Anxiety absolutely taking over my life

[LemonMum21]

Guys please tell me someone else is feeling this, I'm going absolutely insane.

LO is 4 months old now and over the last month or so my anxiety is creeping back and I can't deal.

Any time I am home alone I can't convince myself that someone isn't hiding under my bed and have to check regularly.

I can't relax during car rides because I am SURE someone is going to crash into us and kill my baby, I hate wearing my seatbelt because I won't be able to easily jump over to protect him, but if I don't, I might die and won't be able to take care of him.

I am suddenly SO afraid of identity fraud and people using my accounts that any time my internet connection dies or there is some kind of glitch on my laptop that I freak out and think I've been hacked. I don't even use a smart phone any more because they terrify me. It's a miracle I even signed up to this website to talk about this.

Constantly thinking about the world ending. Scared to walk up the stairs in case I fall down them. Intrusive thoughts about harming my child. Oh and the eating disorder I thought I'd recovered from is re rearing it's ugly head.

Please PLEASE tell me that medication helps with this?
I've been referred to the postnatal mental health team via the health visitor and I see a therapist regularly but I feel like my brain is imploding and I can feel it getting worse.

This sounds like OCD I hope you get support soon xx

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Medication does help.
Do you have real life support?

Thank you so much, this really makes me feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel 😭

I wouldn't say I have NO real life support but the support I have isn't great let's just say that. Do you have support? I don't feel like anyone really understands me

I was there few years ago - Generalised Anxiety Disorder (originally PNA, but positive I had anxiety all my life, it just imploded).

OP - it gets better in time. The worst thing to do is to shut off and stop doing things - but I completely get it's scary, draining and exhausting.

You have to sleep more and better - sleep deprivation makes it 100 times worse. Get help with the baby, as much as possible, and rest - actually go to sleep.

Have a look on BHF website for breathing techniques. Do these exercises every day. Take your baby for a walk and do them. Honestly, it is a must.

Good job on the referral to postnatal MH team. Your HV should help too. The MH team may refer you for CBT - it wasn't massively helpful to me, but it might be to you. My NHS therapists said I'd benefit more from compassionate therapy.

Go out on your own, just you - for exercise. Move your body even if gently - gentle shaking, yin yoga or restorative yoga are all helpful as they reduce cortisol levels. But generally regular, gentle exercise is good.

Lower sugar intake and caffeine.

You may go on medication and I'd consider that if you have to wait for a referral. A low dose anti-anxiety medication may be helpful to you.

Other things that can help may be hypnotherapy, acupuncture, journalling and lots of time in nature. Anything soothing your brain is a good thing now.

Trust me, you'll come out of this horrid phase but give yourself time. It won't be tomorrow, but be consistent and take small steps every day.

It helped me once I started thinking clearer to separate my anxious brain from my normal one, I named it Susan. When Susan takes over, I can see it now and I tell her to shut up. She doesn't always listen, but it is much easier to get on with life now. It'll be OK, I promise you. Keep going and get any help possible as soon as you can 💐

You WILL come through this. For now you need to take all the help on offer, be that medication and/or therapy. Listen to the health professionals, tell them what you are feeling and do not hold back - you will not be judged.

Good luck.

Definitely see your GP and start medication if you feel able to. Ask for a referral for counselling. Also look up and listen to drew linsalata, his anxiety podcast/Facebook/books are wonderful.

Hey @LemonMum21, how are you doing today?

You are too cute for asking, thank you so much 😭
Today is actually my anniversary so my partner has been around to distract me and give me a lot of cuddles, it's been lovely, I wish he could be around all the time. It's definitely worse when I'm left alone with my thoughts.
How are you? Did/do you have anxiety and things too?

Awww good, enjoy @LemonMum21. Actually being away from the baby and just being you helps a lot - but it's hard early on.

Have a great evening 😊💐

Get help. My anxiety was picked up postnatal. It’s a horrible thing when you are in the grip of it.

Just wanted to say so sorry you're going through this, it's a horrible experience. I had very awful intrusive thoughts after my first that were somewhat triggered also by my own childhood trauma. It did pass thankfully but yes speak to gp. Hope you are okay and sending support your way ❤️

Propranolol has helped me. I'd never heard of it b4 last year and I'm 55 with a long history of depression.
Propranolol has helped during 2 years of the most bad trauma and overthinking I've ever known.

