What makes you feel good??

[cheekymonk]

Hi Everyone. I am just thinking and having one of those times where you feel dissatisfied, unhappy and maybe a bit empty. Normally I would scoff my face or have a glass of wine but am trying to lose weight and have no wine in house! Sometimes I have spent money to feel better but it never lasts longer than 5 mins. It just seems that everything that does make me feel better is so bad for me and has obvious consequences ie. I am very large, we have debt problems, if I do drink I normally have too much and can't remember what I have done. I used to have a lot of one night stands before I met dh as I loved the rush of someone wanting me for that very short time but felt so worthless afterwards. I was a student and had moved away from home and just felt so lonely. I wonder why I can't control things and enjoy things in moderation. I just love pleasure and find pleasure in these things.
I also love people however and one of the things I loved about my wedding day was having everyone I loved in the same room. I love it when you really connect with someone and get on and you don't have to pretend and can be natural but it is hard to find this and I am always scared of rejection.
Dh is fantastic and as a family I feel so content but he is away alot so I need to be self sufficent and take care of myself so I can be the mum ds deserves.
What do other people do to look after themselves, to feel good and like themselves I guess??

hi cheekymonk - just wanted to say that you sound nice and am sure you're the mum your ds deserves.
I guess I feel good about myself if I achieve something, or do something I consider good or worthwhile (work mostly - I am freelance and sometimes lack motivation - but if I do work I feel good)

Thanks Margaret! I should add that I do enjoy my job, helping other people get a job and do that 3 days a week but wouldn't want to work more than that as ds is only 3 and not sure he would enjoy fulltime nursery. I like giving something back but feel I have to balance giving back to community/society with being there for ds and obviously at this age, ds comes first.

CM I felt I had to respond as you've articulated very clearly how I have felt in the past, and some of my current situation.

Can I suggest something that really helped me?

Write it all down. Its a cheap form of therapy and you might unearth some things about yourself which will give you clues towards your behaviour patterns. It won't make them go away (as i naively beleived) but its so much easier to do when things are identified.

I was feeling reaaly low last year, couldn't dig myself out like i had in the past. GP said he doesn;t beleive in ad's and the waiting list for councelling was 6 months. So I tried this and actually discovered why i was feeling so worthless.(long and probably boring tale to anyone but me)

I started at being born to present day, and while I'll never do anything with it(I also discovered i have no talent for writing!!) it was such a useful tool. I wrote during ds's naps, an hour a day, well, on a very casual basis.... And last week when the surgery called to say a slot had come free, i had a think about it and declined. I'm alright. I'm not claiming to be swinging off the chandeleirs or owt, but I'm happy enough in my own company these days, and am fairly confident that I could cope with anything thats thrown at me.

Hope this helps....

Of course a brisk walk in the woods works wonders too!

sounds great TREBUCHET

Thanks Trebuchet, that does sound really good. I will try that. I love writing. Thank you x

Anyone else?? x

nature; a bit of exercise in the fresh air if only walking; cooking new things; joining playgroup and other local committees and attending meetings; expressing myself; getting involved. You sound nice.

sowing seeds and watching things grow ..

yes, looking at nature, birds, flowers,walking,buying myself nice coffee

This is all constructive and fab. Like Speckled hen I'm a great believer in the healing power of fresh air. When DS was tiny and I felt very isolated and clueless I'd take him for a stroll by the river and it calmed both of us.

Nothing seems as bleak after a walk.

Also doing things like putting pictures in albums and writing mails or sending pics to friends who live overseas.

I like getting the house sorted (not anally tidy, just to my own standards!) and having the time to do something I enjoy, like sewing. I like having a night in on my own to do that. If you can find a hobby that you love, it can be intensely therapeutic.

For social things, going to the cinema or a gig with friends. Cinema is good as you don't spend the whole evening drinking and you sit down and relax (I can't drink much as I have very low tolerance, so a whole evening in the pub is miserable for me).

Also fresh air, especially near water - going to a beach or riverside walk - or just going swimming cheers me up.

Oooh yes, making yourself catch up on phone calles to friends. I sort of dread it in a weird way, but when i do it I end up really pleased that I did!

hi cheekymonk you know everyone feels like this at some point you have got to enjoy now not think if i moved /lost weight /had more friends/more money whatever i worry about not having enough friends but i'm me i do my thing and as for looking at other people and thinking there's is perfect it is not.i go out with a regular group of friends with lots of alcohol everyone loosens up and all sorts are revealed

hi and fresh air is good

I think that's excellent advise MB.

have just drafted v long and meaningful response to this thread - then pressed wrong button on sodding keyboard - ARGH!

anyhoo -

fresh air, plant a seed, read a book, cook a delicious meal, or just SIT on the sofa for five minutes and do nothing.

or from your OP it seems as if you value connection with others: so make the connection. Talk to an old friend, or phone a family member who isn't expecting to hear from you.

Talk to older people - volunteer in a hospital or hospice near you. There are so many older people who would so appreciate some personal contact with you and your DS.

Well done you for focusing on what is good for you and positive. Best wishes with that!

Thanks all. Yes I remember when I was at worst point of PND going for walk by sea and it made me feel so free. I cried the whole walk but it was so theraputic. I used to live on the doorstep of seafront but am more inner city now.
I am surprised at 2 people saying I sound nice. I wrote this just as I felt really without "trying" to sound like a good/nice person so goes to show really! Thank you for your kind comments.
Have also started a mini autobiography too. I find it so hard to remember anything younger than 5 years old but its amazing getting it all down.
Its a shame keepcalmandsauvignon your post got lost but thank you for your comments x