Am I burning out?

[Junebugjane]

Not really sure why I’m posting but maybe I am looking for others who may be feeling similar.

i have two young kids under 4 years old I work part time as a nurse. Recently I have been wondering if I have some adhd/ autistic traits going on. Work is stressful but I’m only there 18 hours a week but it’s relentless when I am there. The last week has been hard and I suddenly feel like I can’t continue.. I feel like I have no energy I can barely interact with my kids, I feel on a constant cycle of cleaning/ cooking/ laundry/work/kids but never actually achieving anything. My body has just stopped today I feel a fatigue that I have never felt before and I am scared I am seriously ill. I am married and my husband is a great dad/ husband and takes his share of the work yet I still feel like this! I have cut myself off from friends/ social situations as it all makes me feel worse.. I have no interest or joy in anything anymore. Why am I failing so badly.. I don’t know what to do anymore. Do others ever feel similar?

Yes, you sound burnt out. Very common in nurses, do you have a wellbeing team?
You have a few choices:

1. carry on as you are, working and childcare - you posting here shows this is not a good option.

2.Take one week off sick self certified, take things one day at a time. When you do your return to work, mark it as stress/burnout and speak to your manager about support they can offer

3.Seek professional help, does your hospital have a wellbeing team, occupational health may be of help make a GP appointment, speak to health visitor etc.

2 and 3 can be done together but if you're not ready for 3, you could start with 2.

Also, speak to your husband about how you feel, show him this if you haven't allredy.

Thank you that is all good advice :) taking a week off at the moment feels impossible as my colleague has been signed off long term following a bad diagnosis.. it’s why work has been busier than usual. To go off now would put other members of the team under extreme pressure.. I think knowing this is adding to what I am feeling. I agree I need professional help, I also know all the things I need to do to feel better, sometimes it feels impossible to do them. I wish I was a better/ stronger person. Thank you for replying x

Is 18 Hours, 3 6 hour shifts a week. You are not failing. I have been similar in the past. I'm a Radiographer and know the feeling of not wanting to let colleges down. However, in another sector, someone would cover long term sick but they're really trying to cut agency staff, who would be ideal in that situation. What I'm trying to say is it's management's responsibility, not yours to make sure there's enough staff, and by being off with burnout for a week you could be helping in the long run when senior management looks at sickness statistics, and focus on reducing burnout cases. It's probably worth seeing a GP on the day you're off, because they'll probably sign you off and validate you taking a break. Also then you could have a more constructive return to work meeting. And don't think your not working hard because your part time. I'm part time with 2 small children, and the balence is hard work.

Another idea, maybe health visitor could suggest a suitable small group to help your social life and connecting with your child. These are things I wish someone had told me what my youngest was around a year and i was back at work but very unmotivated and yet to really bond with my second.

Yes three days a week.. so early start, drop kids off at expensive day care finish at 2.. collect them- tired, grumpy, hungry to then keep going until bedtime! It surely shouldn’t be so hard yet it feels it! Knowing that these are the ‘best years’ and feeling so disconnected from them and life makes me feel unbelievably sad..

I think the nhs rely on the goodwill of staff don’t they and the reality is that they likely won’t get agency staff and the burden falls on current staff to fill the gaps. I’m sorry you have also felt a similar way in the past.. I geuss I wil take from that that maybe it gets easier/ better. I was very good at socialising with my eldest but it’s totally overwhelming this time round.. I’m also wondering if I have some perimenopause/ pmdd type symptoms as I notice it’s cyclical too! Such joy in being a woman sometimes hey! I wish it didn’t have to be like this! Thank you for taking the time to reply :)

I have no answers, just want to show solidarity. I have one 2.5yo DC, work FT, shoulder the mental load. DP is very hands on with DC but we have different standards in the house which leads me to feel very resentful sometimes (some jobs they do a lot, others they never do). My job is currently very stressful due to various people and workload factors and I constantly feel like I’m treading water and about to go under. It’s so hard, I have no energy for anything, am exhausted all the time and really have to push myself to enjoy the weekends and get out with DC. Life very much feels like a hamster wheel at the moment and I can’t wait for things to calm down. Annual leave is spent recovering but any benefit feels short lived once I’m back at work.

Maybe there are no answers it’s just nice to know that feeling this way isn’t totally unusual.. many of my friends seem to thrive in motherhood or at least rarely talk about the bad days. Working ft must be hard.. it’s so hard to get the balance right and it’s not always a choice.. I thought being at work would be a welcome break from just being a mum but it’s not like you stop being a mum ever, even at work.. the mental load never ends even with the best partners in the world it ultimately falls to you as the mum I think! And totally get the different standards thing 😂 I hope things calm down for you soon x

Yes, I'd say I'm in a good place. Constantly exhausted though since having my second but much happier this past year (youngest is nearly 3). I am dropping some hours in September though, to try and get a better balance. I also was much more sociable with one kid. I suspect some neurodiverse myself, by brother is.