Hello I’m 34 and for many years I’ve been extremely depressed. I have a good job teaching, just married and have two beautiful boys.
so why so depressed hey ?! I’ve struggled for years in search of happiness. I lack motivation and zest for life. I’m a high functioning depressed human. I’m bubbly, Center of attention. Make people laugh and can talk to anyone. It’s exhausting.
I have a million goals in my head. Loose weight ? Go to a class ? Start walking ? Go out more ? They are just bullet points in a new notebook I got to sort my life out (for the billion time).
Now this would be somewhat achievable if o
wasn’t a mum and if my husband didn’t work. Night shifts. Night shift. Sucks !!!! It’s killing me off and I don’t work them. I’m with my children, all the time! I’m a great mum. The go above and beyond mum. We make playdough, water play and go for walks and trip just us three. It’s so fucking hard! It’s HARD. I have a very very temperamental 2 year old. You need patience of a saint and FBI negotiation skills just to get in the car or put a jacket on. I know this is normal. He’s wild and I love him for it. It’s just a typical week might be husband leaves 6am. Get the kids breakfast dressed, go out maybe the beach for a walk, dinner, tidy up, go outside, tea time, tidy up, bath time and bed. Husbands home 8pm. He has his tea and we seat opposite sides of the couch. When he says to me “tough day” I want to scream at him because then tomorrow. I do it again. Then the best bit. When I go to work he’s then asleep or a free day to himself. A bloody free day. He’s work shifts change. Meaning a couldn’t never commit to a class. I can never get organised and have a routine for myself.
He thinks this is the norm. Everyone bites the bullet and this the slog.
I'm getting too depressed that I can’t turn to my husband a he’s a walking talking one liners you read in a card shop. “You’ll get there” “keep going”. What I don’t want to ?
this isn’t what I wanted ? I didn’t think it would be this bloody difficult ?
To be extremely clear. My kids are my world. Just pondering is there more ?
I'm recently married, had a baby and just moved house to a family home to save for a house . Maybe it’s coming down from such big events.
I just feel incredibly sad all of the time.
My friends I’ve had for years just want to go kids places and do things with the kids. Feel selfish that I just want to go out for a meal and drink with them. Kid free!
I feel like I have no life of my own