Constantly thinking about death and dying

[Sellingsunsets]

I've suffered with anxiety for many years and more recently been diagnosed with OCD. Sometimes I'm well and other times I become very unwell and hyper focused on themes. One of my main themes seems to be this intense fear of death and dying. I find myself constantly thinking about yh infact that one day I will cease to exist and I can't comprehend it. It makes me feel sick and makes my blood run cold, I can't explain the physical reaction of dread this brings to me. How an I make it stop, it's becoming unbearable and taking over my life. I already take meds and have therapy which seems to be unaffective. It's debilitating.

I think a lot of us have that fear and if I think about it too much I get really freaked out by it all. It’s inevitable that we will all die at some point and it’s something we can’t avoid. When I start thinking about it I just try and distract myself and I hope they when my time comes I feel ready.

What help are you getting for the anxiety?

I think all of us go through a period of contemplating the horror of not being in the world anymore, I know I did, think it was in my late 40's. Eventually I realised I could choose to fixate on it and let life pass me by or simply accept that one day - probably in my 80's I'd be happy to look back at an amazing life and be ready to go.

This is a fear every human faces. It sounds a cliche but mindfulness really worked for me but it takes a lot of practice (try Headspace to start). I heard something the other day that death anxiety is worse in those who have not lived their life (regardless of how long) to the full, that if we start being aware and living in the moment, then death anxiety is lessened. Note it never goes away completely. I have an incurable illness and after a lot of therapy, I’ve learned that to keep one eye on death frees you up to live your life NOW. It’s not ignoring death or trying not to think about it, it’s accepting death but living whilst you can.

I think there comes a time when we all think about our own mortality.

Mine was when I lost Mum. Her death in particular triggered me to have grief (from losing her) and to think about mortality in general.

My father is currently in hospital and was end of life pathway yesterday, and a U turn today with active treatment employed again. This has shown me they will do all they can, so accept when nothing can be - it simply can't and we probably wouldn't want to be here anyway given our condition.

I think I am more at peace with my own mortality now, but I did go through a bumpy patch.

All the best acknowledging and dealing with your thoughts so they are adjusted to proportionate.