2 months post partum, non stop crying, feeling empty and doom

[Icecreamsundaee]

Hi,
2 months pp to baby no3. I have a history of struggling with extreme anxiety while pregnant and also have hyperemesis graviderum. This last pregnancy was no different and it wasnt planned. I spent 9 months feeling like it was a sentence i had to complete and told myself once its over id be myself again. My previous post partum experiences although i had some baby blues and hormones were all over i would tell myself this is still much better than being pregnant and would often get by/enjoy my day.

I was thinking the same this time around my othe DC are 8 and 6 and are good kids. I thought the age gap would help give me time to focus on baby and rest as it has. But ive been so down crying and feeling like impending doom is around the corner. My mum is here to help and dh calls our trusted babysitter to help with older dc to ensure im rested.

But no amount of sleep and help is making me feel better, i feel guilty as i know theres mums out there who are doing it alone. But everything thats said to me sets me off and things with dh are bad but i feel its me overreacting and getting upset. I hide my feelings from my mum and its been exhausting acting like im ok when on the inside im not. She is returning home soon she lives far and although i dont know how i will cope without her at least i dont have to fake it.

I want to return to work in a few weeks part time to feel like myself again as i love away from all family and friends and being home doesn't help, though i made this decision myself im anxious aboit it. Aboit everything, does this pass... As i thought postpartum hormones calm down after 6 weeks. 8 weeks in it seems some days are worse then before. Any advice is appreciated

Sending all the hugs in this difficult time.

Firstly - It sounds like you're juggling a lot, especially with everything you’ve faced during pregnancy and after giving birth. Feeling like you're stuck in that heavy, clouded space between "I'm supposed to feel better now" and "I’m not okay" can be so draining, especially when you’re trying to mask those feelings 24/7.

You’re not overreacting — your feelings are real, and you have been, and are going, through a lot. Your support system loves you and wants the best for you.

Now,
Post partum depression and anxiety is actually said to peak around 2-3 months. So keep holding out hope that it'll get better.

I would suggest talking to a doctor immediately and also finding someone to be completely open with about this struggle, like your mum and/or your DH.
My DH was really looking forward to being a dad, and it took him a couple of months to finally admit that he felt like he was drowning in the difficulty. We're only 4 months pp, so we are still working on that together. He said just being able to talk to me help, and now I ask him every day how he is going and each week we vent our frustrations and then talk about what has worked and if something needs improving.

I'm not from the UK so not too sure what they have there, but we have a PANDAS hotline for confidential chats about depression and anxiety. There's also free parenting help groups where a parent/s can spend a few days at one of there facilities to work out parenting or baby issues.

And don't think of this baby as a death sentence, a solution can always be found. If you work out a system with your doctor, DH, mum and employer, then give that a few months to see if it works. If worse comes to worse, there are things like temporary (or long term) foster care.

These help lines, respite organisations, etc all exist for a reason - you are not alone and not the first to feel this way.

@MyBusyTurtle thank you for your kind reply that is both understanding my feelings and sound advice. Thanks for listening, all my friends are unmarried and dont have kids and i enjoy their carefree energy and are amazing aunties to my dc, but they just dont understand what i feel and i dont really tell them these things. I hooe to be there for them one day when they are navigating through motherhood.

Although my mum gives me sound advice and has been my rock when it comes to pp and support, she just worries too much and has high blood pressure, so i show her no problems. Its hard to open up to her because her worrying would add to my anxiety.

Although dh is trying in terms of looking making sure i get rest and looking after dd3 at night while i get some time with my mum (live in a very hot country cant do anything until after 5pm) making sure to hire a cleaner or sitter to help with kids and house. We have a major disconnect atm. I guess hes feeling like hes doing all he can but its not good enough and thats not the case. Maybe he is struggling too as hes got alot on his plate at the moment starting a new job but stil having to do handover on his current job. But most days we dont talk because when we do the smallest thing will make me cry, even after pouring my heart out his responses are never good enough as i feel he will never understand. Sucks right now but im the one pushing him away and maybe i need the space, or maybe its the ppd and ppa thats wanting me to isolate.

With doctors i have been to ive never found one thats not eager to prescribe me whatever i want to get me to leave as quick as possible. They take insurance here and we are on a really good plan and i guess they milk it. Makes me doubt what i need and dont need as coming from the uk the nhs is very different and u almost have to be dying for them to take you seriously and prescribe something to you.