Thank you all so much for your kind words, encouragement and advice. When I'm feeling brave I'm going to speak to the GP about medication, I have had some terrible experiences with them in the past and am quite honestly scared to talk to them and never go unless I absolutely have to, My HV appointment is on the 4th and I'm very much looking forward to it. I had a lovely child-free anniversary day on the 23rd which has lifted my spirits a lot too.

My DMs are open if anyone ever needs a chat. <3

This genuinely sounds like OCD. I have it and its horrible, unfortunately medication helps somewhat but doesn't change anything with the thoughts. I wish you the best of luck xx

@LemonMum21 Exposure response therapy is the best treatment for Postpartum OCD and anxiety. You definitely need to see your GP before you spiral and get worse. Ask to see a GP with a specialism in mental health, women's health etc. You can ask to not see a GP you previously have had bad experiences with. I'd definitely look at starting antidepressants and also get referred to a psychiatrist (they can manage meds better) and also ask GP for a referral to Exposure therapy and/or psychodynamic. It can be so helpful to have an outlet for stress I'd 100% also bring it up to your Health Visitor, you won't be seen as a bad mother. Many people suffer from postpartum mental illnesses, but don't put it off before you get worse. Just because you aren't drowning now or suicidal doesn't mean you don't deserve help. You'll get through this.

i hope you assessment goes well,
I would disagree with pp who suggest OCD, which would be intrusive thoughts. It sounds like you have Generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) - super high levels of worry across multiple areas of life,
medication and CBT can be really helpful,
you could also do little bit of reading around GAD - could be reassurancing that you are not going mad, you have developed a anxiety disorder - often often postnatally due
to massive life change / hormones / sleep deprivation/ increased responsibility etc and DOES have good outcomes with the right treatment and strategies

The reason I suggest OCD is her obsessions and compulsions which differs for GAD (she seems to be suffering from both). OCD is not just intrusive thoughts.

I can't relax during car rides because I am SURE someone is going to crash into us and kill my baby, I hate wearing my seatbelt because I won't be able to easily jump over to protect him, but if I don't, I might die and won't be able to take care of him.

That suggests she needs to do something to prevent something bad happening linked to her child. She doesn't want to wear a seat belt which could be more dangerous.

I can't convince myself that someone isn't hiding under my bed and have to check regularly. Scared to walk up the stairs in case I fall down them. Intrusive thoughts about harming my child. Oh and the eating disorder I thought I'd recovered from is re rearing it's ugly head.

Again having to check under the bed - a compulsions due to illogical fear (which is logical in her head). She's also suffering with intrusive thoughts about her hurting her baby even though she doesn't want to.

@LemonMum21 You need to get on more medication - antidepressants and perhaps look at getting more intense therapy (EMDR, Exposure response therapy). If your paranoia around harming your baby develops, you need to say so (your HV and GP won't see you as a bad mother, otherwise you wouldn't feel bad about having the thoughts. Postpartum paranoia can develop if you don't get ahead of it into psychosis, suicidal ideation etc. If this happens, please get help and don't be ashamed, it doesn't mean you don't love your child. So many women suffer in silence for too long. Ask your GP and HV for a referral to Psychiatry (for a full assessment on Postpartum OCD). Also ask GP for a referral to Eating Disorder Services for specific therapy for ED's. Especially as you've suffered with an ED before (if they don't know about this, make sure you tell them) and getting ahead of it before a full relapse is important.

We're not here to diagnose OP, please leave this to the professionals. FWIW, I had very similar thoughts to what OP included in her post and had a formal GAD disgnosis, as well as PTSD (for other reasons personal to me).

We could all chip in with personal experiences or our opinions, but the reality is her situation is also personal to her. She needs to be assessed and helped by a MH team and that's as good of an advice as it gets, alongside some anxiety management tips which should decrease her overall stress levels, this always helps. There is probably a lot more detail to her story which she hasn't divulged and it would only become clear upon a holistic assessment.

@LemonMum21 you sound a bit more positive now which is lovely. Please keep talking to us and let us know how your appointment goes. It may take some time to get help, but you've already taken the right steps and very well done to you. Hope you manage to get a bit more rest and sleep in the meantime xx