Therapy and transference/counter-transference.

[aredrosegrewup]

I'm looking for different opinions because I don't really have anyone in real life to bounce this off.

Long story short, I've been in therapy for a few months for different reasons. I like my therapist and have not had any issues. I personally find it difficult to open up to people for various reasons and it's taken me a while to get more comfortable in sessions, it's happening slowly but surely.

So far I am unable to cry in sessions and I feel like I need to, to connect on that deeper level and process/feel/connect to the issues we are working on.

Recently, whilst talking to my psychologist in session she became emotional and shed a few tears. She was very much in control of the situation and at no point did I feel like I was comforting her etc... she explained that she was feeling sad for me/because of what I was saying and that it was transference.

The rest of the session continued as normal and we continued to book in further sessions etc...

I really just wanted opinions. I don't feel negatively about it, if anything I felt really seen and understood and although I couldn't be more vulnerable directly in the moment, later that night I did feel emotional.

It makes me feel that when I go to my next session, I feel a bit safer opening up. I don't feel like "even my therapist was upset so it must be bad" but one of the struggles I'm having is allowing myself permission to feel certain ways about a certain thing (I'm trying to be intentionally vague).

Thank you for reading!

Anyone? :-)

I don’t think I’d be comfortable with that. Therapists/ counsellors are supposed to listen actively and be objective, professional and non judgmental. In my opinion transference is not an excuse, she should have the awareness, insight and ability to manage her emotions.

Thanks for replying. I've read conflicting things online and she did really have it under control. I guess the important thing is probably how it affected me and currently it doesn't feel negative.

My NHS clinical psychologist once cried in one of my sessions when I told her something had improved for me. I just felt really touched that she cared that much about my welfare.
I think it would be different if it happened more than once though

It’s totally inappropriate OP. She was unable to regulate her own emotions in the therapeutic space and rather than focusing on making it somewhere you can cry, she released her own emotions. A big red flag as far as I’m concerned.

Hey, therapist here. So if she said she felt like she was experiencing countertransference, then she was likely experiencing the emotion of the hurt part of you that wanted to cry, that you were unconsciously projecting onto her. Would that make sense for you? It's really not a bad thing if it made you feel seen and understood.

That completely makes sense! She said transference rather than counter transference but she could have just been shortening the explanation. The way you've described it there is exactly what it was I think... I was unable to display any emotion at all. Would you mind explaining how I was unconsciously projecting onto her? I understand the counter part but the first bit is the bit im more confused with. I will obviously discuss this with her again. It was an intense discussion at the time, I don't want to be too outing.

Just to add, it made me maybe start to understand that it's ok to feel the way I've stopped myself from feeling and that to display certain emotions and feelings about this particular thing is appropriate and expected. But I havent allowed it properly.

I think I feel touched too and seen. Like there was a real, genuine sense of empathy but it didn't detract from me at all in the session.

Therapist here. I would focus on how that made you feel - seen and understood. That’s the most important thing. Sometimes as clients we are so used to our own story, that it can be helpful to see someone else’s response to it. Your therapist is another human alongside you in your distress. If she was releasing her distress, that’s different, but you are describing a compassionate empathetic response which you found validating, and now feel safer in her presence. She sounds like a great therapist to me.

Exactly, and this is why she deliberately brought her reaction into the room and allowed you to see it, rather than concealing it. I've got to shoot off just now but I will return later and try and answer your previous question. But don't worry, not inappropriate at all, it's all part of the therapy.

Thank you for replying. Yes, this is how it feels. Thete was no evidence of distress on her part, just genuine sadness.

Thanks for replying. It genuinely didn't feel like that, it felt very authentic and empathetic. I think by doing that she has opened up that space for me to feel safer and a deeper connection.