What do you do when you're not loveable or likable?

[MoreRainbowsPlease]

My partner of nearly 30 years left me several weeks ago. We've been together since we were teenagers. I have quite a lot of mental health problems which he has put up with, but he could no longer cope and said he was no longer in love with me. Since then I have found out that people who are thought were my friends, or cared about me obviously didn't from what they have said to him or to other people which has got back to me. Also the actions of some people who I thought cared about me have shown that they don't and might never have done.

I know it is normal to be depressed over the breakdown of such a long relationship, and I do suffer from depression anyway, but it is all the extra stuff that has totally destroyed me. I feel so unlovable and unlikable. I'm worried I'm going to end up being a burden on my kids because one of my problems is I am agoraphobic. I can't leave the house alone and barely at all.

I've contacted my dr's for help. I just don't know what to do anymore. I have no plans to kill myself, but I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

I should add my kids are perfectly safe, they are 20 and 17 so it's not like I have little ones I have to look after.

It is horrible to be feeling like this. I feel for you. Everything must seem like a catastrophy just now. Youre taking this abandonment as proof to yourself that youre unworthy of being loved or cared about. Im sure thats not true.
You've done the right thing by contacting your GP. They'll be able to help you.

Oh OP I really feel for you. Can you afford good therapy?

I can't afford therapy, currently waiting for my universal credit claim to be dealt with. I couldn't work so we only ever had his salary so I couldn't afford therapy then. Had lots on the NHS, but it was always limited and I'd only just start to make progress when I'd run out of sessions and it would be a year before I could apply again. I do already take anti-depressant and I did take a clonazepam this morning because I was shaking so badly and had been for hours and it was really starting to hurt.

Thank you all for replying. It is appreciated. I know I just have to hang in there, but my future which never looked that great anyway now seems absolutely bleak, with no way to improve it in sight. Maybe once I've spoken to my GP or something I might be able to be more positive.

When I split from ex, some friends naturally sided with him, despite the split being amicable / no third party involved etc.

Can you take up some new hobbies / voluntary work perhaps (this would not affect your UC - you will meet new people and possibly gain new skills)

I know you say you struggle with agorophobia, both hobbies and voluntary could be on a basis of days you feel able to (if these exist)

Take care