As for work im a teacher and im starting at a new school. From experience most of these private schools are toxic and tgeres alot of pressure on teachers to give break their backs as parents pay so much in fees. Im hoping this wont be the case but i feel i need to get out of this house and out of my head. Whether this is the best decision i dont know but im praying it will be okay.

Its crazy you would think im a first time mum but i keep telling myself if i survived as ayoung mum with dc1&2 i will most definitely be ok soon. I hope i get through this, and im glad you said it spikes at 2-3 months pp as i didn't know that. It seems after 6weeks society expects you to thrive and everything is ok... When its not

Your doctor doesn't have to prescribe. They can refer you to the perinatal mental health service, who will work with you until at least 12m post partum. They will have their own doctors.

Get yourself to the doctors and tell them you think you’re suffering from pp depression. I suffered for months and months when my second was born thinking it was just because I was finding a small age gap difficult but when I finally told the doctor how I was feeling she prescribed antidepressants straight away. It took about a fortnight for them to start working but I feel back to normal now.

please please don’t suffer

Im so happy it worked for you @Blissfultiggy what did they prescribe you. I had a really bad reaction to sertraline years ago, night sweats panic attacks etc, everyone told me to push through it but i found it hard to care for my dc at the time who were very young.

I then was given sertraline and mirtazapine in 2024 for a panic attack and insomnia. The sertraline didn't give me any adverse side effects that around but i didnt really feel a difference and stopped after 2 months of taking it. Wasn't really sure if i needed it looking back i just had a panic attack due to worrying about a sick family member, being so far away from everyone makes my anxiety worse. I would take the mirtazapine at night to help me sleep and stopped due to weight gain, i was soooooo hungry each morning. That wouldn't be an option now as i have LO to look after. Im sure there are more options out there I'll try speaking to a dr.

Do speak to the doctor. I had the same after my third (same age differences interestingly). Literally took to my bed. Couldn’t see anyone. Only wanted to sleep. I ended up on medication. Prozac in those days. It’s was the only thing that helped. Took it for six months. Still was able to breast feed. Sometimes it’s just a chemical imbalance that only medication can fix.

@BuffShax im not in the uk and i dont fully know the system here. But its kind of like the american system where i didnt havea midwife i had a OB Gyn deliver the baby. And you see specialist depending on what the problem is instead of gp. So i will see a phyciatric dr for mental health. But i will see what else is available to me

@SilverHammer i thought the age gap would make it a breeze but it seems worse this time idk if its my body somehow starting all over again. I agree with the chemical imbalance and it only being treated by medicine. I'll give it a go but in the past medication only worsened it

What I will say is my third baby was actually the easiest because there was always someone to hold her. She was really loved by her siblings (and a bit spoiled) and because they were older they could help out more. I did feel I was starting all over again though so I do understand.

Also don’t forget you feel worse with medication before you feel better. It takes a good three weeks to kick in and the first week can be brutal. Take one day at a time and get through that first week. Glad you have your mum with you.

@SilverHammer thank you! Yes exactly that she is showered with love by her brothers and everyone else being the only baby in the family for a while. Makes me feel guilty im not soaking it up. I will talk to drs your right it gets better before it gets worse. I often gaslight myself and say what im feeling is normal.

Worse before it gets better *

They prescribed fluoxetine, I haven’t had any noticeable side effects from it.

Hi sorry to hear this OP, I was similar to you in my last pregnancy. Please speak with GP and ask for referral to perinatal team. They're fantastic, I couldn't have done postpartum without them. They'll have their own doctor's and team who will support you whatever you need. I had so much input during that time and it's brilliant. Best of luck x

I just broke down into tears today after spending the whole day in bed only caring for baby. Mum took her down and then my husband took over, i literally spent the whole day in bed.

My mum kindly asked if i could take her to run errands tommorow if im up to it. I can never say no to her seeing as shes flying out on Saturday and i could do with fresh air. She told me she doesn't need said items but someone else does. I snapped and said they were very inconsiderate. My mum said nothing other than she will take a taxi.

I took the baby upstairs and broke down in tears. Finding it hard to stop crying. Tmi but AF came yesterday and ive been having to change clothing despite changing pad every hour. It's heavy. Im not getting any better, i thought this was hormones but its clearly a full blown depression.

Feeling worse than ever.

Getting medication fast as possible