high functioning anxiety i cant relax

[rosydreams]

I constantly feel like to need to be doing something ,to plan, to make sure everything in the home is taken care of ,to remove all worry's. But constantly have to stop think remember not to control your children. Another worry, controlling the narrative of life can be comforting but kids need room to grow you cant control them .

There's so much i want to do i like planning but also know this is part and parcel of a bigger problem. Over prepared what else have i missed but my minds a mess its hard to focus. So its a ball of hell my worrying is causing my issues.

But i cant just sit down and chill o no my chest starts getting tight and my back feels like its twisting

The other day i took care of our three kids, cooked dinner from scratch and scrubbed the fridge. I couldn't sit still just a hour of very busy which has led to more back pain.

I need to rest so i can clean but i cant clean properly if i am in pain so it will look awful .If its not perfect it will drive me nuts but if i try to do it perfect i will end up causing myself pain in my back or somewhere else.Then i will be stuck on my butt

It just feels like a vicious cycle i am not sure how i can relax

Somewhere along the line you've learnt/absorbed/been told that your value is based on your achievements or how hard you work, so you strive to prove (mainly to yourself) that you're a good person because you clean everything and do your best to keep everyone safe – in the same way that some people think that they have to be beautiful to be loved. This isn't true.

It is possible to change the way you think when the old ways, possibly the ones you learnt when you were growing up, aren't working for you anymore.

its more so every time i didn't clean properly as a child i would get the belt or hocky stick or what else she could grab. I don't like cleaning because of this but it drives me nuts seeing dirt. So i hate cleaning but i cant stand dirt either lol

As a child if i acted like a child messed around played or did anything wrong my mother would lose her temper.

i spent so much time in a fight or flight mode because my mothers temper that being still not having to worry about anything is weird. My mothers been dead 20 years and still haunts me. I have a good life with good people my life has just the usual hardships but on good days i cant relax .I cant go to the beach and just chill ,i feel like i am doing something wrong

i know i dont need to be good at anything just do my best but how the heck do i relax

Your thought patterns - the ones you were forced to adopt to keep you safe from your mother all those years ago - are still operating and will do until they know they can stand down; they're not trying to hurt you but to protect you. Lots of info on my AMA on how the mind works.

Reading this honestly felt like someone had taken a page out of my own thoughts. That constant urge to do more, fix everything, make it all “just right” I know how exhausting and relentless that cycle is. The pressure to be in control, to keep everything from falling apart, it doesn’t leave any room to just breathe, does it?

I used to think if I could just get everything done perfectly, I’d finally feel calm… but instead, I was burning myself out and making the anxiety worse. It took me a while to realize that the need to “control” everything was actually a response to deeper overwhelm not a solution to it.

I’ve started doing a few things that helped me break the cycle bit by bit. It’s still a work in progress, but now I can sit and rest without my chest tightening up every single time.

@Mariadeve thing is, there's no such thing as perfect, there's always something that could be even ever-so-slightly better.

That's why a happy perfectionist is rarer than a candy-stripped unicorn!

I am still thinking you know if i got a old toothbrush there's parts of the fridge i could get clean with that.

Your right about burn out if i go all out cleaning i will clean till i am hurting. What's worst is my stiff leg ,the muscle will twist up if i over stress it. Then there's the mental burnout as well

whats really funny the one thing that i can relax with is when the cat sits on my lap .I used to have a chocolate point Siamese that would sit on my chest and purr .It was the most chill i felt so i got a another oriental ,i could only afford a ebony oriental .What i didn't realize was not all oriental cats are the same while chocolate points are chill ,ebony Oriental's are buttholes. He loves being petted stoked but not being held and if you cross him he will nip your ankles =p .Thankfully he does sometimes sit next to me in my armchair for chill time lol

and your right no truer words have been spoken