How to be okay with giving up this class?

[GentleBrickAnt]

I quit my swimming class. I only joined because I thought it would be fun but l’m not able to do even the preliminary stuff. Anyhow, my problem is not just that I’m giving up but how that giving up is making me pile insecurity upon insecurity, layer wildly imagined situations one upon another - like being in a drowning situation and thinking this is punishment - and make myself more miserable than I already feel.
I learnt driving some 28 years ago but had no opportunity to practice every day. Now scared I’m too old for it, and worry about accidents. I may still give it a try. I don’t want to go rebounding into another venture just to feel better.
I don’t feel like a quitter. I held down a not so great job for well over two decades. I worked on my marriage. I went for a hobby class and nine years on, am still in love with it (just a hobby, not a vital skill). I learnt a couple of languages for the heck of it.
I guess I’m posting here because I want some advice on how to be okay with this.

You can have driving lessons for confidence, even when you’ve passed.
You don’t sound like a quitter, you sound like someone who knows their own mind and doesn’t waste time on things they don’t want to do.

I have similar thought processes when I give things up (though not exactly the same). My ruminations don't usually focus on the practical consequences of giving an activity up (such as your imagining scenarios in which you drown because you haven't learnt to swim). Instead, I tell myself in a horrible cruel overbearing narrative This is what you always do. You start something and you can't stick with it. You are a quitter, irresponsible, pathetic, unconscientious, flaky, awful, useless.

I wonder if that is also a strong strand in your ruminations, and the thoughts about being punished by drowning are a riff on this basic self-cruelty?

I've learnt over the years that I have to actively prepare how to deal with this voice when I consider giving something up. I retired fairly recently, and because I am being treated for depression I saw the 'social prescriber' at my GP surgery. I've started three new activities, and I keep on reminding myself that this stage in life is one of transition and exploration. It has to be approached with openness, flexibility and self-compassion -- which means giving up on the things that aren't bringing you joy and trying something new (or just taking a breather).

I think that coming to activities via the social prescriber helped me to approach things with a compassionate awareness of my limitations, and the challenges that depression brings. If you don't have the chance to use a social prescriber, could you perhaps be your own 'social prescriber', in the sense of speaking to yourself in the voice of someone who is informed and caring in relation to the difficulties that you have?

Over the years, my 'cruel voice' has made me stick with things that I should have abandoned earlier. That is just as damaging as giving things up too soon. Trust the kinder narrfatives in your head and allow yourself to acknowledge that giving up is sometimes good.

Edited to add: You joined the class because you thought it would be fun, not to keep yourself safe from drowning. Turns out that it wasn't fun for you. And fun is important. It's not frivolous to seek it out, and then turn away when an activity doesn't bring the fun you expected. You're allowed to to that.

I try to look at this problem this way:

1. You are already better than 85% of people because you researched, acted upon the information, paid and attended the activity once. Most don’t get past the fleeting thought stage.
2. it’s ok that you don’t like the activity and do not want to do it anymore, or, it’s ok that life circumstances have changed since you decided to do it, and now you cannot do it. That’s life it carries on whilst you are still planning!
3. it is good to be flexible in your approach to things. Circumstances and wants and needs fluctuate and it’s less stressful to be adaptable - and could save your life.
4. there are lots of activities to do, it’s ok to try lots of them before settling on something you enjoy and can fit into your schedule. We are not all the same!
5. non of the above makes you a quitter. It makes you adaptable. You’ve proved that by what you’ve written in your op.

As for driving - good advice on getting some refresher lessons from a pp. As for swimming, well you’ve survived this long without drowning, so keep doing whatever it is that has prevented that scenario from playing out, and you’ll be fine. If you want to retry, you can when you are ready to.

Our inner voices set try to protect us from harm and unfortunately sometimes in that process also set us up to think we have failed. Sometimes the lizard brain within us is just plain dumb.

Re: the driving. I trained as a driving instructor and it’s pretty common for people to have refresher lessons . A lot of women in particular pass their test but then don’t regularly drive because their partner does the driving etc but then their partner gets ill and they need to drive.if you haven’t got a car it may be worth considering an automatic because they’re so good nowadays and you don’t have the faff of the clutch and gears.

It's just the fourth class, it's not as if I tried that hard to like it - or rather, I did, until I felt like I was drowning and wasn't told how to get back on my feet. I felt like I should go and breathe, bubble and float with support because I paid up, but the sinking and flailing didn't seem worth it just because I spent a lot of money. Of course, I also felt hopeless.

@GentleBrickAnt but you TRIED and WENT for four classes!!! That is amazing! It’s more than enough time to say a) you tried b) you can honestly say it’s not for you at this moment c) you know exactly why you didn’t continue - and believe me it was an instructor issue NOT a you issue. This information can be used going forward if you decide to try again.
Equally - if you don’t ever go swimming again - it doesn’t matter ! The world will not stop turning just because you’ve learnt it’s not something you want to continue with.
well, that’s my take on it when I experience the same ‘quitting syndrome’. You have to try things in order to find out why you do and don’t like. We are not carbon coooes of each other, we all have different tastes, it’s what makes us unique and there is no shame or guilt in trying things then deciding it’s not for you. (Sprouts/marmite love or hate them, you don’t know until that first mouthful)
fyi - IF you do decide to try again, please tell your instructor what happened. It may be they suggest 1:1 for a few session so you gain some lost confidence.

Thank you all, all of your responses are comforting.
@PlasticAcrobat you’re right. I don’t much think of myself as a quitter because I persevered in my job and relationships but I do wonder if I’m throwing away a good thing and I’ll be punished for it, when I do make a break. I do feel like a loser sometimes, though, because unlike what many folks and experts say, paths to bigger and better things aren’t magically opening up when I finally let go.