I'd love a third baby

[Kathleen1992]

I'd love a third baby. I honestly don't feel like I'm done but we had so little family support with our first 2, we think we'd really struggle with 3.
I know we won't have a third, I just need to find ways to get the "want" out of my mind.
We were fed this lie that family would be there every step of the way when I feel pregnant with our first, but then it became more of "well be there whenever we want to let facebook know what wonderful grandparents we are".
So I know it would be too hard.

We're definitely going for a third even though we have zero family support. It's shit, sorry you're in the same situation. Do yous both work full time? How old are your current DC?

Our 2 are 5 and 2 and a half, my husband works full time and I work part time from home.
Wishing you all the success with your third xx

We have 3 children and zero family support. We've only had a handful of nights out as a couple in 10 years and never a night away together. Our family live hundreds of miles away, so there was never an expectation of help. It's not really a reason to not have a 3rd, so I'm guessing there are other reasons too?

I had PND with my second and I think there's an underlying fear I'd get it again but I don't know how'd I'd get through it with 3.

Its a weird feeling isn’t it?

I’ve got 3 - my third wasn’t planned and we also live quite a nomadic life thanks to my DH’s job, so family support is non-existent through no fault of their own - we just never live close enough for that.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve felt this overwhelming urge to have another baby. We decided to go for it, and I ended up losing twins last year. That was a very complicated miscarriage which resulted in things being very touch and go for me.
Since then, I’ve done a hell of a lot of thinking and backwards and forwards with the idea of trying again, and my sensible brain always wins: there’s too many negatives, especially after everything that happened with the miscarriage, I can’t take that risk again.
But it doesn’t shake the yearning feeling when I see a friend or family member announce a pregnancy or the birth of a new baby, or when I see someone on telly have a baby. Literally can’t watch Call The Midwife anymore without having all the feelings of “we could have one more”. And then I feel this gut-wrenching sick feeling when I remember all the reasons why we can’t have another baby.
I don’t have any advice, just acknowledgement that you’re not alone in feeling like this ❤️

Ah this is hard. You're being very sensible to consider this. 3 children seems a lot more than 2+1, in my experience. The older 2 have so many clubs, playdates, homework etc, and the toddler is busy being a toddler. It's utter chaos a lot of the time!

In a similar boat, and I don't know which way we'll decide just yet. Very little family support with either, and would expect none with a third.

I had PND on my first, though not my second. I put that down to an easier birth, faster recovery, and an all round easier baby (though both are equally adored). None of those things are guaranteed again, so I would be scared trying for a third. I do feel like I've really worked on my mental health since my bout of PND, and activated a support network of therapy and informed midwives for my second pregnancy. That made a big difference, and I would be doing it again if I had a third.

It's a hard feeling isn't it! I want to give my best self to the two I have, but sometimes I just crave a third.

That's exactly how I feel but you've worded it far better than I could have.

we have 3 under 5. Last baby a surprise. No family help. I figured it’s just a season

I'm going to save this thread, OP. I can't offer advice, just solidarity and understanding 💐 (Weirdly, or not really, it feels reassuring knowing about other people experiencing the same).

That's completely valid. Thank you for commenting ❤️

I think it's the unknown that really drives me mad.

Because if I could say definitively that I would get PND again, I would be completely done at two. I never want to go through that again, and I don't want my children to experience it either. For me, it came to an end through therapy & really working on myself - but also my DC finally sleeping (they were a refluxy, wakes every 45min, but nothing diagnosable baby). I was willing to risk it again to give my DC a sibling, & had my DH coached on how to get me and the kids through it.

And then we had the sweetest, sleepiest bub for number two. The easiest addition to our family. & If I could guarantee that experience again, it would be the easiest yes of my life.

But we could have a complex pregnancy, or a difficult birth, or a reflux baby or a child with additional needs. All added stresses I don't think we have the support network to help us through.

So I don't have the answer for how to be comfortable moving ahead despite the risks, or how to accept being done. Just a bucket load of solidarity!