When does it get better?

[Rosiebun]

I’m currently really struggling mentally. I’m a new mum to an 8 week old baby girl, which I’m struggling with but that is a topic for another thread.

My issue is I just feel so, so fed up of my mental health. I’m 30 and I feel like for as long as I can remember, I’ve been depressed and anxious. Even from being a kid. My parents will disagree, they’ll say “no you were such a happy kid”, but I remember it completely differently. I didn’t have a bad upbringing or anything, but a string of unfortunate events such as being bullied at school, toxic friends, abusive past relationships have meant I’ve spent the majority of my adult life on various different antidepressants, in and out of therapy, struggled with self esteem, struggled with insomnia, the list goes on.

I know the fact I’m postpartum and my hormones are all over the place won’t be helping, but honestly I just feel so deflated. I have a GP appointment next week to discuss alternate medication, but I’m just so fed up of it. I don’t want to try different medication, I don’t want to take medication at all. I’ve been on it since I was 18, I just want to live a normal life, medication free. I don’t want to be depressed. I want to be a good mum. I want to feel happy. When will it get better? ❤️‍🩹

@Rosiebun sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. Having a young baby is so tough. You are a good mum.

I think talking to your GP is a good idea. See what they suggest and explain your concerns re the medication.

How are you today @Rosiebun?

Do you have support in real life? A partner or family/friends who live nearby. Any local parent groups? Please be kind to yourself, having a young baby is so tough.

I had post natal mental health issues after I had my teenage kids and have been off and on various medications ever since. I have also had some therapy.

I really want to be a good mum, be happy, be normal, and not be on medication too.

For a lot of people this is achievable and just because you might make the choice to go on a new medication at the moment doesn't mean you will always be on medication, it can be temporary to help get yourself back on track.

I am finally accepting that this might not be the case for me though. I am currently going back on medication again. This time I am trying to make peace with the fact that I am going to have to compromise on the being on medication long term part. But if that is what it takes to get me to a place of being a happy, normal, good mum for the longer term maybe that is okay too?

@Pineappledancer I’m feeling much the same, although had an ok nights sleep last night with the baby only waking twice.

I do have a supportive partner yes, but he doesn’t quite understand what I’m going through as he has never struggled with his mental health. So whilst he is supportive and will listen to me when I express how I feel, I dont think he knows what to say a lot of the time. Which isn’t his fault. My family are the same really.

i know, you are right, i do need a mindset shift. I just find it all so exhausting and I’m fed up of it. I’d give anything to just feel ‘normal’.

I’m sorry to hear you are still struggling. Do you mind me asking what medication you are taking?

@Rosiebun it's good your partner is supportive although you are right that nobody else can really understand fully what it is like.

I'm not saying you should necessarily give up on the idea of being medication free long term, just to be open to the idea that medication might be a good option for you at moment.

I have been on various doses of Sertraline and Fluoxetine over the years and am now just starting on escitalopram.

I have had many lengthy spells of being well over the years, then I have a difficult patch again and need to up my dose. I then get scared when I get on the max dose and decided just to come off of them. I usually last a while but eventually it catches up with me. Last time was out of the blue, but this time it was a stressful life event. I am trying to learn from my mistakes.

What about you? What medication have you tried and how did you find it?