Don't want to be me anymore

[choresnomore]

I've name changed because I'm going to sound like a real cow here.

I'm a lone parent and I think I've lost the will to do it anymore. I've got lots of children, more than 4, and I've been doing the same old stuff for 22 years.

Been on my own for 5 years. The dc's never help with chores. Maybe three chores between the lot of them, per week, if I am lucky.

I've got a big house and you could literally fill a skip with all the sh*t (clothes, crips packets, bottles, etc) that lie around on the floors. I tried hard when I first was on my own, but now I just can't be bothered, because I know if I tidy it, it will all happen again tomorrow. Haven't got the energy anymore.

I work part time, and also study for a college course. I also have a dp who doesn't live with me, so I have to fit him into my schedule too (does that sound awful?)

Basically I feel as though I have just detached from everything. I can't keep up with it all, so I have just let everything go, emotionally, so I don't feel guilty about it.

I feel such a failure. Especially seeing as xdp is superdad with his holidays and presents, whilst I live below the breadline.

Does anyone ever feel similar? I know I sound awful. I have just been prescribed prozac and I'm hoping that will help.

I only have 2 children and I can identify with a lot of what you say. Looking after children is just so relentless. I am sure someone more helpful will be along soon, but you are not alone.

You don't sound like a cow at all! It's tough being a mum. I only have one child but even I find it so hard to keep the house clean, cook, and look after ds, do the washing, get the shopping, take ds out and about.

I sympathise. I would start by maybe encouraging/ getting the kids to help more if possible.

You are not a failure. It's just hard, especially if you are on your own and work aswell as doing a college course.

Hoping the medication helps. x

Are any of the kids of an age where they can understand how you feel? I would tell them, they need to know what doing all of this alone is doing to you. (Trust me it will make them better people). If they are not then do you have a ny kind of support network you can lean on till you are back on your feet??? Where are you????

Are you still here????? Are you ok>?????

Sorry. I'm fine thank you, Singyswife.

Thank you for your replies, girls, and for not telling me I'm useless

Children always used to do chores when dh lived here, but it all kind of went to pot when he left. He was such a bully over chores, and in general, I felt a bit relieved for them when he left and let their chores slide a bit. I really can't be bothered nagging, moaning, and pleading with them to take their turn now though. Everything is done so grudgingly. Infact, the only way they ever take me seriously is when I shout so loud I nearly blow my own head off. Then they know I've had enough and they scurry around being helpful. But why should it have to be like that? That just makes me feel like a bully.

I think I will talk to my older children. They are in their late teens. My youngest is 10. Probably too young to be told mum has had enough. But the others will tell him anyway if I don't. Perhaps I could call a house meeting? I always say that and don't do it. I just sit here and stare into space, which is pathetic.

Action requires energy and I haven't got any anymore. Oh. Don't I sound sorry for myself. Sorry. I'm going to make myself wash up and stop being ridiculous. Thank you for talking to me.

I was going to start a similar thread, just LIVING exhausts me, and the detached thing, ive been detached so long Id forgotten I was till I saw it in your post
I am slowly going round my house again and again decluttering TRYING to keep on top of the shit and its makes me weep sometimes.
IT IS RELENTLESS.
I work for myself from home and have stacks of shit to do and I cant find enough hours. I am meant to Study but barely get myself to class
I only have 2 children but Good God I know how you feel.

Do you want to do a drawer at a time, a cupboard or a box of shit a day with me? I feel its the only way to go is to LIMIT.
And ive got a bin in each room and I am bribing with cash for them to use them..

Huge sigh...its relentless.

oh charliecat and OP so sorry.

I just think living with children can be the worst flippin thing for mental health although god knows we love them.

We need help, social support, and it just ain't there. I really believe that thing now about it taking a village (or a superwoman) to raise a child.

I would love to go a drawer a day, Charliecat. Great idea, thank you. I'm barely ever in class either by the way. I thank God for understanding tutors. Mine have been amazing.

Limecrush, I was just reading your post. My thoughts are with you. Maybe just a darned father to help raise the child might help lol. I was in court because my children were truanting a lot when he first left home, and all I could think was "why isn't he standing here alongside me? They're his kids too".

But that's a whole other thread!

