I don’t even know if I’m on the right thread but it just felt right.
some days I just feel so alone and worthless. I’m a sahm and wife.
i guess I should start by saying that I am very blessed to be able to stay at home with my beautiful girls who give me life.
where my dilemma comes into play is financially. In theory we should be able to manage on one income, the reality we can’t, we can’t sustain this life and we aren’t even big spenders, Tesco is a fancy big shop at the minute.
where I’m struggling is, because of the ages of my girls 8yrs and 3yrs, they aren’t on in school together and I don’t want to have to rely on family as they have their own lives and child care is pretty much non existent where I stay, if you can get in and it then costs an arm and a leg. Going back to work seems near impossible.
i had this grand plan during Covid that i would go back to study and gain some qualifications, which i did, i gained my diploma of higher education in history, which I know of a great achievement as i completed my final years pregnant and with a new born. However, can I get a job that either I can work from home or work round the kids, not a chance. I’ve had more rejections in the last 10 months than I ever had before.
maybe it’s me that’s being unreasonable, but because I’m the person who looks after the kids, does the drop offs and pick ups and all the club runs, I feel that it’s my responsibility to be able to still be able to do that while also take the financial burden off of my husband, who had told me on several occasions that if we can’t get out of the rut then he’s “going to go off his head again”. I know that sounds like gas lighting and maybe it is, he suffered from depression a few years ago and since then him empathy levels are in the toilet.
I just feel that I’m waffling in and making no sense, I guess the questions I need to ask myself are do we just persevere and hope for the best, do I not give up on trying to get something that fits in with the kids or do I go back and get my degree? When I’ve spoken to my Husband he always says no to the degree because in his line of work he wouldn’t look for the qualification but the experience. I just feel that sometimes you can’t get the experience without the qualification. I just don’t know what to do and this mum is struggling some days.
Thank you to anyone who reads this, I apologise for the length, I just needed to get these thought of if my head.