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Admin procrastinators anonymous

9 replies

roxyfoxy123 · 03/07/2025 14:17

Hello all!

I am ostensibly “high achieving” but suffer from chronic procrastination with admin (I could blame on adhd, dyslexia or whatever), but the fact remains STUFF NEEDS DOING. I used to throw bank statements to the back of my wardrobe, forget to return items and get fined for late tax returns. Please don’t judge me, as no one is perfect and this is somehow deeply shameless as I can only say it bores me witless, give me an essay to write on Proust any day.. (yes I realise I am likely intellectually arrogant!).

I need checklist, systems and hacks for household, admin and new partner and teenage step children, I have a chronic health condition / autoimmune issue, elderly sick parents overseas, FIL with dementia and have had to resign as President of a non profit and my business due to health burnout.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 03/07/2025 18:05

Are you venting or are you looking to change?

roxyfoxy123 · 03/07/2025 18:05

Change. Always.

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 03/07/2025 18:15

OK. Have you always been like this - did you do school/uni work at the last minute or is it only since you've been adulting? What do you think (precisely, if you can) when you are faced with paperwork – and is it just paperwork or is it life in general that's overwhelming you?

roxyfoxy123 · 03/07/2025 19:17

I have always been last minute and it gets more and more extreme and I don’t think I have ever successfully adulted. I am paralysed with fear with paperwork, numeracy and life to some degree in general. Meds,
hospital stay for 2 month on psych ward and therapy has not helped. I need painting by numbers somehow but I know I am not dim (top of class, worked in city etc)

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 03/07/2025 19:44

I am paralysed with fear with paperwork, numeracy and life to some degree in general

That's interesting (to me, appreciate it's not for you). What's the thought process behind that paralysis? Can you see when and why this began?

roxyfoxy123 · 03/07/2025 20:49

I have picked over this in therapy and suspect it has to do with historical childhood abuse and self sabotage. I know all the therapy speak but cannot effectuate change!

OP posts:
FloraBotticelli · 03/07/2025 21:07

Hmm so some thoughts, take/leave what you like and happy to chat more as have recovered from childhood trauma and used to be scatty/overwhelmed with stuff like this!

You probably need ‘systems not goals’. Little routines that you do regularly that help you stay on track. That could be weekly/monthly time to sit down and do your finances. Weekly half hour for random admin tasks etc. Life admin really doesn’t take long when you do it regularly. Don’t feel you have to tackle it all at once. See if you can make it a habit to do a few bits weekly. Set a reminder on your phone.

Start a to do list on your phone and add to it whenever you remember things.

Self sabotage is actually self-protection - you might be protecting yourself from feeling difficult things. Do you procrastinate? Procrastination can be a way to avoid difficult feelings. If we don’t do the task, the feelings don’t come up. So it’s really avoidance of feelings. Dr David Maloney is great on procrastination - he’s a trauma informed psychotherapist on YouTube. And it can be avoidance of good feelings linked to the past too - eg ‘if I do this task I’ll be acing life and then I’ll outshine sibling/parent and they’ll be mad at me’.

it could be that:
Facing the tasks = facing the feelings = awareness and processing of the feelings = recovery/healing

so there could be massive positive payoffs for you if you can try little tasks, explore what feelings come up and repeat. Baby steps.

Before you need to do a task that you keep putting off, you could try journalling. Some questions to think about - What are you afraid of? What feelings do you worry will come up if you start doing the task? Are you afraid of interacting with people to get the task done? Etc.

Practically, it might help to shift your thinking into gamification too. Detach a bit from the fact that these are your finances, your tasks, that there’s consequences for you etc, and turn it all into a game instead. Set up spreadsheets for tracking money and tick off teeny goals and to do lists. Find the dopamine hit from filling in a spreadsheet or whatever method floats your boat.

Do you have skills from work that you can harness for home? Eg can you set up a spreadsheet, manage a small project? Could you view your home life as a mini work task and think about how you’d tackle it if you were being paid to do a job?

roxyfoxy123 · 03/07/2025 21:50

Bless your heart. You have literally made my month by your kindness and time which you took to write this to me. Really, I am so touched and shall read out aloud to my BF when he gets home. Thank you. I shall meditate on “systems vs goals” today and re read your safe pints tomorrow and action! Thanks a million
hugs to you

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 03/07/2025 21:51

roxyfoxy123 · 03/07/2025 20:49

I have picked over this in therapy and suspect it has to do with historical childhood abuse and self sabotage. I know all the therapy speak but cannot effectuate change!

Sadly that's too often the case - most problems in adulthood are rooted in childhood. The problem with most talking therapies is that they are on a superficial, rational level, if problems could be solved with logic then they'd be no need for therapy!

The issues lie in the subconscious mind - those 'parts' of you that developed coping strategies when you were younger that helped then but are hindering you now.

An example. Imagine if the crutches that were absolutely vital to your mobility for the weeks when your broken leg was in plaster then became a permanent fixture in your life - you had to carry them everywhere just in case you needed then.

If this resonates there's loads of other examples and info on my AMA.

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