Struggling to cope with the constant feeling that i am a weak POS because of being neurodivergent and having various mental health conditions since a young age

[Nonoanddefintelyno]

Its gotten to the point where some days i deliberately wont take the medication I got prescribed for anxiety and occasional low mood because of the sheer magnitude of how much i loathe myself for not being able to be a replica of the "permanently mentally strong, unemotional, never feels vulnerable" representation that I see in every other individual that I meet. Sometimes I wish I could just dig a hole for myself in the ground because

i loathe myself for not being able to be a replica of the "permanently mentally strong, unemotional, never feels vulnerable" representation that I see in every other individual that I meet

It's a representation, not a truth. Just like the Wizard of Oz who appeals all powerful, every single individual you meet has their own fears, insecurities, bouts of self loathing and emotions that they can't handle. A quick trawl through the threads on MN will prove this. Just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it's not there.

Why not try being kind to yourself for a change. What harm can it do?

Hey, I just want to say that you're not alone in feeling this way. A lot of people silently carry these thoughts the pressure to always appear strong, unaffected, and emotionally “perfect” is overwhelming and unrealistic. You're allowed to feel, to break down, and to heal in your own time.

I recently came across a resource that genuinely helped me shift my perspective on mental health and self-worth. It’s a short, practical guide that offers real steps to rebuild emotional balance and inner peace without judgment or pressure. If you're open to it, I’d be happy to share it with you no pressure at all. Just know there’s support out there and you don’t have to face this alone.
Stay gentle with yourself.

This......
Just because they don't show it doesn't mean they are not struggling.
You only have to look at some of the tragic stars (Matthew Perry, Robin WIlliams ) to see this.

THis sounds great. Can you share the link ?

You're comparing your inner self to everyone else's social veneer. That's like comparing apples and oranges.

I do get what you mean, though. I'm ND too and have a long history of MH crises. Most of the time I'm now accepting of my limitations, although that "epic failure" feeling does occasionally creep in. Copious amounts of therapy has enabled me to see that I'm just as worthy of compassion and kindness as anyone else. Have you explored much therapy?

To re-iterate, I mean the tragic sadness of their deaths

I have had mental illness since I was about 8. I have been under secondary services for most of my adult life.

For the most part you would walk past me and not know how much I'm struggling inside. I've had times when I have been in work and had to leave for a crisis team assessment but I'd say that except one colleague no one knew I was struggling at the time. There are times when it is more obvious that I'm unwell but also plenty of times when it's not.

Don't judge your inside to other peoples outsides is my motto for life.