Ive spent the morning thinking about whether to start big(huge cupboard in kitchen full of crap, mostly not needed) Or small, the little box of crud in my room. Hmmm.
Sounds like you have had it rough.
Let xp be superdad, it just burns into concrete that it really is you that does all the hard work, the stuff that HAS to be done wihile he lives in a fantasy world of THE NICE BITS only.
Grr

Yeah, there's no point thinking about the injustice of it all. It just brings me lower, and doesn't make xh spontaneoulsy combust, so I may as well give it up.

I have two kitchen cupboards full of crap!

Right, this is ma plan ... my big girls made an awful mess of my room when they were decorating theirs. They can move all their old stuff from my room, and put it in car boot ready for tip. Meanwhile, I will do one of the kitchen cupboards (at least one shelf, anyway).

Focusing small is a brilliant idea. I always look at the big picture and sink under the weight. I will report back. Good luck with your mission CC!!

Good good. I am just clearing the kitchen ...cant get to the bloody cubboard yet I will, after that do the huge job, or maybe the small, still undecided yet!
We have a plan!

I couldn't be bothered swapping anymore, and let's face it, if you're brave enough to post about yourself then so should I be.

So, in Scooby Doo style revelation, Choresnomore is littlewoman. Whoopee fuck

Charliecat, don't hit me. My daughter has got the flu, and so I didn't get round to any of my grand plans. I hope I didn't make you clean a cupboard for nothing.

Feel well guilty now

Actually, I feel so guilty, I'm going to pull a drawer of stuff over here and sort through it as I surf MN. What's the betting I throw away all the birth certificates by mistake?

Littlewoman/ choresno more - please dont feel the way u do, im having issues just bringing up one child - i often question my abilities as a mum ( usually late at night when i wake up in the early hours!) I have had depression since i was 15 - so around 13 yrs now . I have had times when i thought that i didn't want to go on, also i am constantly questioning my worth both as a person and as a mother. If you have been bringing up ur kids for so long, you sud be very proud of yourself. Your xdp may be able to provide hols and present for ur kids, but ur the one who has offered them a stable home, never forget that because that the thing that matters .

LW

will come back tomorrow when I have more time (am off work this week but have my parents staying) but in a nutshell yes yes yes can identify with everything you are saying.

Feel my life is such a relentless f**ing grind.

I joke and say I am gettng my airport cleaner brush and dustpan out again where I go over the floor sweeping up mess including sweet wrappers etc.

I am pissed off with continually loading the dishwasher and can't keep up with endless washing, drying and folding.

And I am not a wifey. housproudy type of woman either. I do not iron and also have a cleaner every other week.

Yet still it is grindingly awful just like groundhog day.

I am citylover btw

xx

PS

My DS2s chest of drawers has sort of collapsed and I tried to get the drawers back in the other day so they pull in and out but they won't so it is completely useless.

But he wants to keep it because of the stickers on it and everytime I talk about gettng a new one he cries and says the stickers won't transfer (he is only 6)

At one level does it matter but at another it does not do the job it was meant for.

I also have my parents here for two days from dullsville who like nothing better than to point out every tiny problem with the house ( which I am renting) which makes me feel like a complete incompetent fool.

Clearly I am not as otherwise we would not function on a day to day basis.

Thank you all for replying girls.

SS, even one child is hard because they don't have others to play with and you must entertain them all the time, mustn't you?

CL, I've spoken to you a few times and you've never struck me as anything but lovely, certainly not incompetent. Mum and dad can criticise the house, but that is no reflection on you, as you are doing your best in adverse circumstances.
I so sympathise about the drawers. Had a similar situation with a portable TV that didn't work, but it had little sticker-sized photos all over it, so it had to stay

I feel a bit better today actually. I wonder if it's when the sun comes out, or just speaking to others about it that helps?

Problem shared probably feels a lot lighter on your shoulders
I have cleared through little mountains of clutter since last logging on..I didnt QUITE get to that cupboard but am now sitting in a tidy house, grubby but tidy.
My bedroom box has GROWN. And its sitting RIGHT next to me. Must do, Must do.
Had an extra 2 kids for the past few days and nagged them this morning into tidying up all their crap.
Kept hearing, well I didnt get it out, it wasnt me, bla bla.
Sigh, managed not to shriek, well it certanly wasnt BLOODY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!