I thunk I have burn out

[IncessantNameChanger]

Three of my kids have SEN. I have always thought since their diagnosis that I have ASD too but can't see the point I getting a diagnosis. Recently I have has so much stress, mainly around the kids diagnosis that I have started to cope worse.

I'm ticking every box for Autistic burnout and am pretty sure I had a mental health break down two years ago when my mum died. Thing is I cope so well outwardly no one else sees this except very close friends.

I have been reffered to MH socail care twice but never quite criteria. If I keep going I don't meet criteria but I have no choice but too cope.

Everything is too much for me right now. I showed dh the list of symptoms and he just said nothing. I spend every moment I can in bed. I'm exhausted.

@IncessantNameChanger Sending you a big virtual hug, I've been there. What helped me was trying to focus on small things that gave me some type of small joy, really small simple things. Another thing that (strangely) comforted me as well was the thought that these feelings of utter exhaustion and overwhelm (and numbness in my case) are in the end just chemical reactions in my brain and as such able to change. I tried to hold on to this thought while looking after my body like I would try to maintain a car, fuelling it with healthy food, a bit of movement, a bit of rest and not expecting anything from it. Over time this has helped me and I feel in a much better place now. I don't know if any of this soothes you but please know that you're not alone in feeling the way you do, parenting SEN children is hard. Take good care of yourself

Thank you. I don't take joy in anything any more. We are going on a rare holiday abroad next week and I'm normally packed with a list etc..I can't face it. Spending time on my hobby is a chore, seeing my friends is a chore. I just want to sleep.

My daughter has had a incredibly hard 18 months, almost being expelled so I'm about to start the process to get her into a secondary school. Schools are named until Feb. If any of then say they can meet need I just need to survive until then. Then I might start to recover.

Thing is, outwardly I cope so no one notices. Everyone tells me I cope amazingly. No one seems to notice when I don't. I'm like a washing machine I guess. Just serving my purpose.

I have cleaned the bathroom in over a month, don't change the beds, don't change my clothes. No one even notices. I'm a bit of a hoarder by nature so I have been decluttering my house for years. Maybe that's why as to the outside the house is much tidier than last year.

I can't seem to think anymore "right Monday I change the beds and clean the bathroom". I just can't do it at all.

I need a simple list to follow but I can't even write one

Honestly this would burn anyone out NT or ND. I remember when DD was little, I would get her ready for nursery Dh would take her and I would go straight to bed and sleep until it was time to pick her up again, this went on for months. Sometimes your body and your brain is screaming at you to take a rest. No-one knew thats what I was doing, I was outwardly as happy and cheerful as usual.

Can you get a cleaner?

We have just had a spring clean cleaner actually which isn't something I have done for years. I'm too embarrassed to have her upstairs. Only to clean the bathroom. Maybe I need to make this a regular thing. To try to stay on top of things.

I need to get my dh onto more things. He is good but he has to be asked. A then it's got to be spelt out. What he isn't goid at is listening when I say I'm broken. He thinks I will be OK once I'm on holiday. I won't be OK until the thousands of responsibilities are done.

It's got the point where even small things feel unsurmountable. I flip out over tiny things. Eg my disabled son has been waiting just over four years for a ADHD diagnosis via disability team. Whereas my dd was seen within 9 months via right to choose. I got her assessment date, wrote a complaint email for ds then immediately flipped out and complained. There's no fuse left. But for anything.

I need to get down to the MH crisis hub really to talk and feel validated and heard. But too tired to drive there. There's no help. But I just need permission to feel this. So fed up of people saying how amazingly I cope.