29F. Long story short. My older brother (2 years older) has shown some verbal domestic abusive traits in the past when I lived with him. I have since moved out and after 4 years, I still don’t think he has changed. During the time when I lived with him (23 at the time and during covid), he had a camera at one point positioned at the door of his room. When anyone leaves the flat, you have to walk past his room to get to main door. I once went out to see my bf without knowing this, made me v uncomfortable. He questioned me about it where I was going. He would ask me things like, where are you going? How long will you be out? Who are you seeing? Which feels mundane but the vibe was off. Almost interrogating me. He was not happy about the way I do laundry and the food I cooked him, said it tasted blend and was cooked without passion. He once’s kicked me out of the house because I lit a Yankee candle (got for Christmas from my BF’s mum). He throw all my candles in a bin and bag and told me to get out at 11pm. I left and got on the train to stay somewhere. He didn’t call me afterwards to check if I was ok, my parents knew bc I told them. I had enough and moved out. Since then, our relationship was never the same. Keep pleasant to avoid stress with drama but always sort of surface talk.
Fast forward to present day. Both earning roughly the same. Both professional. Living in different cities. I bought my own place. He’s still like this. Home for his birthday today and ended up arguing loudly and I was crying. He was bragging about how he got laid off and got another job in 3 weeks and how he had faith. I agree but the vibe was so ‘listen to me, look at me, I’m awesome, listen to my story and learn something’. When I ask him questions, he would say don’t ask stupid questions, and don’t be a drama queen.m. He said I wasn’t listening to him, and that that’s a problem I have. The whole conversation was gradually insulting to me… I got up and said I had enough, don’t speak to me that way. He blew up and I blew up. My dad ended up saying I’ve been off and my brother was like yes exactly you’ve been off and weird since Tuesday this week.
background:
Tuesday we went to an celebration event and I had a great day. My dad had car trouble and I had to drive everyone home (I stay 60 miles away ) and lots of back and forth with AA and who’s going where… anyway, my dad scratched my alloys when parking when he was mad about his car and AA hassle. i was obviously annoyed but I kept quiet and sucked it in but I was obviously annoyed. They had to decent to say I’ve been moody and being a woman… I said you scratched my wheel alloys, ofc I’d be annoyed but I remained fine on the outside. They then went in to say my driving was ‘absolutely rubbish’ that day. And reiterated you drive ‘poorly’ (I drove them to get food, drove them home 60 miles then got up at 6am to drive another 40 miles back to my home)
Im a good driver. I know myself. They scratched my alloys when parking and rushed and bossed me about when I was driving. I kept quiet and went with it bc I wanted to help and not cause a scene. Can’t believe they had the decency to say my driving was rubbish.
they also don’t like my bf bc he’s on average wage. Shows zero respect for him. Will say things like ‘why did you tell XYZ you have a bf, just say you’re single’ or ‘maybe you’ll marry a rich guy’ or ‘go on a date with X’ knowing full well I have a bf. my family is successful.
I’m so sad about it all. Everything. I have strong ethics and morals that I don’t agree with a lot of what I mentioned. But they don’t seem to care. I told my mum and she said she gets it but she also doesn’t wanna say anything in case my dad gets mad at her.
At my brothers birthday dinner table, I just felt so injustice that he was subtly insulting me ‘you’re not listening, you’re not right in saying this, don’t ask this question, why are you asking this, stop being so gossipy’ and instruct me to ‘learn from my experience, do this, do that’ I blew up and called him out. He slammed the table, I cried and yelled, he yelled.
I feel so hopeless. My bf is blue collar but he’s been supportive and always there for me, no complaints. But he gets disrespected. Whereas they are kind of hypocrites.
am I in the wrong? Did I cause a scene? I feel like I’m right but they would gaslight me and make me feel guilty for crying.