Does anyone else feel as though other people constantly let them down

[Feelingletdown]

I am just so sick of making an effort with people just for them to let me down. I belieive I am a nice person, a good listener, reliable, considerate and enjoy having a laugh but I am getting to the stage where I am thinking there must be something seriously wrong with me

I have lived in the same city for 5 years now and don't have many, if any, friends . I am working full time but before I started working I made lots of effort at the school gates. I made friends with one mum and we have been out a couple of times with our DD's but I texted her yesterday to ask if she wanted to meet again and she never replied. I also phoned an old work colleague who again, I have met up with a couple of times and is now about 5 month pg. I haven't heard from her in a while and when we spoke I suggested meeting. In one breath she said she was too busy then in another said she doesn't do anything / go anywhere anymore because of her pg. When I suggested I come to see her at her house she said her house was too messy, even when I said I was coming to see her not her house. She could not have made it any more obvious she did not want to meet. I was feeling a bit despondant by this point so I called 2 of my so called good friends on their mobiles and they didn't pick up and have still not returned my call despite me leaving a message. I have also been let down before by other people who just stop returning my calls.

I have been going round and round in my head in circles trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I have even wondered if I smell or something, but I can't think of one reason why people don't want to be my friend unless I am seriously boring. I suppose I must be .

I have recently made a lovely new mate but am now really wary of meeting up with her as I am so scared she will do the same thing. I just can't be rejected anymore. I think I now have 1 really good friend left and 2 friends who I am not so close with and don't see as much. I just feel so sad as I had so many mates when I was younger so why not now?

Does anyone else find as they get older they get let down often or is it really just me?

I think this is very common feeling especially among those of us who are depressed - I know you don't say you are, but it is a common theme. I have been working with this with my counsellor, as much of what you describe could have been me at several times. I think what helped me most was to try and see that people often have issues which are not connected with you but if you are sympathetic etc they feel more able to use you as a sponge or punchbag. Try to act as if you don't mind when they do this, and next time you contact someone, try really hard to seem light and cheery even if you are seething underneath - sometimes this prompts people to be more friendly in return. I am sure you are a lovely person and not at all boring.

Thanks. The thing is I have always been there for others - as some of my friends have said in the past, they really couldn't ask for a better friend, but I just feel I am always there for others and no-one is really there for me.

Don't get me wrong, some of my friends have been through absolute hell and I know its not all about me, but then so have I and when yet another conversation ends with out someone even asking how I am I feel so . I never say anything either and I know that I really should.

I have been through sexual abuse and I built up the courage to tell one of my friends years ago, yet she "forgot" I had told her and despite me dropping hints that I want to talk to her she has never once really been there for me despite me moving heaven and earth to be there for her when she was going through DV.

I don't feel depressed as such but I am a lot more emotional than I used to be and cry over things I read / on the telly etc a lot. I never used to be like this

I am so sorry your generosity hasn't been reciprocated. I feel for you, as I have felt the same so often. I to have shared horrible things which have never been met with sympathy,

Message withdrawn

Yes, I need a friend too!

Seriously, I have felt the same as you before now. It is difficult to remember that everyone is juggling priorities with work and children etc. Just try not to take these things personally. I don't like people coming to see me when my house is messy (it almost always is)

You are all so kind. Why can't you all live near me . Do you think this is just a sad part of getting older then?

If you are on the verge of becoming depressed, which it sounds as though you may be, you can come across to other people as needy, desperate and whiny, which means they back off, particularly if they have difficulties or problems themselves. If you are feeling really bad, then it might be worth talking to your GP and finding out if you can get some counselling.

Madamez - I know you mean well but I can assure you I do not come across in that way at all. Especially whiny. I make a point of always being upbeat and it has been commented on numerous times on how "happy and easygoing" I am. Perhaps that is my problem - people assume I am fine because this is how I act, even when I am not. Maybe I need to start showing my own vulnerabilities rather than always being the one who is there for other people.

I think it's very common behaviour, letting other people down. In fact, it's my experience of most people. But there are certain people who are diamonds, and I hope you find a friend who is as giving as you are. There are some nice ones out there.

sometimes I wonder if supporting people at their worst means they associate you with the bad times, and so when things improve they shy away a bit as they have been so open with you.

I really identify with some of what you put. but try not to read too much in people being slow to respond on bank holiday weekend btw.