stop thiking about them, the thoughts are uncontrolable and its all I can do to block them out and try to carry on 'as normal' for my kids.

Quite a high dose of sertraline and seeing a psychiatrist about every 3 weeks. Sometimes I think it is under control and then other times life just does not seem worth it.

Really sympathise with the work thing. I really wish I knew how to kick start myself!

you doing long hours Goosey?

fiodyl hope you're OK- are you talking about uncontrollable/intrusive thoughts?

Hi LC. How are you feeling today? I have been working from home for the last 2 days so am generally feeling a bit more positive.

Are you looking forward to the long summer hols?