Daughter 22 is neurodiverse

[Terri31]

Hi my daughter gave up uni a couple of years ago as she couldn’t cope. She has been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, OCD, health anxiety and body dismorphia. She doesn’t leave the house, won’t even go into the garden. She thinks she turns into a ugly monster when she goes outside. She can be very rude, aggressive and very critical of myself and my husband. We have reached out for help but nothing changes as she won’t admit what’s really going on, she just masks. As she’s an adult I can speak for her or make her do anything. It’s so so sad and is affecting my marriage. Has anyone had any experiences like this xx

Not personally. Do you have an adult social worker?

No I don’t, didn’t even think of that, but I know she won’t engage, she will just downplay everything that’s why we aren’t getting anywhere. Think it’s denial and embarrassment

Its really extreme for her not to go out of the house. A NT therapist might miss the masking, you'd want a specialist ND therapist / psychiatrist if she'd agree it again.

Otherwise, let her get on with it in a flat or bedsit that is not your personal space (she'll get UC and PIP). You'll be able to support her more if you are feeling strong and peaceful

I didn't want to read and run. Will reply in more detail tomorrow. Is your DD on ADHD medication at all?

@raysan
Some autistic adults aren’t capable of living independently, even if there is no intellectual disability involved.

@Terri31 my dd was younger than yours when she hit a crisis and recovery has been a slow process, we are in a much better place now but it has taken a long time and it has not been a linear process. For us the diagnosis of Audhd helped us to understand her severe anxiety and her emotional disregulation and of course ADHD meds also were an aid. However, another big help was this book - Never let go by Suzanne Alderson, I still go back to it regularly, parenting a child(whatever the age) in crisis is not straightforward and we need a different approach. The author made some videos on youtube if you want to have a look -

Also if your dd isn't ready for therapy and you can afford it then get therapy for yourself and your dh first. Self care is really important.